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UP, up, my LORD JOHN RUSSELL-'tis a fair night for a fly-
Be thou a new CLEOPHAS-a new ASMODEUS I!

Come, clutch my cloak-and thro' the smoke together let us mark
The life of London, huddled 'neath the blanket of the dark.

The moon-light falls on fair St. Paul's, on the Abbey, grim and grey;
Lo! the lamps, like fiery serpents, go winding far away;
Or, like glow-worms, scattered, twinkle and wink up from below-
But 'tis not to gaze on this fair sight that thro' the night we go.
Not a builded brick, or stone, or stick, on those wide acres thrown,
But bears a tongue within it-hath a language of its own;

In street, and square, and alley bare, with its growth of human seed,
Is a great book spread beneath us-Look down, my Lord, and read!
In Steeples upward springing read prayer, struck into stone;
In Prisons barred and bastioned read crime, and curse, and groan;
In lighted West-End houses read mirth, and warmth, and show;
In foul St. Giles's hovels read squalor, want and woe.
There's a homily-hark to it! 'Tis the Voice of Saffron Hill:
"I suffer, how I suffer from my freight of human ill!
All is filthiness without me; all is ignorance within;

[gin!"
I ache with cramps-I shake with damps-Oh, the warmth of glorious
And now for proof-off goes a roof-Is that a house or hive?
Each bed's a room, each room a town, so packed and yet alive!
Lo, the maggot life of London! And that hopeless, hapless horde,
In foulness bred, in foulness fed, is work for you, my Lord!
Another and another, and the sight is still the same;
Suffering that knows no solace, and sin that knows no shame.
Hunger by thousand tables; savage life 'mid thousand schools;
Here are human hearts to frame anew - Bethink you of the tools.
But hark! another Voice is up, and pompously it booms
From well-spread tables, easy beds, and trimly furnished rooms.
"I am RESPECTABILITY: things must not go on so;
There's nowhere I can drive my gig, but something calls out woe.
"Then your sanitary meddlers, all agog for drain and sewer-
For my part, all I know is, I wish the drains were fewer;
Poor folks will throw things down 'em-as for unwholesome air,
I know our street's extremely sweet, and that's all my affair."

Whereon chimes in big BUMBLEDOM, "You're right, my worthy friend; "Tis time this stuff and nonsense were brought unto an end. There's the Union Workhouse for the poor-you should see how we have broke 'em

Into temperance by short diet, into industry by oakum."

But hark! that hoarse and hollow Voice-'tis from a Newgate cell

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Be silent, heartless blind-worms !-a different tale I tell;

I've wrestled crime for centuries, and feeble all I feel,

Tho' my bones are bones of granite, and my sinews hammered steel.

"Ye little wot how hard and hot the tide of crime flows ever;

How it laughs my CANUTE talk to scorn, and mocks my stern endeavour; How Law aghast aside is cast before that fearful sea

Which makes a plaything of the scourge, and a toy of the gallows-tree. "Call Mother Church to help me; let Saint School do all she can ; Give them Child Crime to fight with, and leave me the full-grown man, Or soon the evil saps my walls, and down forthwith ye fall, MASTER BUMBLE, SIR RESPECTABLE, gig, mace, cocked-hat, and all!" The stern sounds cease, the stars look peace on the streets so still and grey

And now to Downing Street, my Lord, with what appetite you may; And bethink you of the lesson of London, read aright,

When, with Punch for guide, you listened to the Voices of the Night.

RATHER TOO NICE.

OUR old friend, the Herald, commenced one of its leading articles the other morning with the words, "We are not very fond of interfering with other people's affairs." Surely our respectable contemporary does not mean to say that its own affairs are the only subjects it delights to write upon. A journalist who is averse to interfering with other people's affairs, had better retire from business at once, for he cannot expect that his prattle about himself would prove a source of interest to the community.

Printed by William Bradbury, of No. 6, York Place, Stoke Newington, and Frederick Mullett Evans, of No. 7, Church Row, Stoke Newington both in the County of Middlesex, Printers, at their Office, in Lombard Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriar, in the City of London, and published by them, a No. Si, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride's, in the City of London.-SATURDAY AUGUST 2 th, 1947.

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proper focus, brings an object much nearer than the object itself approves. We must not, however, blame the Margate landlords, who rush naturally enough to the most gigantic telescopes, or to anything. else, indeed, that may improve their somewhat wretched look-out. It is understood that they use the wrong end of the telescope to look at pieces of butter, remains of cold meat, and other articles belonging to their tenants, which articles are of course reduced to mere mouthfuls, too insignificant to be accounted for, by the peculiar manner in which they are viewed. Thus the telescope serves a double purpose in the hand of the ingenious native of Margate.

