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THE MODERN PATRIOT.
REBELLION is my theme all day;
I only wish 'twould come (As who knows but perhaps it may ?)
A little nearer home.
Yon roaring boys, who rave and fight
On the other side the’ Atlantic, · I always held them in the right,
But most so when most frantic.
When lawless mobs insult the court,
That man shall be my toast,
Who bravely breaks the most.
But O! for him my fancy culls
The choicest flowers she bears, Who constitutionally pulls
Your house about your ears.
Such civil broils are my delight,
Though some folks can't endure them, Who say the mob are mad outright,
And that a rope must cure them.
A rope! I wish we Patriots had
Such strings for all who need themWhat! hang a man for going mad?
Then farewell British freedom.
OF AN ADJUDGED CASE NOT TO BE FOUND IN ANY OF
BETWEEN Nose and Eyes a strange contestarose,
The spectacles set them unhappily wrong; The point in dispute was, as all the world knows,
To which the said spectacles ought to belong.
So Tongue was the lawyer, and argued the cause With a great deal of skill, and a wig full of
learning; While chief Baron Ear sat to balance the laws,
So famed for his talent in nicely discerning.
In behalf of the Nose it will quickly appear, And your lordship, he said, will undoubtedly
find That the Nose has had spectacles always in wear,
Which amounts to possession time out of mind.
Then, holding the spectacles up to the courtYour lordship observes they are made with a
straddle As wide as the ridge of the nose is; in short,
Design'd to sit close to it, just like a saddle.
Again, would your lordship a moment suppose ,
('Tis a case that has happen'd, and may be again) That the visage or countenance had not a Nose, Pray who would, or who could, wear specta
cles then ? VOL. II.
234 THE JUDGMENT OF THE POETS. ' On the whole it appears, and my argument shows,
With a reasoning the court will never condemn, That the spectacles plainly were made for the Nose,
And the Nose was as plainly intended for them. Then shifting his side (as a lawyer knows how),
He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes: But what were his arguments few people know, For the court did not think they were equally
wise. So his lordship decreed with a grave, solemn tone,
Decisive and clear, without one if or butThat, whenever the Nose put his spectacles on, By daylight or candlelight-Eyes should be
THE JUDGMENT OF THE POETS.
Of numerous charms possess'd,
The worth of each had been complete,
Had both alike been mild :
Frown's oftener than she smiled.
And in her humour, when she frown'd,
Would raise her voice and roar,
The garland that she wore.
THE JUDGMENT OF THE POETS.
From all such frenzy clear,
And never proved severe.
To poets of renown in song
The nymphs referr’d the cause,
And gave misplaced applause.
They gentle calld, and kind, and soft
The flippant and the scold,
That failing left untold.
No judges, sure, were e'er so mad,
Or so resolved to err-
They lavish'd all on her.
Then thus the god whom fondly they
Their great inspirer call,
To reprimand them all.
• Since thus ye have combined (he said),
My favourite nymph to slight, Adorning May, that peevish maid,
With June's undoubted right;
• The minx shall, for your folly's sake,
Still prove herself a shrew,
And pinch your noses blue.'
ON A MISCHIEVOUS BULL, which the ownER OF HIM SOLD AT. THE AUTHOR's
The pleasures of this place
Creatures of gentler race.
Aware of wintry storms,
Of rugged oaks for worms;
With frictions of her fleece;
Like her, a friend to peace.
From this secure retreat-
The happiest of the great.
But thou canst taste no calm delight;
Thy pleasure is to show
Thy prowess-therefore go. -
So I no more may find thee;
And claps the gate behind thee.