"But if I broke asunder all such pettifogging bounds,

And forged a party's Will for (say) Five Hundred Thousand

Pounds,

With such an irresistible temptation to a haul,

Of course the sin must be infinitesimally small.

"There's WILSON who is dying-he has wealth from Stock and

rent

If I divert his riches from their natural descent,

I'm placed in a position to indulge each little whim."
So he diverted them—and they, in turn, diverted him.

Unfortunately, though, by some unpardonable flaw,
Temptation isn't recognized by Britain's Common Law;
Men found him out by some peculiarity of touch,
And WILLIAM got a "lifer," which annoyed him very much.

Dab

For, ah! he never reconciled himself to life in gaol,

He fretted and he pined, and grew dispirited and pale;
He was numbered like a cabman, too, which told upon him so
That his spirits, once so buoyant, grew uncomfortably low.

1

And sympathetic gaolers would remark, "It's very true,

He ain't been brought up common, like the likes of me and you." So they took him into hospital, and gave him mutton chops, And chocolate, and arrowroot, and buns, and malt and hops.

Kind Clergymen, besides, grew interested in his fate,
Affected by the details of his pitiable state.

They waited on the Secretary, somewhere in Whitehall,
Who said he would receive them any day they liked to call.

"Consider, sir, the hardship of this interesting case:

A prison life brings with it something very like disgrace;
It's telling on young WILLIAM, who's reduced to skin and bone-
Remember he's a gentleman, with money of his own.

"He had an ample income, and of course he stands in need
Of sherry with his dinner, and his customary weed;
No delicacies now can pass his gentlemanly lips—
He misses his sea-bathing and his continental trips.

"He says the other prisoners are commonplace and rude; He says he cannot relish uncongenial prison food.

When quite a boy they taught him to distinguish Good from Bad, And other educational advantages he's had.

"A burglar or garotter, or, indeed, a common thief
Is very glad to batten on potatoes and on beef,

Or anything, in short, that prison kitchens can afford,—
A cut above the diet in a common workhouse ward.

"But beef and mutton-broth don't seem to suit our WILLIAM'S

whim,

A boon to other prisoners-a punishment to him.

It never was intended that the discipline of gaol

Should dash a convict's spirits, sir, or make him thin or pale."

"Good Gracious Me!" that sympathetic Secretary cried, "Suppose in prison fetters MISTER WILLIAM should have died! Dear me, of course! Imprisonment for Life his sentence saith: I'm very glad you mentioned it-it might have been For Death!

"Release him with a ticket-he'll be better then, no doubt,
And tell him I apologize." So MISTER WILLIAM's out.
I hope he will be careful in his manuscripts, I'm sure,
And not begin experimentalizing any more.

I

'M old, my dears, and shrivelled with age, and work, and grief, My eyes are gone, and my teeth have been drawn by Time, the Thief!

For terrible sights I've seen, and dangers great I've run-
I'm nearly seventy now, and my work is almost done!

Ah! I've been young in my time, and I've played the deuce with

men!

I'm speaking of ten years past-I was barely sixty then:

My cheeks were mellow and soft, and my eyes were large and sweet, POLL PINEAPPLE'S eyes were the standing toast of the Royal Fleet!

A bumboat woman was I, and I faithfully served the ships
With apples and cakes, and fowls, and beer, and halfpenny dips,
And beef for the generous mess, where the officers dine at nights,
And fine fresh peppermint drops for the rollicking midshipmites.

Of all the kind commanders who anchored in Portsmouth Bay, By far the sweetest of all was kind LIEUTENANT BELAYE. LIEUTENANT BELAYE commanded the gunboat Hot Cross Bun, She was seven and thirty feet in length, and she carried a gun.

With a laudable view of enhancing his country's naval pride,

When people inquired her size, LIEUTENANT BELAYE replied,

Oh, my ship, my ship is the first of the Hundred and Seventy-ones!" Which meant her tonnage, but people imagined it meant her guns.

Whenever I went on board he would beckon me down below, "Come down, Little Buttercup, come" (for he loved to call me so), And he'd tell of the fights at sea in which he'd taken a part, And so LIEUTENANT BELAYE won poor POLL PINEAPPLE'S heart!

But at length his orders came, and he said one day, said he, "I'm ordered to sail with the Hot Cross Bun to the German Sea." And the Portsmouth maidens wept when they learnt the evil day, For every Portsmouth maid loved good LIEUTENANT BELAYE