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No. 321.

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"There's nothing like goin amongst 'em to cquire the reel pronounciation,' his Lordship said, as he let himself into his lodgings with his latch-key. was a very eloquent young gent at the Constantinople, and I'll patronise him." "That Ah, perfide, je te démasquerai!" JOOLS remarked to himself as he went to bed in his Hotel de l'Ail. And they met the next night, and from that heavning the young men were continyonally together.

A SOUNDING HERO.

JOINVILLE has been busy taking soundings off Malta, and the authorities of the island have ordered two sentinels to keep been told, is his famous pamphlet their eyes constantly upon him. His sounding-lead, we have "Sur l'Etat des Forces Navales;" and it is astonishing how quickly it goes to the bottom. However, he has not taken the island yet, and has no the Mediterranean, for the purpose of ascertaining how far it intention. He is only occupying himself at present in sounding

Well, one day, as they were walking in the Quadrant, JooLs talking, and LORD YARDHAM sayingWee, wee," they were struck all of a heap by seeing-is agreeable to be turned into a French lake. As soon as he

sees his way clearly in this, Malta will stand no more chance than Gibraltar, but both will be swept out of the Mediterranean as clean as a French street after a good shower.

Directly this is done, JOINVILLE will steer for the British Channel, and will begin sounding it, with a view of finding out whether it will bear him as the NELSON of France. However, the ladies who bathe at Ramsgate and Brighton need not be alarmed just for the present, as the broom has not been made yet which JOINVILLE is to hoist at the masthead of his Admiral's ship. In the meantime the Chops of the Channel are filled with shouts of laughter; the only soundings off England which are likely to be of service to JOINVILLE.

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PUNCH ON PRICES.

IT is greatly to De regretted that England has not another TOOKE to write another History of Prices, for the fluctuations now occurring, demand a practised hand to deal with them, and seize their numerous varieties. The greatest and most sudden changes exist at the present moment in omnibus fares, which alter at the discretion of the cad; and though you may see a quotation of twopence when you enter a bus, it is ten to one that you will find yourself done at sixpence when you are descending from the vehicle.

An omnibus with a twopenny quotation at the beginning of your journey, increases its rate-not in speed, but in charge-as you proceed; and the shorter the distance, the more you have to pay for it. The beautiful system of jugglery pursued in reference to the geographical position of Charing Cross, renders it a convenient land-mark for warranting a double charge; so that whether the bus is entered at the Bank or Hyde Park Corner, there is always an excuse, by murmuring out something about Charing Cross, for making a demand of sixpence. In these hard times of competition, when omnibuses are cutting each other's throats, and splitting each others panels, it is difficult to be strictly honest; but the cad of Chelsea, like the wife of CESAR, should not even be suspected.

Hollo, Governor.

a strange arrangement; but we suppose it is founded on the strict rules CONSIDERABLE misapprehension seems to exist as to the effect of a next act, perhaps, will be, that all letters addressed to a dead man, of justice, for there is the old Latin extenuation, "Fiat justitia." The failure of the Governor of the Bank of England. Some people imagine within three months after his death, are to be forwarded to his exthat bank notes have suddenly become mere waste paper, and that the ecutors; and if that answers, the succeeding act probable may be, that Bank parlour has been of course stript of its sideboard of plate in order all billets-doux sent to a young lady, three weeks after her marriage, to meet the defalcations of the Governor. This is not true, and the busi- must be sent to her newly-acquired husband; and so on with widows ness of the concern is conducted just as usual. The number of omni- when they re-marry, and servants and clerks when they obtain a new buses continually conveying passengers to the Bank has not been situation. With five acts of the above agreeable nature, the post of reduced; and, if we are to judge by the number of persons going POSTMASTER-GENERAL will be as much run after as a Syncretic tragedy thither, confidence in its stability remains unabated. There is no truth in the dog-days. By the bye, the recent corn failures will be likely to test in the rumour that the threepenny omnibuses running to the Bank are the MARQUIS OF CLANRICARDE's memory to no slight extent! in connection with the concern, and that the reduced fares are typical be resigning in favour of MAJOR BENIOUSKI, or the City Remembrancer.

of its reduced circumstances.

RECOLLECTIONS OF THE POST-OFFICE.

HEALTH AND TEMPERANCE.

