alo" Adulteration Fines.-Professor Corfield, analyst to the St. George, Hanover Square, Vestry, in issuing a special report on the fines that have been inflicted by magistrates lately in cases of adulteration of food, remarks, I have on several occasions pointed out that the tendency of magistrates to inflict merely nominal fines seems to be increasing. Now, however, that a man has been fined only is. and 12s. 6d. costs for adulterating milk with 20 per cent. of water, having previously been convicted of adulterating two samples and fined 2s. 6d. and £1 35. costs in each case, not only has proof been obtained that the fines imposed are not sufficient, but the question is raised whether it is really worth while to put the machinery in work to get a conviction, when the only result is to bring the Act of Parliament into ridicule."-Daily paper.

THERE were three little milkmen who set out one day to find the way to fortune. Now these three little men were quite aware that there are three roads to the end named-viz., the Flatter Road, the Bounce Road, and the Swindle Road; and they were also aware that their little brains were not sufficiently gifted for either of the two former roads, and that their only chance lay along the last. So they boldly marched on until they were suddenly brought up by the Adulteration Act, which terrified them dreadfully, as it looked quite formidable in the haze which surrounded it; but just as all three were about to run back and abandon the road, the good magistrate, who was put in charge to administer the act, appeared before them. Now the magistrate had been placed there by the good Fairies Stultification and Deadletter, to weed out those who came along the road, in order that only the wise and persevering might reach the goal; and for this purpose it was his duty to place little obstacles all along to try the courage of those who came along.

Now it happened that the first of the three little milkmen was a deal sharper than the other two, and the moment he set eyes on the magistrate he saw, through the forbidding frown of sham severity put on to terrify the faint-hearted, the merry sparkle of kindliness in his eye, and the intense enjoyment of the joke at the corners of his mouth.

So when the magistrate said with a thunderous voice of mock severity, "Two-and-sixpence fine, and one-pound-three costs!" the two foolish little milkmen ran away as fast as their toes would carry them, became honest, and died in the workhouse; but the wise little milkman paid the money with a chuckle, and the good magistrate patted him on the head and disappeared with a knowing wink. And the sharp little milkman trudged straight on, and slipped in an extra ten-per-cent. of water. And presently the Adulteration Act suddenly started up again across his path and made him start a little; but he soon recovered from any little fear of it when the good magistrate said, in a voice much less like thunder than before, "One shilling, and twelve-and-six costs." So when the Act started up for the third time the little milkman did not care at all, and the magistrate said quite approvingly, "Summons dismissed. Go on, my brave little man, for you see the Adulteration Act is not really such a terrible thing as it looks, and I am put here to prove it. Your difficulties are over!" This is all we have been told of the story, but we will guess how it finishes-here it is: a noiono

So the little milkman went straight on (throwing in another ten-percent. of water) until he came to the Adulteration Act again; but it would not have frightened any one now, for it was in the form of a triumphal arch, and the magistrate was waiting under it, and warmly welcomed and embraced the little milkman, and strewed his path with flowers, and led him by the hand to a beautiful palace, which was the residence of Fortune. And here the little milkman found as much gold as ever he wanted, and the good Fairies Stultification and Deadletter assisted him to add another fifty-per-cent. of water to the fifty-per-cent. already added, and in course of time he became a peer of the realm.

So, all you dear little milkmen (and all other little swindlers with just sufficient brains for the road we have treated of), next time your nurses tell you what a dreadful prohibitory thing the Adulteration Act is, place your thumb to your nose, and spread out your fingers-so.

The Old and the New.
EIGHTY-TWO, being old and decrepit,
Has lately been ordered to "step it,"
To vanish for aye from our gaze;
And young Eighty-three's being greeted
Now old Eighty-two has completed

His three hundred and sixty-five days.

And, as we consider together

The one who's just finished his tether,
I fancy we all must agree

That he always endeavoured to cheer us
As he tried through a twelvemonth to steer us,
And grateful we've reason to be.

