tell him, I know not how oft, that that ring was copper. Fal. How! the prince is a Jack, a sneakcup: 'sblood, an he were here, I would cudgel him like a dog, if he would say so. Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS, making signs of marching. How now, lad? is the wind in that door, i' faith ?-must we all march? Bard. Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion. Hos. My lord, I pray you, hear me. P. Hen. What say'st thou, Mistress Quickly? How does thy husband? I love him well; he is an honest man. Hos. Good my lord, hear me. Ful. Pr'ythee, let her alone and list to me. P. Hen. What say'st thou, Jack? Fal. The other night, I fell asleep here behind the arras, and had my pocket picked: this house is turned bawdy-house, they pick pockets. P. Hen. What didst thou lose, Jack? Fal. Wilt thou believe me, Hal? three or four bonds of forty pound a-piece, and a seal-ring of my grandfather's. ter. P. Hen. A trifle, some eight-penny mat Hos. So I told him, my lord; and I said I heard your grace say so; and my lord, he speaks most vilely of you, like a foulmouthed man as he is; and said he would cudgel you. P. Hen. What! he did not? Hos. There's neither faith, truth nor womanhood in me else. Fal. There's no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune; nor no more truth in thee than in a drawn fox; and for womanhood, maid Marian may be the deputy's wife of the ward to thee: Go, you thing, go. Hos. Say, what thing? what thing? Fal. What thing? why, a thing to thank God on. Hos. I am no thing to thank God on, I would thou should'st know it; I am an honest man's wife; and, setting thy knighthood aside, thou art a knave to call me so. Fal. Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say otherwise. Hos. Say, what beast, thou knave thou? Fal. What beast? why, an otter. P. Hen. An otter, Sir John! why an otter? Fal. Why, she's neither fish nor flesh; a man knows not where to have her. Hos. Thou art an unjust man in saying so; thou or any man knows where to have me, thou knave thou. P. Hen. Thou say'st true, hostess; and he slanders thee most grossly. Hos. So he doth you, my lord; and said this other day, you ought him a thousand pound. P. Hen. Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound? Fal. A thousand pound, Hal? a million: thy love is worth a million; thou owest me thy love. Hos. Nay, my lord, he called you Jack, and said he would cudgel you. Fal. Did I, Bardolph? said so. Bard. Indeed, Sir John, you Fal. Yea, if he said my ring was copper. P. Hen. I say 'tis copper; darest thou be as good as thy word now? Fal. Why, Hal, thou knowest, as thou art but man, I dare; but as thou art prince, I fear thee, as I fear the roaring of the lion's whelp. P. Hen. And why not as the lion? Fal. The king himself is to be feared as the lion dost thou think I'll fear thee as I fear thy father? nay, an I do, I pray God my girdle break! P. Hen. Oh, if it should, how would thy guts fall about thy knees! But, sirrah, there's no room for faith, truth, nor honesty, in this bosom of thine; it is all filled up with guts and midriff. Charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket! Why thou whoreson, impudent, embossed rascal, if there were anything in thy pocket but tavern reckonings, memorandums of bawdyhouses, and one poor pennyworth of sugarcandy to make thee long winded; if thy pocket were enriched with any other injuries but these, I am a villain. And yet you will stand to it, you will not pocket up wrong: art thou not ashamed? Ful. Dost thou hear, Hal? thou knowest, in the state of innocency, Adam fell; and what should poor Jack Falstaff do in the days of villany? Thou seest, I have more flesh than another man; and therefore more frailty. You confess then, you picked my pocket? P. Hen. It appears so by the story. Fal. Hostess, I forgive thee: go, make ready breakfast; love thy husband, look to thy servants, cherish thy guests; thou shalt find me tractable to any honest reason: thou seest I am pacified.-Still ?