He will

Ir is reported by the newspapers, that at a temperance soirée lately WE are informed that, by an Act which came into force on the first held at Londonderry in honour of FATHER MATHEW, the Mayor of of last month, all post letters addressed to a bankrupt, within three FATHER MATHEW" Toasts at a Temperance Meeting! If these Derry in the chair, after the usual loyal toasts, the chairman gave months after a fiat, are to be forwarded by the POSTMASTER-GENERAL to the assignees. Can this be true? If so, the POSTMASTER-GENERAL will toasts were not dry toasts, what were they? A temperance toast, have enough to do to store his head with the names of every bankrupt and one would think, must be either toast and tea, or toast and water.

his assignees. He will have to make himself master of all the mercantile distresses of the country, and every time a new Gazette is published, he will have to shut himself up till he is able to recite the mass of

THE ONLY THING TO SAVE FRANCE.

SOCIETY in France is in a very bad state-none worse. The only

"broken English" with the fluency of MADAME CELESTE. It strikes us as thing to regenerate it is to throw open all the ports, and admit Punch.

Popular Blinds.

water (the national beveridge), with cheerful conversation on the ewents of the day, or with an armless gaym of baggytell in the backparlor."

So wrote at least our friend JooLs to his newspaper, the Horriflam; and of this back-parlor and baggytell bord, of this counter, of this Constantanople Divan, he became almost as reglar a frequenter as the plaster of Parish Turk who sits smoking a hookey between the two blue coffee cups in the winder.

A HOUSE at Berlin has proposed to all the railway companies of Germany to supply their carriages with silk blinds, for nothing, The secret of this generous proposal is in order to cover the blinds with advertisements. This idea must have been borrowed from England, where the advertisements for a long time past have been the most decided blinds. What is a pill which professes to cure everything, but I have oftin, smokin my own shroot in silents in a corner of the a most perfect blind? What is an ointment, though it has an earl's Diwann, listened to JOOLS and his friends inwaying aginst Hingland, signature to it, but a decided blind, when it warrants to put together and boastin of their own immortial country. How they did go on about broken limbs, and to heal everything down to the dissensions in WELLINTUN, and what an arty contamp they ad for him!-how they Walbrook Church? What are the advertisements which offer £5 used to prove that France was the Light, the Scenter-pint, the a-year to a governess, and "the comforts of a home," but the most Igsample and Hadmiration of the whole world! And though I scarcely hideous blinds? What is the snuff, which vouches almost to give eyes take a French paper now-a-days (I lived in early days as groom in to those who have lost them, but a most egregious blind? What are a French famly three years, and therefore knows the languidg), though, the challenges of the mesmeric professors to make you read through I say, you can't take up JOOLS's paper, the Orriflam, without readin mill-stones, or to decipher objects a hundred miles off, but the most that a minister has committed bribery and perjury, or that a littery transparent blinds? Our advertisement pages are literally smothered man has committed perjury and murder, or that a Duke has stabbed his with these blinds, which are drawn purposely to keep the public in the wife in fifty places, or some story equally horrable; yet for all that it's dark, as the Professor of every infallible Panacea very well knows that admiral to see how the French gents will swagger-how they will be Quackery never could flourish but in obscurity. But what a company offers to do in Germany, is done in England by and nothink shall prevent 'em-knowing they will have it, I say I listen, the scenters of civilisation-how they will be the Igsamples of Europ, the government, which derives a profit of one shilling and three half-smokin my pip in silence. But to our tail. pence for every blind it allows to be put before the eyes of the British public to keep the light from it. In 1846 it derived a profit of etired in the igth of fashn; and indead presenting by the cleanlyness of Reglar every evening there came to the Constanțanople a young gent £34,544 128. 11d., which was paid as duty on patent medicines, and his appearants and linning (which was generally a pink or blew shurt, £4,487, which was paid for licenses to sell the same. We doubt if the with a cricketer or a dansuse pattern) rayther a contrast to the dinjy and Berlin company will get so much from their disposal of blinds. It had better start a Society for a new Life Pill. Germany has not been wistkcard sosiaty of the Diwann. As for wiskars, this young mann had worked yet with pills. What does it say to a Prussian Constitution only he was always pulling at it. His statue was diminnative, but his none beyond a little yallow tought to his chin, which you woodn notas, Life Pill, prepared upon the homoeopathic system, with a testimonial coschume supubb, for he had the tippiest Jane boots, the ivoryheadest from KING WILLIAM as to its infallibility. We pledge the amount we pay every year for income tax (which, by the bye, was one of PEEL'S canes, the most gawjus scarlick Jonville ties, and the most Scotchblinds), that it could not hit upon a more profitable blind; the eyes of plaidest trowseys, of any customer of that establishment. He was Faderland are so closed with Canaster and Portorico, that they could univusaly called Milord. not possibly see through it!

