"With fire and sword the country round
Was wasted far and wide,

And many a childing mother then
And new-born infant died.

But things like that, you know, must be
At every famous victory.

"They say it was a shocking sight,
After the field was won,

For many a thousand bodies here

Lay rotting in the sun.

But things like that, you know, must be
After a famous victory.

"Great praise the Duke of Marlbro' won,
And our good Prince Eugene."
"Why, 'twas a very wicked thing!"

Said little Wilhelmine.

"Nay, nay, my little girl," quoth he,
"It was a famous victory;

"And everybody praised the duke,
Who such a fight did win."

"But what good came of it at last?"
Quoth little Peterkin.

"Why, that I cannot tell," said he;

"But 'twas a famous victory."

Robert Southey.

THE THREE BLACK CROWS

Two honest tradesmen meeting in the Strand,
One took the other briskly by the hand;
"Hark-ye," said he, “'tis an odd story, this,
About the crows!" "I don't know what it is,"
Replied his friend. "No! I'm surprised at that;
it is the common chat;
But you shall hear an odd affair indeed!
And that it happened, they are all agreed.

Where I came from

The Three Black Crows

Not to detain you from a thing so strange,
A gentleman, that lives not far from 'Change,
This week, in short, as all the alley knows,
Taking a puke, has thrown up three black crows."
"Impossible!" "Nay, but it's really true;

I have it from good hands, and so may you."
"From whose, I pray?" So, having named the man,
Straight to inquire his curious comrade ran.
"Sir, did you tell "-relating the affair.
"Yes, sir, I did; and, if it's worth your care,
Ask Mr. Such-a-one, he told it me.

But, by the bye, 'twas two black crows-not three."
Resolved to trace so wondrous an event,

Whip, to the third, the virtuoso went;
"Sir”—and so forth. "Why, yes; the thing is fact,
Though, in regard to number, not exact;
It was not two black crows-'twas only one;
The truth of that you may depend upon;
The gentleman himself told me the case."

"Where may I find him?" "Why, in such a place."
Away goes he, and, having found him out,
"Sir, be so good as to resolve a doubt."
Then to his last informant he referred,
And begged to know if true what he had heard.
"Did you, sir, throw up a black crow

""
? "Not I."
"Bless me! how people propagate a lie!

255

Black crows have been thrown up, three, two, and one;
And here, I find, all comes, at last, to none.
Did you say nothing of a crow at all?"
"Crow-crow-perhaps I might, now I recall
The matter over." "And pray, sir, what was't?"
"Why, I was horrid sick, and, at the last,
I did throw up, and told my neighbor so,
Something that was—as black, sir, as a crow."

John Byrom.

TO THE TERRESTRIAL GLOBE

BY A MISERABLE WRETCH

ROLL on, thou ball, roll on!
Through pathless realms of space
Roll on!

What though I'm in a sorry case?
What though I cannot meet my bills?
What though I suffer toothache's ills?
What though I swallow countless pills?
Never you mind!
Roll on!

Roll on, thou ball, roll on!
Through seas of inky air

Roll on!

It's true I've got no shirts to wear;
It's true my butcher's bill is due;
It's true my prospects all look blue;
But don't let that unsettle you.

Never you mind!
Roll on!

(It rolls on.)

W. S. Gilbert.

ETIQUETTE

THE Ballyshannon foundered off the coast of Cariboo,
And down in fathoms many went the captain and the crew;
Down went the owners-greedy men whom hope of gain

allured:

Oh, dry the starting tear, for they were heavily insured.

Besides the captain and the mate, the owners and the crew, The passengers were also drowned excepting only two: Young Peter Gray, who tasted teas for Baker, Croop, and Co., And Somers, who from Eastern shores imported indigo.

Etiquette

These passengers, by reason of their clinging to a mast,
Upon a desert island were eventually cast.

257

They hunted for their meals, as Alexander Selkirk used, But they couldn't chat together they had not been introduced.

For Peter Gray, and Somers, too, though certainly in trade,
Were properly particular about the friends they made;
And somehow thus they settled it, without a word of mouth,
That Gray should take the northern half, while Somers took
the south.

On Peter's portion oysters grew-a delicacy rare,
But oysters were a delicacy Peter couldn't bear.

On Somer's side was turtle, on the shingle lying thick,
Which Somers couldn't eat, because it always made him sick.

Gray gnashed his teeth with envy as he saw a mighty store
Of turtle unmolested on his fellow-creature's shore.
The oysters at his feet aside impatiently he shoved,
For turtle and his mother were the only things he loved.

And Somers sighed in sorrow as he settled in the south, For the thought of Peter's oysters brought the water to his mouth.

He longed to lay him down upon the shelly bed, and stuff: He had often eaten oysters, but had never had enough.

How they wished an introduction to each other they had had When on board the Ballyshannon! And it drove them nearly mad

To think how very friendly with each other they might get, If it wasn't for the arbitrary rule of etiquette!

One day, when out a-hunting for the mus ridiculus,
Gray overheard his fellow-man soliloquising thus:

I wonder how the playmates of my youth are getting on, M'Connell, S. B. Walters, Paddy Byles, and Robinson?"

These simple words made Peter as delighted as could be; Old chummies at the Charterhouse were Robinson and he. He walked straight up to Somers, then he turned extremely red,

Hesitated, hummed and hawed a bit, then cleared his throat, and said:

66 I beg your pardon-pray forgive me if I seem too bold, But you have breathed a name I knew familiarly of old. You spoke aloud of Robinson-I happened to be by. You know him?" "Yes, extremely well." "Allow me, so

do I."

It was enough: they felt they could more pleasantly get on,
For (ah, the magic of the fact!) they each knew Robinson!
And Mr. Somers' turtle was at Peter's service quite,
And Mr. Somers punished Peter's oyster-beds all night.

They soon became like brothers from community of wrongs; They wrote each other little odes and sang each other songs; They told each other anecdotes disparaging their wives; On several occasions, too, they saved each other's lives.

They felt quite melancholy when they parted for the night,
And got up in the morning soon as ever it was light;
Each other's pleasant company they reckoned so upon,
And all because it happened that they both knew Robinson!

They lived for many years on that inhospitable shore,
And day by day they learned to love each other more and

more.

At last, to their astonishment, on getting up one day,
They saw a frigate anchored in the offing of the bay.

To Peter an idea occurred. "Suppose we cross the main?
So good an opportunity may not be found again."
And Somers thought a minute, then ejaculated, "Done!
I wonder how my business in the City's getting on?"