-Nay, pr'ythee, be gone. [Exit Hostess.] Now, Hal, to the news at court:-for the robbery, lad-how is that answered? P. Hen. O, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to thee :-the money is paid back again. Fal. Oh, I do not like that paying back: 'tis a double labor. P. Hen. I am good friends with my father and may do anything. Fal. Rob me the exchequer the first thing thou dost, and do it with unwashed hands, too. Bard. Do, my lord. P. Hen. I have procured thee, Jack, a charge of foot. Fal. I would it had been of horse. Where shall I find one that can steal well? Oh, for a fine thief, of two-and-twenty, or thereabout! I am heinously unprovided. Well, God be thanked for these rebels; they offend none but the virtuous: I laud them, I praise them. P. Hen. Bardolph- P. Hen. Go, bear this letter to Lord John To my brother John; this to my lord of Go, Poins, to horse, to horse ;-for thou Have thirty miles to ride ere dinner time.Jack, meet me to-morrow in the Temple hall, At two o'clock i' the afternoon : Bard. Will you give me money, captain? Bard. This bottle makes an angel. Fal. An if it do, take it for thy labor; and if it make twenty, take them all; I'll answer the coinage. Bid my lieutenant Peto meet me at the town's end. [Exit. Bard. I will, captain: farewell. Fal. If I be not ashamed of my soldiers, I am a soused gurnet. I have misused the king's press damnably. I have got, in exchange of a hundred and fifty soldiers, three hundred and odd pounds. I press me none but good householders, yeomen's sons inquire me out contracted bachelors, such as had been asked twice on the bans such a commodity of warm slaves, as had as lief hear the devil as a drum; such as fear the report of a caliver, worse than a struck fowl, or a hurt wild duck. I pressed me none but such toasts and butter, with hearts in their bellies no bigger than pins' heads, and they have bought out their services; and now my whole charge consists of ancients, corporals, lieutenants, gentlemen of companies, slaves as ragged as Lazarus in the painted cloth, where the glutton's dogs licked his sores; and such as, indeed, were never soldiers; but discarded unjust serving-men, younger sons to younger brothers, revolted tapsters, and ostlers trade-fallen; the cankers of a calm world, and a long peace; ten times more dishonorable ragged than an old-faced ancient. There shalt thou know thy charge, and And such have I, to fill up the rooms of there receive Money, and order for their furniture. [Exeunt Prince, Poins, and Bardolph. them that have bought out their services, that you would think I had a hundred and fifty tattered prodigals lately come from swine-keeping, from eating draff and husks. A mad fellow met me on the way, and told me I had unloaded all the gibbets, and pressed the dead bodies. No eye hath seen such scare-crows. I'll not march through Coventry with them, that's flat:-nay, and the villains march wide betwixt the legs, as if they had gyves on; for, indeed, I had the most of them out of prison. There's but a shirt and a half in all my company; ACT IV.-SCENE 2.-A Public Road near and the half shirt is two napkins, tacked Coventry. Enter FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH. together, and thrown over the shoulders, like a herald's coat without sleeves: and the shirt, to say the truth, stolen from my host of Saint Alban's, or the red-nose inn Fal. Bardolph, get thee before to Coven-keeper of Daventry. But that's all one; try; fill me a bottle of sack; our soldiers they'll find linen enough on every hedge. shall march through; we'll to Sutton-Cophill to-night. 1 Ensigns. An old, patched standard. Enter PRINCE HENRY, and the EARL OF WESTMORELand. P. Hen. How now, blown Jack? how now, quilt ?1 Fal. What, Hal? How now, mad wag? what a devil dost thou in Warwickshire? My good lord of Westmoreland, I cry you mercy; I thought your honor had already been at Shrewsbury. West. 'Faith, Sir John, 'tis more than time that I were there, and you too: but my powers are there already. The king, I can tell you, looks for us all; we must away all night. Fal. Tut, never fear me; I am as vigilant as a cat to steal cream. P. Hen. I think, to steal cream, indeed; for thy theft hath already made thee butter. But tell me, Jack-whose fellows are these that come after? Fal. Mine, Hal, mine. P. Hen. I did never see such pitiful rascals. Fal. Tut, tut; good enough to toss; food for powder, food for powder; they'll fill a pit as well as better: tush, man, mortal men, mortal men. West. Ay, but, Sir John, methinks, they are exceeding poor and bare-too beggarly. Fal. 