DITTIES OF THE DAY.
ADAPTED TO THE MUSIC OF THE MOMENT.

NEW SERIES. No. 45.-A SONG OF ELUSION.
AIR-Peeb-bo!

Now, some say this and some say that,
And some infer another thing,
And that with this will now fall pat,
Anon completely differing.
And so we chase about the land,

All up and down and to and fro,
In search of facts and fancies, and
With Madam Rumour play "peep-bo!"
As-

Peep-bo! peep-bo! did we see you?
Peep-bo! peep-bo! pray say what's new;
Haven't we caught you?-yes or no?
Isn't it thus and isn't it so?

When dynamiters find police

Are making things a bit too warm,

Doth not anxiety increase

To "save their bacon " and "inform"?

And hasn't that "Convention" sat

And given Rossa's party pain?

And is it not reported that

Sir Wilfrid's motion 's passed again?
And-

Peep-bo! peep-bo! have we caught you?
Peep-bo! peep-bo! is that not true?
Haven't we caught you-yes or no?
Peep-bo! peep-bo! peep-bo! peep-bo!

The Fisheries Exhibit "Show"
A sense of novelty imparts,
If, as they say, there'll be a row
Of fisher-girls from foreign parts.
We hear the Queen is out of pain,
And getting over that mishap;
And hasn't Marriott again

From Brighton had a nasty rap?
Eh?-

Peep-bo! peep-bo! we've caught you here,
Peep-bo! peep-bo! that is quite clear.
Pr'ythee, Miss Rumour, yes or know?
This is your cry-isn't it so?

MISDIRECTED CONGRATULATIONS. "Resolutions protesting against interference with the right of public meeting on Blank Common were unanimously passed at a gathering held there the other day." "ANOTHER glorious triumph for the Public!" said FUN enthusias

Very kind of you, I'm sure!" said the Public.

tically, as he read those words; and he jumped up and called upon the Public, and patted it on the back.

"What's this for?" asked the Public.

FON showed the paragraph.

"Oh, I see-it's a little joke of yours at my expense. You've come

to chaff me because I'm robbed of my recreationgrounds, and not allowed a quiet breath of fresh air on my own land, eh? You like to have your bit of fun out of respectable persons being swindled out of their rights, eh?

"I-really-I'm extremely grieved to have hurt your feelings," said FUN, taken aback. "I came to congratulate you; perhaps I've come to the wrong party?"

"Oh, I see it all," said the Public; "you have come to the wrong party. I will give you the addresses of the gentlemen you seek." And he told FUN where to find the paid stump orator, the political rowdy, and the professional pickpocket.

TURF CUTTINGS.

TO THE EDITOR OF "FUN."

DEAR SIR,-With that strong desire to avoid all appearance of boastfulness, which has ever been the distinguishing characteristic of that faithful and remarkable genius your own particular "Grand Old Man," I would say nothing of my wonderful success over the Two Thousand, preferring to leave that glorious though by no means unusual result of knowledge and foresight to speak for itself; but my duty to your journal is paramount, so that, much against my will, I am compelled to triumphantly inquire "Who gave you absolute first, second, and third for the Two Thou. ?" And I am equally compelled to triumphantly reply, "I'm dashed if I know; but Trophonius gave absolute first." And here goes to do it again.

TIP FOR THE MANCHESTER CUP.

Though Goggles' chance the world advance,

I see my way without their aid;

The Golden Gate, I beg to state,

Will open nought to man or maid;

Macheath may chance to win a glance;

And Faugh-a-Ballagh "clear" it well;

And pals may go for Palermo,

But I shall plump for Ishmael,

And chance it. And so no more at present from yours, &c.,

TROPHONIUS (the Grand Old Man.)

Discontinuity Cured.

