Are Women Fair?

189

I am sure you'll be heartily pleas'd when you hear
That our ball has been quite a success.

As for me I've been looking a monster, my dear,
In that old-fashion'd guy of a dress.

You had better at once hurry home, dear, to bed;
It is getting so dreadfully late.

You may catch the bronchitis or cold in the head
If you linger so long at our gate.

Don't be obstinate, Alfy; come, take my advice-
For I know you're in want of repose:
Take a basin of gruel (you'll find it so nice),
And remember to tallow your nose.

No, I tell you I can't and I shan't get away,
For De Boots has implor'd me to sing.
As to you-if you like it, of course you can stay,
You were always an obstinate thing.

If you feel it a pleasure to talk to the flow'rs
About "babble and revel and wine,"

When you might have been snoring for two or
three hours,

Why, it's not the least business of mine.

Henry S. Leigh.

ARE WOMEN FAIR?

"ARE women fair?" Ay, wondrous fair to see, too. "Are women sweet?" Yea, passing sweet they be, too. Most fair and sweet to them that only love them; Chaste and discreet to all save them that prove them.

"Are women wise?" Not wise, but they be witty; "Are women witty?" Yea, the more the pity; They are so witty, and in wit so wily,

Though ye be ne'er so wise, they will beguile ye.

"Are women fools?" Not fools, but fondlings many; "Can women fond be faithful unto any?"

When snow-white swans do turn to colour sable,
Then women fond will be both firm and stable.

"Are women saints?" "Are women good?"

No saints, nor yet no devils;
Not good, but needful evils.

So Angel-like, that devils I do not doubt them,

So needful evils that few can live without them.

"Are women proud?" Ay! passing proud, an praise them. "Are women kind?" Ay! wondrous kind, an please them. Or so imperious, no man can endure them,

Or so kind-hearted, any may procure them.

Francis Davison.

THE PLAIDIE

UPON ane stormy Sunday,
Coming adoon the lane,

Were a score of bonnie lassies-
And the sweetest I maintain
Was Caddie,

That I took unneath my plaidie,
To shield her from the rain.

She said that the daisies blushed
For the kiss that I had ta'en;
I wadna hae thought the lassie
Wad sae of a kiss complain:
“Now, laddie!

I winna stay under your plaidie,
If I gang hame in the rain!"

But, on an after Sunday,

When cloud there was not ane,

This selfsame winsome lassie

(We chanced to meet in the lane),

Said, "Laddie,

Why dinna ye wear your plaidie?

Wha kens but it may rain?"

Charles Sibley.

Lord Guy

FEMININE ARITHMETIC

LAURA

ON me he shall ne'er put a ring,

So, mamma, 'tis in vain to take trouble-
For I was but eighteen in spring
While his age exactly is double.

191

MAMMA

He's but in his thirty-sixth year,

Tall, handsome, good-natured and witty,
And should you refuse him, my dear,
May you die an old maid without pity!

LAURA

His figure, I grant you, will pass,

And at present he's young enough plenty; But when I am sixty, alas!

Will not he be a hundred and twenty?

Charles Graham Halpine.

LORD GUY

WHEN Swallows Northward flew

Forth from his home did fare
Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire
And Lanturlu.

Swore he to cross the brine,
Pausing not, night nor day,
That he might Paynims slay
In Palestine.

Half a league on his way
Met he a shepherdess
Beaming with loveliness-

Fair as Young Day.

Gazed he in eyes of blue-
Saw love in hiding there
Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire
And Lanturlu.

"Let the foul Paynim wait!"
Plead Love," and stay with me.
Cruel and cold the sea-

Here's brighter fate."

When swallows Southward flew
Back to his home did fare
Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire
And Lanturlu.

Led he his charger gay
Bearing a shepherdess
Beaming with happiness-
Fair as Young Day.

White lambs, be-ribboned blue—
Tends now with anxious care,

Guy, Lord of Lanturlaire

And Lanturlu.

George F. Warren.

SARY "FIXES UP" THINGS

Он, yes, we've be'n fixin' up some sence we sold that piece o' groun'

Fer a place to put a golf-lynx to them crazy dudes from

town.

(Anyway, they laughed like crazy when I had it specified, Ef they put a golf-lynx on it, thet they'd haf to keep him tied.)

But they paid the price all reg'lar, an' then Sary says

to me,

"Now we're goin' to fix the parlor up, an' settin'-room," says she.

Sary"Fixes Up" Things

193

Fer she 'lowed she'd been a-scrimpin' an' a-scrapin' all

her life,

An' she meant fer once to have things good as Cousin Ed'ard's wife.

Well, we went down to the city, an' she bought the blamedest mess;

An' them clerks there must 'a' took her fer a' Astoroid,

I guess;

Fer they showed her fancy bureaus which they said was shiffoneers,

An' some more they said was dressers, an' some curtains called porteers.

An' she looked at that there furnicher, an' felt them curtains' heft;

Then she sailed in like a cyclone an' she bought 'em right an' left;

An' she picked a Bress'ls carpet thet was flowered like Cousin Ed's,

But she drawed the line com-pletely when we got to foldin'-beds.

Course, she said, 't 'u'd make the parlor lots more roomier, she s'posed;

But she 'lowed she'd have a bedstid thet was shore to stay un-closed;

An' she stopped right there an' told us sev'ral tales of folks she'd read

Bein' overtook in slumber by the "fatal foldin'-bed." "Not ef it wuz set in di'mon's! Nary foldin'-bed fer me! I ain't goin' to start fer glory in a rabbit-trap!" says she. "When the time comes I'll be ready an' a-waitin'; but ez yet,

I shan't go to sleep a-thinkin' that I've got the triggers set."

Well, sir, shore as yo' 're a-livin', after all thet Sary said, 'Fore we started home that evenin' she hed bought a foldin'-bed;

An' she's put it in the parlor, where it adds a heap o' style; An' we're sleepin' in the settin'-room at present fer a