'Faith, for their poverty,-I know not where they had that: and for their bareness, I am sure, they never learned that of [At the close of the interview the King and the nobles on either side withdraw. As Prince Henry is going, the following scene occurs.] Fal. Hal, if thou see me down in the battle, and bestride me, so; 'tis a point of friendship. P. Hen. Nothing but a colossus can do thee that friendship. Say thy prayers, and farewell. Fal. I would it were bed-time, Hal, and all well. P. Hen. Why, thou owest God a death. [Exit. Fal. 'Tis not due yet; I would be loath to pay him before his day. What need I be so forward with him that calls not on me? Well, 'tis no matter; Honor pricks me on. Yea, but how if Honor prick me off when I come on? how then? Can Honor set to a leg? No. Or an arm? No. Or take away the grief of a wound? No. Honor hath no skill in surgery then? No. What is Honor? A word. What is that word Honor? Air. A trim reckoning! Who hath it? He that died o' Wednesday. Doth he feel it? No. Doth he hear it? No. Is it insensible then? Yea, to the dead. But will it not live with the living? No. Why? Detraction will not suffer it: therefore I'll none of it. Honor is a mere 'scutcheon, and so ends my catechism. [Exit. ACT V. SCENE 3.-Field of battle near Shrewsbury: the battle in progress. Enter FALSTAFF. Fal. Though I could 'scape shot-free at London, I fear the shot here; here's no scoring, but upon the pate.-Soft! who art thou? [Looking at a dead body.] Sir Walter Blunt-There's Honor for you! Here's no vanity!-I am as hot as molten lead, and as heavy too:-God keep lead out of me! I need no more weight than mine own bowels. -I have led my ragamuffins where they are peppered: there's but three of my hundred and fifty left alive; and they are for the town's end, to beg during life. But who comes here? Enter PRINCE HENRY. P. Hen. What, standest thou idle here? Many a nobleman lies stark and stiff Fal. O, Hal, I pr'ythee give me leave to breathe awhile. Turk Gregory' never did such deed in arms as I have done this day. I have paid Percy, I have made him sure. P. Hen. He is, indeed; and living to kill thee. I pr'ythee lend me thy sword. Fal. Nay, before God, Hal, if Percy be alive, thou gettest not my sword: but, take my pistol, if thou wilt. P. Hen. Give it me: what, is it in the case? Fal. Ay, Hal; 'tis hot, 'tis hot; there's that will sack a city. [The Prince draws out a bottle of sack. P. Hen. What, is it a time to jest and dally now? [Throws it at him and exit. Fal. Well, if Percy be alive, I'll pierce him. If he do come in my way, so; if he do not, if I come in his willingly, let him make a carbonado of me. I like not such grinning honor as Sir Walter hath; give me life; which if I can save, so; if not, honor comes unlooked for, and there's an.end. [Exit. [In Scene 4, Prince Henry and Hotspur encounter each other. As they are about to fight Falstaff appears› and cries: "Well said, Hal! to it, Hal!--Nay, you shall find no boy's play here, I can tell you." At this moment, the Earl of Douglas, coming on the ground, strikes at Falstaff, who, deeming discretion the better part of valor, drops at once to the earth as though he were dead. When Prince Henry turns from Hotspur, whom he has slain, he sees Falstaff on the ground, and thus soliloquizes:] What! old acquaintance! Could not all this flesh Keep in a little life? Poor Jack, farewell! [Exit. Fal. [Rising slowly.] Embowelled! if thou embowel me to day, I'll give you leave to powder me, and eat me too, to-morrow. 1 Pope Gregory the Seventh, surnamed Hildebrand, was thus designated. 'Sblood, 't was time to counterfeit, or that lot too. Counterfeit? I lie; I am no counhot termagant Scot had paid me scot and terfeit: to die, is to be a counterfeit ; for he is but the counterfeit of a man, who hath not the life of a man: but to counterfeit dying, when a man thereby liveth, is to be no counterfeit, but the true and perfect image of life, indeed. The better part of valor is discretion; in the which better part I have saved my life. Zounds, I am afraid of this gunpowder Percy, though he be dead: how if he should counterfeit too, and rise? By my faith, I am afraid he would prove the better counterfeit; therefore I'll make him sure; yea, and I'll swear I killed him. Why may not he rise, as well as I? Nothing confutes me but eyes; and nobody with a new wound in your thigh, come you sees me therefore, sirrah, [Stabs Hotspur.] along with me.