PUNCH'S PRIZE NOVELISTS.

CRINOLINE.

BY JE-MES PL-SHI, ESQ.

N

"Qui est ce jeune seigneur? Who is this young hurl who comes knightly to the Constantanople, who is so proddigl of his gold, (for indeed the young gent would frequinly propoase gininwater to the company), and who drinks so much gin ?" asked MUNSEER CHACABAC of a friend

from the Hotel de l'Ail.

"His name is LORD YARDHAM," answered that friend. "He never comes here but at night-and why?"

"Y?" igsclaimed Joors, istonisht.

"Why? because he is engaygd all day-and do you know where he is engaygd all day ?"

"Where?" asked JOOLS.

"At the Foring Office-now do you beginn to understand?"-JOOLS trembled.

He speaks of his uncle, the head of that office.-"Who is the head of that offis ?-PALMERSTON.'

"The nephew of PALMERSTON!" said JooLs, almost in a fit.

OT fur from that knowble and
cheerfle Squear which MUN-
SEER JOOLS DE CHACABAC
had selacted for his eboad in
London-not fur, I say, from "LOR YARDHAM pretends not to speak French," the other went on.
Lester Squarr, is a rainje of "He pretends he can only say wee and commong porty voo. Shallow
bildings called Pipping's humbug!-I have marked him during our conversations.-When we
Row, leading to Blue Lion have spoken of the glory of France among the nations, I have seen his
Court, leading to St. Martin's eye kindle, and his perfidious lip curl with rage. When they have
Lane. You know Pipping's discussed before him, the Imprudents! the affairs of Europe, and
Buildings by its greatest RAGGYBRITCHOVICH has shown us the next Circassian Campaign, or
ornament, an am and beefouce SAPOUSNE has laid bare the plan of the Calabrian patriots for the next
(where JooLs has often stood insurrection, I have marked this stranger-this LOR YARDHAM. He
admiring the degstaraty of smokes, 'tis to conceal his countenance; he drinks gin, 'tis to hide his
the carver a cuttin the varous face in the goblet.-And be sure, he carries every word of our con-
jints), and by the little fish-versation to the perfidious PALMERSTON, his uncle.'
mungur's, where you remark "I will beard him in his den," thought JooLS. "I will meet him
the mouldy lobsters, the fly- corps-à-corps-the tyrant of Europe shall suffer through his nephew,
blown picklesammon, the and I will shoot him as dead as DUJARRIER."

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Ah, l'Angleterre, l'Angleterre, tu nous dois une revanche," said
JoOLES, crossing his arms and grinding his teeth at LORD YARDHAM.
Wee," said LORD YARDHAM; wee."
"Delenda est Carthago!" howled out JOOLS.

playbills, and the gingybear When LOR YARDHAM came to the Constantanople that night, JOOLS bottles in the window-above i'd him savidgely from edd to foot, while LORD YARDHAM replied the all, by the Constantinople same. It wasn't much for either to do-neyther being more than 4 Divan, kep by the MISSES foot ten hi-JOOLS was a grannydear in his company of the Nashnal MORDEKY, and well known Gard, and was as brayv as a lion. to every lover of "a prime sigaw and an exlent cup of reel Moky Coffy for 6d." The Constantinople Divann is greatly used by the foring gents of Lester Squar. I never ad the good fortn to pass down Pipping's Buildings without seeing a haf-a-duzen of 'em on the threshole of the extablishment, giving the street an oppertunity of testing the odar of the MISSES MORDEKY's prime Avannas. Two or three mor may be visable inside, settn on the counter or the chestis, indulging in their fav'rit whead, the rich and spisy Pickwhick, the ripe Manilly, or the flagrant and arheumatic Qby.

"These Divanns are, as is very well known, the knightly resott of the young Henglish nobillaty. It is ear a young Pier, after an arjus day at the House of Commons, solazes himself with a glas of gin-and

"O, wee," said the ERL OF YARDHAM, and at the same momint his glas of ginawater coming in, he took a drink, saying, "A voter santy, Munseer" and then he offered it like a man of fashn to JooLS.

A light broak on JOOLS's mind as he igsepted the refreshmint. "Sapoase," he said, "instedd of slaughtering this nephew of the infamous PALMERSTON, I extract his secrets from him; suppose I pump himsuppose I unveil his schemes and send them to my paper? La France may hear the name of JOOLS DE CHACABAC, and the star of honour may glitter on my bosom."

So, axepting LORD YARDHAM'S cortasy, he returned it by ordering

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