Perhaps now and then we've had crosses,
Vexations, and worries, and losses,

And "fidgets," and "flurries," and fears; But, as we're reviewing our "rum" times, Methinks we must own it has sometimes

Been our fault as much as the year's.
Ah! whether the year brought us blessing,
Or often our hearts was distressing

With things giving trouble or pain;
Yea, whether he caused us commotion
Or soothed us (mark, here's a new notion),
We ne'er shall behold him again!
He may have appeared, on occasions,
Our yearnings to treat with evasions;
But I think it more likely, indeed,
That he often made sundry advances,
And gave us some pretty good chances,
To which we paid very slight heed.
Ah, well! if we have been neglectful,
This year may we be more respectful.

When a chance of improvement occurs
May we cast off each shackle and fetter,
And strive to be wiser and better,

In Life's tournament winning our spurs.
Against ev'ry feeling that's sordid
Let's fight,-we 'll be amply rewarded-
The Right let us ever revere.
Still, FUN would not lecture you merely,
But would wish you all, very sincerely,
A properous, happy New Year!

AN EPICUREAN.-Surely one who goes in for epics.

FACT-FANCIES.

THE REWARD OF VIRTUE.

(The Hilary Sittings-Nisi Prius and Banc-will be held at the New Law Courts.) HE was a young defendant. His case was put down in the list for Court 1145, and the young man was told to meet his solicitor there and be sharp up to time at 10 a.m.

The solicitor had said to him, "Be early, Mr. Jones, because the building is somewhat intricate, and there is a leetle difficulty in finding your way about. You will, however, have no trouble in discovering the building itself. It is a beautiful pile-some think it to be like a county jail, with a bit of Westminster Abbey stuck in here and there. The front façade is certainly very ornate. The back parts of the building oddly remind one of local hospitals, workhouses, public baths, and other public erections, where the ornamental is sacrificed in a great extent to the beautiful. The interior of the new courts is rather dimly lit. I should advise you to take a bull's-eye with you, and a few lengths of magnesium wire, as the stone walls are unpleasant when coming in contact with the head, and tumbling down into the cavernous gloom of the staircases is decidedly disagreeable.

So the next morning Mr. Jones had an early breakfast, and bolted off to court to settle his breach of promise. When he entered the building he asked one of the attendants which was Court 1145.

"There is sich a number of courts and rooms," said the man, "that I really can't tell t'other from which. You had better look out yourself. You've got a bull's-eye lantern with you-that's all right-as the buildin''s dark, owin' to Gothic architectoor."

Then Mr. Jones walked down the dark passages, and shed the light of his bull's-eye on the rows of doors. "It's getting more than halfpast," he groaned, "and I can't find the court yet. Can you tell me, sir, which is Court 1145?" he asked of a passer-by.

"I believe," answered the questioned one politely, "that it is the

first turning on the left, then the third on the right, then upstairs to the first floor; then take the seventeenth passage to the right again, and the fourth turning to the left; then go up a staircase that opens out from the thirty-sixth door on the right; go up the staircase, only be careful of the steps, as it is very dark. When you are on the fifth landing of the staircase-well, I think you will be able to find your way-at least, if there happens to be anybody about to direct you. If not, I should advise you to toss up as to which turning you mean to take. It is as well sometimes to leave these matters to chance."

"But," shrieked Jones, "I shall never be able to remember all that. I've not got a good memory, and if I'm not in court in time I shall lose my case. Oh what can I do? What is the best thing to do?"

"I think," answered the polite gentleman, "if you are anxious to find your way about, that you had better buy a set of architect's plans of the building. I know some one who has got a set cheap for ten pound fifteen-there's his card."

Then Jones dashed off to the architect's, and bought the set of plans. "They're rather intricate," he said, as he sat in the great hall; "but I must do my best to find out where I've got to go to.

"If you wants to understand the plans of this here building," remarked a policeman who was standing by, "you had better have in a purfessional harchitect, otherwise you'll never find your way over here: p'r'aps it would be best to have two, 'cos then if you found one couldn't do it for you, you could have t'other, or you could strike a hawerage like atween the two on 'em."

And then the professional architects came to the New Law Courts, and they wrangled all the day over which were the right turnings to take to get to Court 1145. So Jones never went into court at all, and lost his case. He is now a harmless though babbling idiot. But he has never yet been able to find his way about the New Law Courts, and what's more, neither will he nor any one else.