71

CHAPTER VI.

MANNERS AND COURTESY.

"Toutes les bonnes maximes sont dans le monde; on ne manque qu'à les appliquer."-Pascal.

THE importance of good manners is to be the main theme of this chapter; and, assuredly, if Lord Chesterfield's oft-quoted assertion, that

manners make the man," be true, how much more certain is it that manners make the woman! It is scarcely possible to over-estimate their value in all the earlier years of a woman's existence; and I do not hesitate to say that an agreeable, gentle, and courteous manner is almost like a fortune to her. She may be very beautiful, very accomplished, even very clever, and yet she will not get through life either happily or pleasantly,

if her manners are ungracious and self-engrossed. But, on the contrary, winning ways and habitual courtesy make their way to all hearts. They are fairy keys and magic wands to their possessor,such barriers do they remove, such obstacles do they overcome.

Do you happen to number amongst your friends and acquaintances any one individual of your own sex, whom you can call to mind as a universal favourite? Most of you can do this, I imagine. Some one whose presence is always hailed with pleasure, and whose absence is sure to be spoken of with genuine regret. You hear nothing very extraordinary or rapturous about her, perhaps, but you hear people remark that she is so agreeable, or ladylike, or such a dear little thing, or so nice; and when these pleasing verdicts are pronounced, there is not one dissenting voice. Now why is this? Is it her beauty? Oh no! her own sex will never love her for that. Is it her accomplishments? I think not, they are more likely to create jealousy. Is it talent and solid learning? Nay; clever women are apt to make enemies, not friends; they look down somewhat contemptuously from the high tower of their fancied superiority, and caring but little to conceal the fact, you will rarely find them

favourites. Is it her wealth? Once more I answer no; not even wealth, with its manifold advantages, will create the sort of universal passport of which I speak. It is simply the charm of courteous manners, and the art of appearing pleased, or, in other words, it is a nice sense of propriety in her intercourse with others, and a delicacy of feeling towards them. Never tell me that such things are inherent-born with us, and not to be acquired. More or less inherent they may be, I acknowledge; but the foundation and root is obedience to the golden rule of "doing to others as you would be done by," and bearing the precept in mind in little things as well as in great ones. Yes; criticize and scrutinize as much as you will, your friend's power of fascination, and you will never find any clearer definition of her nameless charm.

Good morals and good manners are much more nearly allied than most people imagine; but the former is the root of the tree, the latter is only the branches. The former proceeds from the heart, the latter from politeness; but then true politeness must come from the heart, and this being good, the rest will follow. The first maxim of politeness is to be agreeable to everybody, even at the expense of one's own comfort. Now,

what is this but self-denial and forgetfulness of self? and surely they are the fundamental laws of Christianity. To be kind to one another, and to render good for evil, is the true exercise of Christianity, and assuredly it is likewise the true basis of courtesy. Meekness and humility are the most beautiful of the Christian virtues, as they are also the very rock and foundation of good breeding. That which militates most against good manners is an indifference to, or want of consideration for, the feelings of others; and what is this but the not doing to others as you would they should do unto you?

Pride, ill-temper, and selfishness are alike opposed to Christianity and to good breeding; and surely no offence ever yet was given or taken in what is termed polite society, that might not be easily traced to one of these evil sources. And now, having advocated courtesy on the highest principle, namely, its conformity with true religion, I will lower my standard and advocate it for the less worthy reason, that courtesy begets courtesy, and that its habitual use will oil the wheels of life for you, and make you happier in yourself than you would otherwise be. Just try it for one single day in your own home circle, and see if I am not right. There will be no great

room for the display of it, perhaps, and no great cause for self-sacrifice; and yet the effort will make you perform many little acts of kindness, which you would not otherwise have even thought of; and moreover, it will make you leave unsaid and undone some words and deeds, of which you would have afterwards repented. For instance, how frequent an occurrence it is to hear young people, but especially brothers and sisters, contradict each other flatly in conversation; and to what quarrels, and wranglings, and discords does this lead, which a little courteousness on either side might have prevented! Again, how often the manner of saying a thing gives offence! If you must say what you know will occasion annoyance (such as refusing a request or telling an unpleasant truth), try and do it as softly and gently as you can. I assure you it is quite possible to confer even a great favour in such a harsh and ungracious way, that the person receiving it feels more insulted than thankful; whereas, a refusal or a reproof may so softened by a kind and courteous manner that they will be deprived of half their bitterness. Some persons will tell you that this is humbug. Never listen to them. There can be no humbug in the avoidance of giving needless pain. Others

be