IN most worldly matters the Squire was forgetful. He seldom neglected to brew strong ale in October, but rarely remembered the exact date to order his purple brocoli to be transplanted under frames; he infrequently recollected to adjust his false teeth. Ah! gaysome were the games of battledore and shuttlecock his offspring sometimes had with them. Lost in thought, the Squire stroked the back of his favourite prize hog with one hand, holding notes to the value of three hundred pounds close to the animal's snout in the other. Sad was the Squire when he discovered the favourite to be his debtor to the amount of those notes. Gently a tender wife led the Squire by his ear up to London, and placed him under Professor Loisette in his School of Memory, 37 New Oxford Street. The Squire's memory is now so retentive that he never even forgets to buy his spouse a new bonnet if she asks him to do So. Verb. sap.

SOMETHING THAT CAUSED A LOT OF "REPORTS."-The Explosives Bill.

A POLL THAT DOESN'T DRAW MANY VOTERS NOW.-The May-poll

THE INTELLIGENT FOREIGNER IN PARLIAMENT.

Toujours perdrix! Zat is vat ze Lords must sink, for on Sursday, ze seven and twenty, zey have encore ze Irish Land Act Commission and ze mending of ze Medical Act. In ze Commons Sir Drum and Volff open again ze ball like ze enfant curieux. C'est à dire, he keep boiling

ze pan of sauce by vire into ze Affirmation Bill like von clock. Mr. Bradlaugh sit undare ze gallery, and, like ze Spartan young shavare, he smile pendant que ze Volff gnaw him! Mais, Sir Volff he only ignore him. Zen ze Grand Old Villiams is up. Après ce soir I sall call him Affirmation Bill. He make big espeech, and ze effect it is more big-zat is, before ze espeech I sink I vill vote against ze Bill; aftare-I am sure I vill. Bientôt ze House adjourn.

Friday. I sink you call your parks ze lungs of London. Vell, your London have congestion of ze lung. Zat is vat Milor Forty screws say of Hyde Park. Ze great joke in ze Commons is ze victory of Sir Vilfrid, who move zat ze Government take up ze measure of Local Option (ma foi! zat is measure ze publican not like in his ménage). I demand vy is ze option to be local only, ven Sir Vilfrid tell us to shun ze hop everyveres. Maintenant, Sir Vilfrid's motion is carry.

On Monday Milor Moreanmore-I go say Oranmore, who is also Browne-tell ze Lords of ze hard fromage of ze landlords in Ireland. Vraiment, vat vis ze rent charge to pay out and ze "no rent" to come in, zare is not much chance of cheese and bread at all. Ven Greek meets Greek zare is deuce of a row. Aujourd'hui soir, Milor Randolph reply to ze Grand Old Man. Zis time zey do not laugh at milor. On Sursday ve have had Brutus, to-night place à Marc-Antoine! Très bien, milor! it is time for ze beginning of ze end of your larks; il me fait de plaisir zat you fly more high. Encore ve adjourn. I vonder ven sall ve reach ze end of zis (ad)journey?

Tuesday, ven I ask Milor Carlingford to give it ze name, he say he cannot stop, he must go in to tell Longford vy zat zey have move ze Bailey. I say I vas in Ludgate Hill zis afternoons, and Old Bailey it vas still zare; but milor say it is some von else, and hook his sling toute suite. Mr. Gladstone tell us zat Milors Alcester and Volseley vill take zare revards, like ze small boy his jaw vich stick, in von lumps. De plus, he say on ze elevens ve sall rise for Vitsuntide. Nous revenons à nos moutons, only instead of lambs ve have to-night ze Lyons on ze Affirmation Bill. Ze Bill is against ze Faith, zarefore Mr. Beresford Hope is against ze Bill. Vat is ver strange is zat Mr. Davey is against ze oaze; I suppose he is not your affi-Davey of vich I hear.

