A Plea for Trigamy 69 But these beauties that scrve to make all the men jealous, They're not. But so much for appearances. Now for my second, She must know all the needs of a rational being, I complete the ménage by including the other As my housekeeper, nurse, or it may be, a mother Total three! and the virtues all well represented; With fewer than this such a thing can't be done; Though I've known married men who declare they're con tented With one. Would you hunt during harvest, or hay-make in winter? And how can one woman expect to combine Certain qualifications essentially inter necine? You may say that my prospects are (legally) sunless; I will marry no wife, since I can't do with one less Owen Seaman. THE POPE THE Pope he leads a happy life, But yet all happy's not his life, The Sultan better pleases me, He's wives as many as he will, I would the Sultan's throne then fill. But even he's a wretched man, He dare not drink one drop of wine- So here I'll take my lowly stand, And when my maiden kisses me Charles Lever. ALL AT SEA THE VOYAGE OF A CERTAIN UNCERTAIN SAILORMAN I SAW a certain sailorman who sat beside the sea, And in the manner of his tribe he yawned this yarn to me: All at Sca 71 ""Twere back in eighteen-fifty-three, or mebbe fifty-four, I skipped the farm,-no, 't were the shop,-an' went to Baltimore. I shipped aboard the Lizzie-or she might ha' bin the Jane; Them wimmin names are mixey, so I don't remember plain; But anyhow, she were a craft that carried schooner rig, (Although Sam Swab, the bo'sun, allus swore she were a brig); We sailed away from Salem Town,-no, lemme think;'t were Lynn,— An' steered a course for Africa (or Greece, it might ha' bin); But anyway, we tacked an' backed an' weathered many a storm Oh, no, as I recall it now, that week was fine an' warm! Who did I say the cap'n was? I didn't say at all? Wa-a-ll now, his name were 'Lijah Bell-or was it Eli Ball? I kinder guess 't were Eli. He'd a big, red, bushy beardNo-o-o, come to think, he allus kept his whiskers nicely sheared. But anyhow, that voyage was the first I'd ever took, Would prob'ly be my third one, on a Hong Kong clippership. The crew they were a jolly lot, an' used to sing 'Avast,' I think it were, or else Ahoy,' while bailing out the mast. And as I recollect it now, But here I cut him short, And said: "It's time to tack again, and bring your wits to port; I came to get a story both adventurous and true, And here is how I started out to write the interview: 'I saw a certain sailorman,' but you turn out to be The most un-certain sailorman that ever sailed the sea!" He puffed his pipe, and answered, "Wa-a-ll, I thought 'twere mine, but still, I must ha' told the one belongs to my twin brother Bill!" Frederick Moxon. BALLAD OF THE PRIMITIVE JEST I AM an ancient Jest! Paleolithic man In his arboreal nest The sparks of fun would fan; My outline did he plan, And laughed like one possessed, I am a Merry Jest. I am an early Jest! Man delved and built and span; I journeyed in their van; I am a Merry Jest. I am an ancient Jest, Through all the human clan, Red, black, white, free, oppressed, I'm found in Lucian, In Poggio, and the rest, I'm dear to Moll and Nan! I am a Merry Jest! ENVOY: Prince, you may storm and ban Joe Millers are a pest, Suppress me if you can! I am a Merry Jest! Andrew Lang. How to Eat Watermelons VILLANELLE OF THINGS AMUSING THESE are the things that make me laugh- The high-heeled antics of colt and calf, The men who think they can act, and try- The hard-boiled poses in photograph, The groom still wearing his wedding tie- These are the bubbles I gayly quaff With the rank conceit of the new-born fly- For, Heaven help me! I needs must chaff, So write me down in my epitaph Gelett Burgess. 73 HOW TO EAT WATERMELONS WHEN you slice a Georgy melon you mus' know what you is at An' look out how de knife is gwine in. Put one-half on dis side er you-de yuther half on dat, En' den you gits betwixt 'em, en begin! Oh, melons! Honey good ter see; But we'en it comes ter sweetness, De melon make fer me! |