THE PRECOCIOUS BABY (To be sung to the Air of the "Whistling Oyster.") N elderly persona prophet by trade- AN On withered old lips, He married a young and a beautiful maid : Though rather decayed, He married a beautiful, beautiful maid. She was only eighteen, and as fair as could be, With her tempting smiles And maidenly wiles, And he was a trifle of seventy-three: Now what she could see Is a puzzle to me, In a buffer of seventy seventy-three! Of all their acquaintances bidden (or bad) And underbred winks None thought they'd a family have but they had; A dear little lad Who drove 'em half mad, For he turned out a horribly fast little cad. For when he was born he astonished all by, With their Law, dear me !" "Did ever you see?" He'd a weed in his mouth and a glass in his He grumbled at wearing a frock and a cap, And his "Hang it ! you know!" And he turned up his nose at his excellent pap (Now this was remarkably excellent pap.) He'd chuck his nurse under the chin, and he'd Then I'd wish, if you please, for to hook it away." His father, a simple old gentleman, he And "Once on a time," Would tell him the story of "Little Bo P," "So pretty was she, So pretty and wee, As pretty, as pretty, as pretty could be." But the babe, with a dig that would startle an ox, With his "C'ck! Oh, my! Go along wiz Would exclaim, "I'm affaid 'oo a Now a father it shocks, And it whitens his locks When his little babe calls him a shocking old fox. The name of his father he 'd couple and pair (With his ill-bred laugh And insolent chaff) With those of the nursery heroines rare, Virginia the fair, Or Good Golden hair, Till the nuisance was more than a prophet could bear. "There's Jill and White Cat" (said the little bold brat, With his loud ❝ Ha, ha !”) "'Oo sly ickle pa! Wiz 'oo Beauty, Bo Peep, and 'oo Mrs. Jack Sprat ! I've noticed 'oo pat My pretty White Cat I sink dear mamma ought to know about dat ! " He early determined to marry and wive, For better or worse, With his elderly nurse Which the poor little boy did n't live to contrive; His health did n't No longer alive, He died an enfeebled old dotard at five! MORAL. Now elderly men of the bachelor crew, And spectacled nose, Don't marry at all-you may take it as true For The step you will rue, your babes will be elderly — elderly too. TO PHOEBE "GE ENTLE, modest little flower, Love me but for half-an-hour, "Smiles that thrill from any distance Shed upon me while I sing! Please ecstaticize existence, Love me, oh, thou fairy thing! If I loved you, fondly, madly; |