Vennisday.-Mr. Monk desire to read two times ze Bill to limit ze liability of ze ships of partners. I say I sink ze à présent ability to lie is in trade unlimited. Mr. Rylands bring down ze House vit his jeu de mot zat Mr. Monk represent ze clerical party. Ze House give zeir vote and zeir heart to zeir Highlands, and ze Bill c'est perdu.

Sursday.-Encore Affirmation Bill. Like your players of pool, ve divide. Ze Opposition get ze pull. Ze Bill is lost by three.

JUBILANT VERSE sung by members of the Royal Family on Her Majesty's change of opinion touching lamb :

Oh! we may eat a little lamb,

With flesh as white as snow,

Sparrergrass, and sauce of mint,

No longer ma says, "No! no! no!"
To luncheon now let's go.

Nous avons changé tout cela.

TIME was when the aristocracy of this country thought it the swell thing to do nothing and to know nothing, but now, alas! we find them "all over the shop.' No calling or profession is sacred (the stage has been inundated with them lately), and the latest step in this direction is an intimation that the "Princess Christian has been awarded a certificate in nursing." Fancy the royal lady being knocked up at 3 a.m., and trotting off with a bundle, a gamp, and a pair of pattens! We can't, we won't believe that monthly engagements of that character will ever be considered the royal road to fortune,

WE'LL take the British General: he goes away to fight,
And (spite of British muddles which assail him left and right,
And spite of all the swindles of the parties who contract),
He generally conquers by his fortitude and tact:
And on his coming home again to grace his native land,
We cover him with honours with a very open hand;
The dinners are proverbial; the praise is pretty free;
But still there is the feeling that he's not a Bummaree.
We'll take the British Admiral: he steams away in pride,
And (when his noble vessel doesn't happen to collide,
And when it isn't pulverized by perils unforeseen,
Torpedoes, double charges, or the gentle xerotine),
He renders forts and batteries inactive by the score,
And leaves, with much effectiveness, his shells upon the shore;
And handsomely we welcome him, this hero of the sea,
Though ever recollecting that he 's not a Bummaree.
A statesman, after wonders of diplomacy achieved,
Will mostly, if respectable, be decently received;
It gives our constitutions quite a salutary wrench
To mention disrespectfully a judge upon the bench;
We feed upon a laureate with never-sated maw,
And gaze upon his photograph with some amount of awe;
And each of these celebrities is honoured as can be
For an ordinary mortal who is not a Bummaree.
For the latter is an idol with a privilege divine,

If the sacrifice we make him may be taken as a sign-
The centre of traditionary reverence and pride,

If the way in which we bow to him be taken as a guide-
A fetish whose admonitory wrath we wouldn't brave,
If there's any sort of meaning in the way that we behave-
A cause of self-abasement and a bending of the knee-
An autocratic demigod-in fact, a Bummaree.

There's fish, a daily requisite-we clearly understand
That limitless supplies of it are ready to the hand-
It's nigh as inexpensive as the wreckage and the drift,
The ocean holds it out to us with "Take it as a gift."
But "No," we say decidedly; "we mustn't have it cheap,
We must support the fetish-there's the demigod to keep;
So send it down to Billingsgate, this present from the sea,
And pass it through the fingers of the blessed Bummaree."
To carry out the principle, wherever we reside-
At Lewis, or the Scillys, or at Berwick, or at Ryde,
At Lincoln, or at Liverpool-it matters not a jot,
If fish in any quantity is caught upon the spot,

That fish, without exception, must be put upon the track
And make the double journey up to Billingsgate and back,
To be robbed of all its relish and its savour of the sea,
And be blessed and rendered costly by the potent Bummaree.
The Briton in the colonies who lands a little sprat
Would never eat it then and there he 'd sooner eat his hat;
He sends it up to Billingsgate by steamer homeward bound,
And triumphs if he gets it in a year, and for a pound.
Four million are the Londoners,-so gentle is their mood,
They go without a necessary article of food,

Or purchase it at famine price, exclusively to please
The demigods of Billingsgate-a dozen Bummarees!