LIEUTENANT LUFF. ALL you that are too fond of wine, Or any other stuff, Take warning by the dismal fate Of one Lieutenant Luff. He did not like soft water, So he took to drinking hard. Said he, let others fancy slops, So do not like Bohea: According to this kind of taste Did he indulge his drouth, And being fond of port, he made A port-hole of his mouth! A single pint he might have sipped And not been out of sorts; In geologic phrase, the rock He split upon was quarts! To hold the mirror up to vice No kind and prudent friend he had Full soon the sad effects of this And joined with this an evil came Of quite another sort, For while he drank himself, his purse Was getting "something short.” For want of cash he soon had pawned So now his creditors resolved To seize on his assets, For why they found that his half pay Did not half pay his debts. But Luff contrived a novel mode His creditors to chouse, For his own execution he Put into his own house! A pistol to the muzzle charged, So now for my last bier.” Against his lungs he aimed the slugs, And not against his brain; So he blew out his lights, and none And gave it in these terms: ELEGY ON DAVID LAING, ESQ. * BLACKSMITH AND JOINER (WITHOUT LICENSE) AT GRETNA GREEN. AH me! what causes such complaining breath, From Prospect House there comes a sound of wo- "For Six Young Ladies In a retired and healthy part of Kent.” All weeping, Mr. L gone down to Hades! Thoughtful of grates, and convents, and the veil ! Surrey takes up the tale, * On the third inst. died in Springfield, near Gretna Green, David Laing, aged seventy-two, who had for thirty-five years officiated as high priest at Gretna Green. He caught cold on his way to Lancaster, to give evidence on the trial of the Wakefields, from the effects of which he never recovered.--Newspapers, July, 1827. And all the nineteen scholars of Miss Jones, With the two parlor-boarders and th' apprenticeSo universal this mistimed event is Are joining sobs and groans! The shock confounds all hymeneal planners, And drives the sweetest from their sweet behaviors : Down-down through Devon and the distant shires Along the northern route The road is water'd by postillion's eyes; The post-boys heart is cracking-not his whip !- That used to urge his gallop-quicker! quicker! Vicar of Wakefield-Edward Gibbon's vicar! The barristers shed tears Enough to feast a snipe (snipes live on suction) No suits will come of Gretna Green abduction, Nor knaves inveigle Young heiresses in marriage scrapes or legal ; Look truly sad and seriously solemn, To lose the future column On Hymen Smithy and its fond resorters !— Will henceforth lure young ladies from their Chambaud. Sleep-David Laing !-Sleep In peace, though angry governesses spurn thee! Sleep, David! safely and serenely sleep, In love, would "ride and tie !" Had I command, thou should'st have gone thy ways EPIGRAM ON LIEUTENANT EYRE'S NARRATIVE OF THE DISASTERS AT CABUL. A SORRY tale, of sorry plans, Which this conclusion grants, That Affghan clans had all the Khans, |