For God doth know, so shall the world ago, rioted in visions of money and influence and sack perceive, That I have turn'd away my former self; The tutor and the feeder of my riots: And, as we hear you do reform yourselves, We will, according to your strength and qualities, Give you advancement.-Be it your charge, my lord, [To the Chief Justice. To see performed the tenor of our word. Set on. [Exeunt King and train. Fal. Master Shallow, I owe you a thousand pound. Shal. Ay, marry, Sir John; which I beseech you to let me have home with me. Fal. That can hardly be, Master Shallow. Do not you grieve at this; I shall be sent for in private to him: look you, he must seem thus to the world. Fear not your advancement; I will be the man yet, that shall make you great. Shal. I cannot perceive how; unless you give me your doublet, and stuff me out with straw. I beseech you, good Sir John, let me have five hundred of my thousand. Fal. Sir, I will be as good as my word: this that you heard was but a color. Shal. A color, I fear, that you will die in, Sir John. Fal. Fear no colors; go with me to dinner. Come, ancient Pistol,-come Bardolph; I shall be sent for soon, at night. Re-enter CHIEF JUSTICE, Officers, etc. Chief J. Go, carry Sir John Falstaff to the Fleet; take all his company along with him. Fal. My lord, my lord without limit. Such a shock of disappointment would utterly crush most men; but Jack is not a man to be long depressed by any misfortune. The wave of adver sity may roll over him, but, cork-like, he soon floats to the surface. We have followed his fortunes through the two Plays,-Parts I. and II. of King Henry the IV.: We now turn to trace his career in "The Merry Wives of Windsor." We do not pretend that there is a historic, or chronological sequence in the order of his adventures as they will thus be exhibited. It may, however, be permissible to consider that, after being discharged from the Fleet, Sir John leaves London and meets the adventures that are now about to be chronicled. This conceit derives some warrant from these words of the young king Henry V., addressed to Falstaff : "I banish thee, on pain of death, As I have done the rest of my misleaders, Not to come near our person by ten mile. For competence of life I will allow you, That lack of means enforce you not to evil; And as we hear you do reform yourselves, We will, according to your strength and qualities, Give you advancement." Leaving London, after his liberation from prison, we may conceive him as tarrying in Windsor, among other places. But how could such a confirmed old scapegrace ever hope to return to the Metropolis on the conditions imposed by the king? Another argument in favor of our supposed order of events, is found in the fact that while Falstaff's re tainers, Pistol and Bardolph, are with him throughout his career in both parts of Henry IV., he turns them adrift in The Merry Wives of Windsor.] FALSTAFF IN "THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR." [Scene 1 opens with a conversation between JUSTICE SHALLOW, his cousin SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS, a Welsh parson. Shallow has been wantonly aggrieved by Falstaff and his followers, and declares he will have redress. Shallow is a garrulous old fellow, full of a sense of the greatness of his office, and given to boasting of the hair-brained deeds and gallantries of his youth, which adventures, probably, were, for the most part, but fig ments of his rattle-trap brain. SLENDER is a simpleminded, timid creature who reverences his cousin, the Chief J. I cannot now speak; I will hear Justice Shallow, and is as nearly a cipher as any one you soon. Take them away. Pist. Se fortuna me tormenta, la sper[Exeunt. anza me contenta. [And here we get the last glimpse of our Fat Knight that the Two Parts of Henry IV. afford. Truly a sad plight for one to be in whose hopes, but a few minutes could be. Shallow is anxious to marry him to ANNE PAGE, and he is as ready to submit to that arrangement as he would be to do any thing else his relative told him to do. "Mistress" Anne has two other suitors,-one, DOCTOR CAIUS, an irascible Frenchman; and the other, MASTER FENTON, an impecunious young gentleman, who, at first attracted to the maiden by her father's mo ney, becomes afterwards her true lover :] ACT I.-SCENE 1.-Windsor. Before Page's House. Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM and PISTOL. Fal. Now, Master Shallow; you'll complain of me to the king? Shal. Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge. Fal. But not kissed your keeper's daughter! Shal. Tut, a pin! this shall be answered. Fal. I will answer it straight: I have done all this; that is now answered. Shal. The Council shall know this. Fal. 'T were better for you, if it were known in counsel: you'll be laughed at. Eva. Pauca verba, Sir John; good worts. Fal. Good worts! good cabbage.-Slender, I broke your head; what matter have you against me? Pist. Ha, thou mountain-foreigner !—Sir John, and master mine, I combat challenge of this latten bilbo :1 Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest. Word of denial in thy labras here: [To Slender. Slen. By these gloves, then, 't was he. Nym. Be avised, sir, and pass good humors: I will say, marry trap, with you, if you run the nut-hook's humor on me; that is the very note of it. Slen. By this hat, then he in the red face what I did when you made me drunk, yet I had it; for though I cannot remember am not altogether an ass. Fal. What say you, "Scarlet and John?" Bard. Why, sir, for my part, I the say, gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences. Eva. It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is! Bard. And being fap sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and so conclusions passed the careires. Slen. Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you; and against your coney-but 't is no matter; I'll never be drunk Slen. Ay, you speak in Latin then too; catching rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to the tavern and made me drunk, and afterwards picked my pocket. Bard. You Banbury cheese! Pist. How now, Mephostophilus ? Nym. Slice, I say! pauca, pauca; slice! that's my humor. Pist. He hears with ears. Eva. The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, He hears with ear? Why, it is affectations. Fal. Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse? Slen. Ay, by these gloves did he (or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else), of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovelboards, that cost me two shilling and two pence a-piece of Yead Miller, by these gloves. Fal. Is this true, Pistol? Eva. No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse. 1 Falstaff quibbles on the words council and counsel, the latter signifying secrecy. 