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Two old ladies were sitting before the fire engaged in silent thought. Finally one of them arose, went to the window, and scanning the appearance of nature outside, said, “ Betsy, I believe it's going to rain.” “No such thing," returned the other; "the sun's shining and there's not a cloud to be seen." “Can't help that," resumed her companion ;“ the tin rooster on 'Squire Gilbert's barn is p'intin straight toward the East, and that's a sure sign of a storm." Betsy turned as she said this, and looking her square in the face with a conservative expression, exclaimed “Lor sakes, Jane, how can you be so superstitious.” Dear Laura, when you were a flirting young miss,
And I was your dutiful swain,
Your frown could o'erwhelm me with pain :
It is strange the fond tie should be nearer; For when I am paying your bills, on my life,
You seem to get dearer and dearer. A country physician of limited sense and “limiteder" ed. ucation, was called to see Mr. R.'s little boy, who was quite ill. He gave some medicine and left, promising to call on the following morning. When he arrived Mr. R. met him at the gate and informed him that ihe child was convalescent. “Convalescent ?" said the doctor, “convalescent? Then if he is that bad off you'll have to call in some other physician; I never treated a case of it in my life!" and with that he mounted his horse and departed.
One Hundred Choice Selections, No. 5
A QUEER FIT.
SANCEL'SFE:} from the country.
MR. Isaacs, a Jew ('lothier.
SCENE I.–Street i: front of MR. IBA Acs' store-Readymade
clothing hanging on “dummies” about the door-JAKE SWEET standing near door on the lookout for customers, John QUEER and SAMUEL SWEEPS at a little distance, with carpet-Lags, etc.
John-I wish we could pay some of these annoying ciothing Jews back in their own coin. I am really out of all patience with the whole of them.
SAMUEL-Well, say we do. There is that old spider's nest right ahead of us, who plagued us so much yesterday in trying to force some of his vile, ill-fitting garments
If we are from the country, as every one seems to know and which I am sure is no disgrace, it's no reason why we should be subjected to such public annoyance. I am of the opinion that country people's intelligence and means, at the present day, compare very favorably with those of the city.
*This supplement is composed of specimen l'ages, taken direct from "MODEL DIALOGUES,” by special permission. All rights reserved. The complete book contains 200 pages of original Dialogues, (haracter Sketches, Acting Charades, Tableaux, etc., suited to various ages and to all places. Price 30 ceuta.
John-Of course they do, and I am sure that city people are not subjected to such provoking insults, when they visit the country, as we are when we go to the city.
SAMUEL—I have a plan in my head by which we can get some fun and revenge, both, out of them, if we carry it through properly. This is what I mean, I will be a young man subject to fainty spells and fits. You pretend to be my brother or friend, and if they insist on our going in to buy, over there, why, we will go in and all I want is for them to put a new suit of their clothes on me. Just leave it to me, John, and see what will come of it.
John-Very well. I think I see what you mean, and I suppose you intend to show them such a fit as they have not seen for many a day.
[John and SAMUEL saunter along lazily until they
arrive in front of store, when they are accosted by
JAKE SWEET.) JAKE-Good day, gentlemen. (Shakes hands very cordially with John and SAMUEL.) Very glad to meet you, gentlemen ; wont you step in and look at some goods, to-day?
Joux-Well, no,--not to-day. We do not wish to buy any clothes for the present, and to trouble
JAKE–No trouble at all, gentlemen, to show our goods; and if
you do not wish to buy now, why at another time when you may, you will know where to come.
SAMUEL—Say, Mister What’s-your-name, I wish you wouldn't interrupt us, as we do not wish to buy, and have not time to stop.
JAKE-Only take a moment, gentlemen, to look in at our very extensive assortment of gents’, youths' avd children's fine ready-made clothing—the largest and best, and
by all odds the cheapest, Clothing Emporium in the city, if not in the United States. Just step right in, and Mr. Isaacs, my partner, an Am-erican city-sin, of whom our city may well be proud, will take pleasure in showing you through our mammoth establishment. (John and SamUEL turn to go in.) [Louder.] ATTEND to the gentlemen!
SCENE II.-Inside of store-MR. ISAACS coming forward to meet
JOHN and SAMUEL.
MR. ISAACs—Glad to meet you, shentlemens. Vot clozings vill you look at to-day, shentlemens ?
SAMUEL-Nothing at all, sir. We do not wish to buy anything, whatever; but your partner requested us to step in and look at your establishment, and as we are on a sight-seeing tour, we could not refuse his kind invitation.
MR. ISAACS-Shust so, shust so, shentlemens ! und eef you vill valk dis vay, I show you sometings dat vill make your eyes vater. (They all three walk back, and he takes up a coat.) Vat you tinks of dat? Dat coats cost to make him shust dwenty-seven tollars, seex and swansy cents. Ve are selling off all dis stock vot you see to close pizness, and dat coats I vill sell to you for feefteen tollar. Vot you tink of dat, shentlemens ?
JOHN-It's very cheap, no doubt, but we don't want to buy; and besides, my friend here is so subject to bad fits, that I would advise you not to detain us too long. We would prefer to look through, and then go on our way.
MR. ISAACS—Ve have no troubles mits de fits here, shentlemens. Now, shust to show vat fits dis coats vill make, shust let me put him on von leetle moment; and den eef you vants such a pargain as you never saw, you
can takes him along for only twelf tollar, vich is less dan half vot it cost.
John-I would rather you would not put the coat on my friend, as we have no time to detain longer.
MR. ISAACS-Shust von leetle moment, shentlemens, and you vill see such a fit as never vas.
SAMUEL-(To John)-I'll bet he does! (Takes off coat.)
MR. ISAACS—(Helping on with the new coat, which is very long, and much too large. Gathers up the back with his hand.) - Shust see dat fit, shentlemens.
Not yon wrinkle, and sets as if he vas made by de tailor of de king.
[SAMUEL proceeds to button up the coat to the throat,
and in the meantime spits several times on the dirty floor. Then he begins to act strangely, striking and stretching himself, and assuming all kinds of queet attitudes--very much to the astonishment of MR. ISAACS, and the amusement of John, who, with an effort, maintains his gravity, and pretends to become
much excited as SAMUEL's contortions increase.] John-Oh, sir! I fear my friend stayed here too longand he has been attacked with one of his fainting fits. Will you help me to hold him ?
MR. ISAACS—( Trying to catch SAMUEL by the arm, but dodging to one side as he gets near to him, to avoid being struck)— Vell, dis is vot I does not understand, a'ready. Oh, dat coat! Say, my shentlemens, I tell you vot I'll do-you shust take the coat vor ten tollar.
John—( Trying with mock anguish to secure SAMUEL, but always failing to get hold of him.)-Well, the coat may be cheap enough, sir, but I don't like the fit!
[SAMUEL falls to the floor, and begins to wipe himself
over it, to the great detriment of MR. Isaacs' coat.]