[Takes Hotspur on his back. Re-enter PRINCE HENRY and PRINCE JOHN. P. Hen. Come, brother John; full bravely hast thou flesh'd Thy maiden sword. P. John But soft! whom have we here? Did you not tell me this fat man was dead? We will not trust our eyes, without our ears: Fal. No, that's certain; I am not a double man; but if I be not Jack Falstaff, then am I a Jack. [Throws the body down.] There is Percy: if your father will do me any honor, so; if not, let him kill the next duke, I can assure you. I look to be either earl or Percy himself. P. Hen. Why, Percy I killed myself, and saw thee dead." Fal. Didst thou? Lord, Lord, how this world is given to lying! I grant you, I was but we rose both at an instant, and fought a down, and out of breath; and so was he; long hour by Shrewsbury clock. If I may be believed, so; if not, let them, that should reward valor, bear the sin upon their own heads. I'll take it upon my death, I gave him this wound in the thigh; if the man were alive, and would deny it, zounds! I would make him eat a piece of my sword. P. John. This is the strangest tale that e'er I heard. Fal. Men of all sorts take a pride to gird at me. The brain of this foolish-compounded clay, man, is not able to invent anything that tends to laughter, more than I invent, or is invented on me: I am not only witty in myself, but the cause that wit is in other men. I do here walk before thee, like a sow, that hath overwhelmed all her litter but one. If the prince put thee into my service for any other reason than to set me off, why then I have no judgment. Thou whoreson mandrake, thou art fitter to be worn in my cap, than to wait at my heels. I was never manned with an agate' till now; but I will in-set you neither in gold nor silver, but in vile apparel, and send you back again to your master, for a jewel-the juvenal, the prince your master, whose 1 An agate stone was frequently cut to represent the chin is not yet fledged. I will sooner have a beard grow in the palm of my hand than he shall get one on his cheek; and yet he will not stick to say his face is a face-royal: God may finish it when he will, it is not a hair amiss yet: he may keep it still as a face-royal, for a barber shall never earn sixpence out of it; and yet he will be crowing as if he had writ man ever since his father was a bachelor. He may keep his own grace, but he is almost out of mine, I can assure him.-What said Master Dombleton about the satin for my short cloak and my slops? he Page. He said, sir, you should procure him better assurance than Bardolph: would not take his bond and yours; he liked not the security. Fal. Let him be damn'd like the glutton! pray God his tongue be hotter!-A whoreson Achitophel! a rascally yea-forsooth knave! to bear a gentleman in hand, and then stand upon security! The whoreson smooth-pates do now wear nothing but high shoes, and bunches of keys at their girdles; and if a man is thorough with them in honest taking up, then they must stand upon-security. I had as lief they would put ratsbane in my mouth, as offer to stop it with-security. I look'd he should have sent me two-and-twenty yards of satin, as I am a true knight, and he sends mefor he hath the horn of abundance, and the security. Well, he may sleep in security: lightness of his wife shines through it; and yet cannot he see, though he have his own Lantern to light him.-Where's Bardolph ? Page. He's gone into Smithfield, to buy your worship a horse. Fal. I bought him in Paul's, and he'll buy me a horse in Smithfield: an I could get me but a wife in the stews, I were manned, horsed, and wived. Enter the LORD CHIEF JUSTICE, and an Attendant. Page. Sir, here comes the nobleman that committed the Prince for striking him about Bardolph. Fal. Wait close, I will not see him. Chief J. What's he that goes there? Atten. Falstaff, an't please your lordship. Chief J. He that was in question for the robbery? human form, and was occasionally worn in the hat by done good service at Shrewsbury: and, as Atten. He, my lord: but he hath since gallants. |