Unsatisfied Yearning

And, lo! from out Vacuity

A second Incongruity,

To wit, a Lady Cam-u-el was born through magic art.
Her structure anatomical,

Her form and face were comical;

She was, in short, a Cam-u-el, the other's counterpart.

As Spaniards gaze on Aragon,
Upon that Female Paragon

889

So gazed the Prophet's Cam-u-el, that primal Desert Ship. A connoisseur meticulous,

He found her that ridiculous

He grinned from ear to auricle until he split his lip!

Because of his temerity

That Cam-u-el's posterity

Must wear divided upper lips through all their solemn lives! A prodigy astonishing

Reproachfully admonishing

Those, wicked, heartless married men who ridicule their

wives.

Arthur Guiterman.

UNSATISFIED YEARNING

Down in the silent hallway

Scampers the dog about,

And whines, and barks, and scratches,
In order to get out.

Once in the glittering starlight,

He straightway doth begin

To set up a doleful howling

In order to get in.

R. K. Munkittrick.

KINDLY ADVICE

Be kind to the panther! for when thou wert young, In thy country far over the sea,

'Twas a panther ate up thy papa and mama, And had several mouthfuls of thee!

Be kind to the badger! for who shall decide
The depth of his badgery soul?

And think of the tapir, when flashes the lamp
O'er the fast and the free flowing bowl.

Be kind to the camel! nor let word of thine
Ever put up his bactrian back;

And cherish the she-kangaroo with her bag,
Nor venture to give her the sack.

Be kind to the ostrich! for how canst thou hope

To have such a stomach as it?

And when the proud day of your "bridal" shall come, Do give the poor birdie a "bit."

Be kind to the walrus! nor ever forget
To have it on Tuesday to tea;
But butter the crumpets on only one side,
Save such as are eaten by thee.

Be kind to the bison! and let the jackal
In the light of thy love have a share;
And coax the ichneumon to grow a new tail,
And have lots of larks in its lair!

Be kind to the bustard, that genial bird,
And humour its wishes and ways;

And when the poor elephant suffers from bile,
Then tenderly lace up his stays!

Unknown.

To Be or Not To Be

891

KINDNESS TO ANIMALS

SPEAK gently to the herring and kindly to the calf,
Be blithesome with the bunny, at barnacles don't laugh!
Give nuts unto the monkey, and buns unto the bear,

Ne'er hint at currant jelly if you chance to see a hare!

Oh, little girls, pray hide your combs when tortoises draw nigh,

And never in the hearing of a pigeon whisper Pie!
But give the stranded jelly-fish a shove into the sea,-
Be always kind to animals wherever you may be!

Oh, make not game of sparrows, nor faces at the ram,
And ne'er allude to mint sauce when calling on a lamb.
Don't beard the thoughtful oyster, don't dare the cod to
crimp,

Don't cheat the pike, or ever try to pot the playful shrimp. Tread lightly on the turning worm, don't bruise the butterfly,

Don't ridicule the wry-neck, nor sneer at salmon-fry;

Oh, ne'er delight to make dogs fight, nor bantams disagree,Be always kind to animals wherever you may be!

Be lenient with lobsters, and ever kind to crabs,
And be not disrespectful to cuttle-fish or dabs;
Chase not the Cochin-China, chaff not the ox obese,
And babble not of feather-beds in company with geese.
Be tender with the tadpole, and let the limpet thrive,
Be merciful to mussels, don't skin your eels alive;
When talking to a turtle don't mention calipee-
Be always kind to animals wherever you may be.
J. Ashby-Sterry.

TO BE OR NOT TO BE

I

I SOMETIMES think I'd rather crow

And be a rooster than to roost
And be a crow. But I dunno.

II

A rooster he can roost also,

Which don't seem fair when crows can't crow.

Which may help some.

Still I dunno.

III

Crows should be glad of one thing, though;

Nobody thinks of eating crow,

While roosters they are good enough

For anyone unless they're tough.

IV

There are lots of tough old roosters, though,
And anyway a crow can't crow,

So mebby roosters stand more show.

It looks that way. But I dunno.

Unknown.

THE HEN

WAS once a hen of wit not small

(In fact, 'twas not amazing),

And apt at laying eggs withal,

Who, when she'd done, would scream and bawl, As if the house were blazing.

A turkey-cock, of age mature,

Felt thereat indignation;

'Twas quite improper, he was sure-
He would no more the thing endure;
So, after cogitation,

He to the lady straight repaired,
And thus his business he declared:

(6 Madam, pray, what's the matter,
That always, when you've laid an egg,
You make so great a clatter?
I wish you'd do the thing in quiet.
Do be advised by me, and try it."

Of Baiting the Lion

"Advised by you!" the lady cried,
And tossed her head with proper pride;
"And what do you know, now I pray,
Of the fashion of the present day,
You creature ignorant and low?
However, if you want to know,
This is the reason why I do it:
I lay my egg, and then review it!"

893

Matthew Claudius.

OF BAITING THE LION

REMEMBERING his taste for blood
You'd better bait him with a cow;
Persuade the brute to chew the cud
Her tail suspended from a bough;
It thrills the lion through and through.
To hear the milky creature moo.

Having arranged this simple ruse,
Yourself you climb a neighboring tree;
See to it that the spot you choose
Commands the coming tragedy;
Take up a smallish Maxim gun,
A search-light, whisky, and a bun.

It's safer, too, to have your bike
Standing immediately below,
In case your piece should fail to strike,
Or deal an ineffective blow;

The Lion moves with perfect grace,
But cannot go the scorcher's pace.

Keep open ear for subtle signs;

Thus, when the cow profusely moans,

That means to say, the Lion dines.

The crunching sound, of course, is bones;

Silence resumes her ancient reign—

This shows the cow is out of pain.