He often went on sprees

And said, on starting homus, "Hic labour-opus est,

Oh, where's my hic-hic-domus?"

Although he lived in Rome,-
Of all the arts the middle-

He was, (excuse the phrase,)
A horrid individ'l;

Ah, what a different thing

Was the homo (dative, hominy)

Of far away B. C.

From us of Anno Domini.

Thomas R. Ybarra.

A NEW SONG

OF NEW SIMILES

My passion is as mustard strong;
I sit all sober sad;

Drunk as a piper all day long,
Or like a March-hare mad.

Round as a hoop the bumpers flow;
I drink, yet can't forget her;
For though as drunk as David's sow
I love her still the better.

Pert as a pear-monger I'd be,
If Molly were but kind;
Cool as a cucumber could see

The rest of womankind.

Like a stuck pig I gaping stare,
And eye her o'er and o'er;
Lean as a rake, with sighs and care,
Sleek as a mouse before.

A New Song

Plump as a partridge was I known,
And soft as silk my skin;

My cheeks as fat as butter grown,
But as a goat now thin!

I melancholy as a cat,

Am kept awake to weep; But she, insensible of that, Sound as a top can sleep.

Hard is her heart as flint or stone,
She laughs to see me pale;
And merry as a grig is grown,
And brisk as bottled ale.

The god of Love at her approach
Is busy as a bee;

Hearts sound as any bell or roach,
Are smit and sigh like me.

Ah me! as thick as hops or hail
The fine men crowd about her;
But soon as dead as a door-nail
Shall I be, if without her.

Straight as my leg her shape appears,
O were we join'd together!

My heart would be scot-free from cares,
And lighter than a feather.

As fine as five-pence is her mien,
No drum was ever tighter;

Her glance is as the razor keen,
And not the sun is brighter.

As soft as pap her kisses are,
Methinks I taste them yet;
Brown as a berry is her hair,
Her eyes as black as jet.

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As smooth as glass, as white as curds
Her pretty hand invites;

Sharp as her needle are her words,
Her wit like pepper bites.

Brisk as a body-louse she trips,
Clean as a penny drest;

Sweet as a rose her breath and lips,
Round as the globe her breast.

Full as an egg was I with glee, .
And happy as a king:

Good Lord! how all men envied me!
She loved like any thing.

But false as hell, she, like the wind,
Chang'd, as her sex must do;
Though seeming as the turtle kind,
And like the gospel true.

If I and Molly could agree,

Let who would take Peru!
Great as an Emperor should I be,
And richer than a Jew.

Till you grow tender as a chick,
I'm dull as any post;
Let us like burs together stick,

And warm as any toast.

You'll know me truer than a die,

And wish me better sped; Flat as a flounder when I lie,

And as a herring dead.

Sure as a gun she'll drop a tear

And sigh, perhaps, and wish, When I am rotten as a pear,

And mute as any fish.

John Gay.

The American Traveller

THE AMERICAN TRAVELLER

To Lake Aghmoogenegamook

All in the State of Maine,

A man from Wittequergaugaum came
One evening in the rain.

"I am a traveller," said he,
"Just started on a tour,
And go to Nomjamskillicook
To-morrow morn at four."

He took a tavern-bed that night,
And, with the morrow's sun,
By way of Sekledobskus went,
With carpet-bag and gun.

A week passed on, and next we find
Our native tourist come

To that sequestered village called
Genasagarnagum.

From thence he went to Absequoit,

And there quite tired of MaineHe sought the mountains of Vermont, Upon a railroad train.

Dog Hollow, in the Green Mount State,
Was his first stopping-place;

And then Skunk's Misery displayed

Its sweetness and its grace.

By easy stages then he went

To visit Devil's Den;

And Scrabble Hollow, by the way,

Did come within his ken.

Then via Nine Holes and Goose Green

He travelled through the State;

And to Virginia, finally,

Was guided by his fate.

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Within the Old Dominion's bounds,
He wandered up and down;
To-day at Buzzard's Roost ensconced,
To-morrow, at Hell Town.

At Pole Cat, too, he spent a week, Till friends from Bull Ring came, And made him spend a day with them In hunting forest-game.

Then, with his carpet-bag in hand,
To Dog Town next he went;
Though stopping at Free Negro Town,
Where half a day he spent.

From thence, into Negationburg
His route of travel lay;

Which having gained, he left the State,
And took a southward way.

North Carolina's friendly soil
He trod at fall of night,
And, on a bed of softest down,
He slept at Hell's Delight.

Morn found him on the road again,
To Lousy Level bound;

At Bull's Tail, and Lick Lizard, too,
Good provender he found.

The country all about Pinch Gut
So beautiful did seem

That the beholder thought it like
A picture in a dream.

But the plantations near Burnt Coat
Were even finer still,

And made the wondering tourist feel
A soft, delicious thrill.