240 HE WHO WOULD GOVERN MUST OBEY. the flood, as a punishment for the sins of mankind, and commonly known by the appellation of knowing women. In fact, my duty as an historian obliges me to make known a circumstance which was a great secret at the time, and consequently was not a subject of scandal at more than half the tea tables in New-Amsterdam, but which, like many other great secrets, has leaked out in the lapse of years-and this was, that the great Wilhelmus the Testy, though one of the most potent little men that ever breathed, yet submitted at home to a species of government, neither laid down in Aristotle nor Plato; in short, it partook of the nature of a pure, unmixed tyranny, and is familiarly denominated petticoat government.— An absolute sway, which, though exceedingly common in these modern days, was very rare among the ancients, if we may judge from the rout made about the domestic economy of honest Socrates; which is the only ancient case on record. The great Kieft, however, warded off all the sneers and sarcasms of his particular friends, who are ever ready to joke with a man on sore points of the kind, by alleging that it was a government of his own election, to which he submitted through choice; adding at the same time a profound maxim which he had found in an ancient author, that "he who would aspire to govern should first, learn to obey." FATE OF THE PROCLAMATION. 241 CHAPTER II. In which are recorded the sage projects of a ruler of universal genius. The art of fighting by proclamation, and how that the valiant Jacobus Van Curlet came to be foully dishonoured at fort Goed Hoop. NEVER was a more comprehensive, a more expeditious, or, what is still better, a more economical measure devised, than this of defeating the Yankees by proclamation-an expedient, likewise, so humane, so gentle and pacific, there were ten chances to one in favour of its succeeding,but then there was one chance to ten that it would not succeed-as the ill-natured fates would have it, that single chance carried the day! The proclamation was perfect in all its parts, well constructed, well written, well sealed, and well published-all that was wanting to insure its effect was that the Yankees should stand in awe of it; but, provoking to relate, they treated it with the most absolute contempt, applied it to an unseemly purpose, and thus did the first warlike proclamation come to a shameful end-a fate which I am credibly informed has befallen but too many of its successors. 242 FATE OF THE PROCLAMATION. It was a long time before Wilhelmus Kieft could be persuaded by the united efforts of all his counsellors, that his war measures had failed in producing any effect. On the contrary; he flew in a passion whenever any one dared to question its efficacy; and swore that, though it was slow in operating, yet when once it began to work, it would soon purge the land of these rapacious intruders. Time, however, that test of all experiments, both in philosophy and politics, at length convinced the great Kieft, that his proclamation was abortive; and that notwithstanding he had waited nearly four years in a state of constant irritation, yet he was still farther off than ever from the object of his wishes. His implacable adversaries in the east became more and more troublesome in their encroachments, and founded the thriving colony of Hartford close upon the skirts of fort Goed Hoop. They, moreover, commenced the fair settlement of New Haven (otherwise called the Red Hills,) within the domains of their High Mightinesses-while the onion patches of Pyquag were a continual eye-sore to the garrison of Van Curlet. Upon beholding, therefore, the inefficacy of his measure, the sage Kieft, like many a worthy practitioner of physic, laid the blame, not to the medicine, but to the quantity administered, and resolutely resolved to double the dose. In the year 1638, therefore, that being the fourth year of his reign, he fulminated against them a A SECOND ONE ISSUED. 243 second proclamation, of heavier metal than the former; written in thundering long sentences, not one word of which was under five syllables. This, in fact, was a kind of non-intercourse bill, forbidding and prohibiting all commerce and connexion between any and every of the said Yankee intruders, and the said fortified post of fort Goed Hoop, and ordering, commanding, and advising, all his trusty, loyal, and well-beloved subjects, to furnish them with no supplies of gin, gingerbread, or sour crout; to buy none of their pacing horses, measly pork, apple brandy, Yankee Rum, cider water, apple sweetmeats, Weathersfield onions, or wooden bowls, but to starve and exterminate them from the face of the land. Another pause of a twelvemonth ensued, during which the last proclamation received the same attention, and experienced the same fate as the first at the end of which term, the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet despatched his annual messenger, with his customary budget of complaints and entreaties. Whether the regular interval of a year, intervening between the arrival of Van Curlet's couriers, was occasioned by the systematic regularity of his movements, or by the immense distance at which he was stationed from the seat of government, is a matter of uncertainty. Some have ascribed it to the slowness of his messengers, who, as I have before noticed, were chosen from the shortest and fattest of his garrison, as least. 244 SLOWNESS OF HIS MESSENGERS. likely to be worn out on the road; and who, being pursy, short winded little men, generally travelled fifteen miles a day, and then laid by a whole week to rest. All these, however, are matters of conjecture; and I rather think it may be ascribed to the immemorial maxim of this worthy countryand which has ever influenced all its public transactions-not to do things in a hurry. The gallant Jacobus Van Curlet in his despatches, respectfully represented, that several years had now elapsed since his first application to his late excellency, Wouter Van Twiller; during which interval, his garrison had been reduced nearly one-eighth, by the death of two of his most valiant and corpulent soldiers, who had accidentally overeaten themselves on some fat salmon, caught in the Varsche river. He further stated, that the enemy persisted in their inroads, taking no notice of the fort or its inhabitants; but squatting themselves down, and forming settlements all around it; so that, in a little while, he should find himself enclosed and blockaded by the enemy, and totally at their mercy. But among the most atrocious of his grievances, I find the following still on record, which may serve to show the bloody minded outrages of these savage intruders. "In the mean time, they of Hartford have not onely usurped and taken in the lands of Connecticott, although unrighteously and against the lawes of nations, but have hindered our |