Said she "I'll have you fined for this,
And soon it shall be done,
I'll have you up at Worship Street,
You wicked one, naught, one!"
And sure enough at Worship Street
That Friday week they stood;
She said bad language he had used,
And thus she "made it good."
"He said two shillings was his fare,
And wouldn't take no less-
I said one shilling was enough,-
And he said C—U—S !
"And when I raised my eyes at that,
He swore again at them,
I said he was a wicked man,
And he said D-A-M."
Now Jarvy's turn was come to speak
So he stroked down his hair,
"All what she said is false-cause why?
I'll swear I never swear!
"There's old Joe Hatch, the waterman,
Can tell you what I am,
I'm one of seven children, all
Brought up without a Dam!
"He'll say from two year old and less
Since ever I were nust,
If ever I said C—U—S,
I wish I may be cust!
"At Sion Cottage I takes up,
And raining all the while,
To go to New Jerusalem,
A wery long two mile.
"Well, when I axes for my fare,
She rows me in the street,
And uses words as is not fit
For coachmen to repeat!
You sinner! I know well,
Your worship, it's the P-I-T
Of E and double L!"
Now here his worship stopp'd the case-
Said he "I fine you both!
And of the two-why Mrs. Cope's
I think the biggest oath !”
How Monarchs die is easily explained,
And thus it might upon the Tomb be chiseled :
"As long as George the Fourth could reign he reigned. And then he mizzled.”
"If the affairs of this world did not make us so sad,
'Twould be easy enough to be merry."-Old Song.
THERE is nothing but plague in this house!
There's the turbot is stole by the cat,
The Newfoundland has eat up the grouse,
And the haunch has been gnawed by a rat!
It's the day of all days when I wished
That our friends should enjoy our good cheer; Mr. Wiggins-our dinner is dished—
But I wish you a happy New Year!
Mr. Rudge has not called, but he will,
For his rates, church, and highway, and poor;
And the butcher has brought in his bill-
Twice as much as the quarter before.
Little Charles is come home with the mumps,
And Matilda with measles, I fear;
And I've taken two sov'reigns like dumps-
But I wish you a happy New Year!
Your poor brother is in the Gazette,
And your banker is off to New York;
Mr. Bigsby has died in your debt,
And the "Wiggins" has foundered near Cork. Mr. Merrington's bill is come back;
You are chosen to serve overseer;
The new wall is beginning to crack—
But I wish you a happy New Year!
The best dinner-set's fallen to the ground;
The militia's called out, and you're drawn ;
Not a piece of our plate can be found,
And there's marks of men's feet on the lawn; Two anonymous letters have come,
That declare you shall die like a Weare;
And it may or may not be a hum-
But I wish you a happy New Year!
The old law-suit with Levy is lost;
You are fined for not cleansing the street;
And the water-pipe's burst with the frost,
And the roof lets the rain in and sleet.
Your old tenant at seventy-four
Has gone off in the night with his gear,
And has taken the key of the door-
But I wish you a happy New Year!
There's the "Sun" and the " Phoenix" to pay,
For the chimney has blazed like Old Nick
The new gig has been jammed by a dray,
And the old horse has taken to kick.
We have hardly a bushel of small,
And now coal is extravagant dear;
Your great coat is stole out of the hall-
But I wish you a happy New Year!
The whole green-house is smashed by the hail,
And the plants have all died in the night;
The magnolia's blown down by the gale,
And the chimney looks far from upright;
And-the deuce take the man from the shop,
That hung up the new glass chandelier !---
It has come, in the end, to one drop-
But I wish you a happy New Year!
There's misfortune wherever we dodge
It's the same in the country and town;
There's the porter has burned down his lodge,
While he went off to smoke at the Crown.
The fat butler makes free with your wine,
And the footman has drunk the strong beer,
And the coachman can't walk in a line-
But I wish you a happy New Year!
I have doubts if your clerk is correct-
There are hints of a mistress at Kew,
And some day he'll abscond, I expect;
Mr. Brown has built out your back view;
The new housemaid's the greatest of flirts-
She has men in the house, that is clear;
And the laundress has pawned all your shirts-
But I wish you a happy New Year!
Your "Account of a Visit to Rome,"
Not a critic on earth seems to laud;
And old Huggins has lately come home,
And will swear that your Claude isn't Claude; Your election is far from secure,
Though it's likely to cost very dear;
You're come out in a caricature
But I wish you a happy New Year!
You've been christened an ass in the Times,
And the Chronicle calls you a fool;
And that dealer in boys, Dr. Ghrimes,
Has engaged the next house for a school;
And the play-ground will run by the bower
Which you took so much trouble to rear-
We shall never have one quiet hour—
But I wish you a happy New Year!
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