2 The broad shillings of Edward the Sixth, much need in the game of shuffle-board. whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have godly company, for this trick: if I be the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves. Eva. So God 'udge me, that is a virtuous mind. Fal. You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen: you hear it. Enter ANNE PAGE with wine; MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE following. Page. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in ; we'll drink within. [Exit Anne Page. Slen. O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page. Page. How now, Mistress Ford? Fal. Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met: by your leave, good mistress. [Kissing her. Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome: come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness. [Exeunt. A latten bilbo (latten being a mixed metal akin to brass) means a sword wanting both edge and temper. 2 Lips. 3 Nuthook was the slang title of a catchpole, or bailiff. 4 Cleaned out. SCENE 3.-A Room in the Garter Inn. in the waist two yards about: but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, Enter FALSTAFF, HOST, BARDOLPH, NYM, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife; I PISTOL and ROBIN. Fal. Mine host of the Garter,— Hos. What says my bully-rook? Speak scholarly and wisely. Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers. Hos. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week. Hos. Thou 'rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Pheezar.1 I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap; said I well, bully Hector? Fal. Do so, good mine host. Hos. I have spoke; let him follow. [To Bardolph.] Let me see thee froth and lime; 2 I am at a word; follow. [Exit Host. Fal. Bardolph, follow him; a tapster is a good trade: an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered serving-man a fresh tapster: go; adieu. Bard. It is a life I have desired; I will thrive. [Exit Bardolph. Pist. O base Gongarian wight! Wilt thou the spigot wield? Nym. He was gotten in drink: is not the humor conceited? His mind is not heroic, and there's the humor of it. Fal. I am glad I am so acquit of this tinder-box; his thefts were too open: his filching was like an unskilful singer,-be kept not time. Nym. The good humor is, to steal at a minute's rest. Pist. Convey, the wise it call: steal! foh; a fico for the phrase. Fal. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels. Pist. Why, then, let kibes ensue. Fal. There is no remedy; I must coneycatch; I must shift. Pist. Young ravens must have food. Fal. Which of you know Ford, of this town? Pist. I ken the wight; he is of substance good. Fal. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about. Pist. Two yards, and more. spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behavior, to be Englished rightly, is, I am Sir John Falstaff's. Pist. He hath studied her well; and translated her will, out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep: will that humor pass? Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse; she hath legions of angels. Pist. As many devils entertain; and, To her, boy, say I. Nym. The humor rises; it is good; humor me the angels. Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her: and here another to Page's wife; who even now gave me good eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious œiliads:1 sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly. Pist. Then did the sun shine. on dung-hill Nym. I thank thee for that humor. Fal. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning glass! Here's another letter to her: She bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheaters 2 to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to Mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive. Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy be come, And by my side wear steel? Then, Lucifer take all! Nym. I will run no base humor: here, take the humor letter; I will keep the 'havior of reputation. Fal. Hold, sirrah, [To Robin.] bear you these letters tightly; Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores. Fal. No quips now, Pistol. Indeed I am Rogues, hence! avaunt! Vanish like hail 1 Pheezar is a word derived from pheeze, to curry, to fleece. 2 Froth and lime was an old cant term for a tapster, in allusion to the practice of frothing beer and adulterating sack. stones, go! Falstaff will learn the humor of this age, poor: Tester I'll have in pouch, when thou shalt lack, Base Phrygian Turk! Thine own true knight, JOHN FALSTAFF." What a Herod of Jewry is this? O wicked, wicked world! one that is well nigh worn to pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant! What an unweighed behavior has this Flemish drunkard picked (with the devil's name) out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, Nym. I have operations in my head, he hath not been thrice in my company! which be humors of revenge. Pist. Wilt thou revenge? Nym. By welkin, and her star! Pist. With wit, or steel? Nym. With both the humors, I: I will discuss the humor of this love to Pistol. And I to Ford shall eke unfold, How Falstaff, varlet vile, His dove will prove, his gold will hold, Nym. My humor shall not cool: I will incense Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous: that is my true humor. Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I second thee; troop on. [Exeunt. ACT II.-SCENE 1.-Before Page's House. Enter MRS. PAGE, with a letter. Mrs. Page. What, have I 'scap'd loveletters in the holyday-time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me [Reads. see: What should I say to him? I was then frugal of my mirth: heaven forgive me!Why, I'll exhibit a bill in parliament for the putting down of fat men. How shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings. Enter MISTRESS FORD. Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page! trust me, I house. was going to your Mrs. Page. And, trust me, I was coming You look very ill. to you. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary. Mrs. Page. 'Faith, but you do, in my mind. Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman? Mrs. Ford. O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honor! Mrs. Page. Hang the trifle, woman; take the honor: What is it? dispense with trifles; what is it? Mrs. Page. What?-thou liest!-Sir Alice thou shouldst not alter the article of thy Ford! These knights will hack; and so gentry. Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for "Ask me no reason why I love you; for, an eternal moment or so, I could be knighted. though love use reason for his physician, he admits him not for his counsellor. You are not young, no more am I; go to then, there's sympathy; you are merry, so am I: Ha ha! then there's more sympathy: You love sack, and so do I; would desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page (at the least, if the love of a soldier can suffice), that I love thee. I will not say, pity me, 'tis not a soldier-like phrase; but I say, love me. By me, you Mrs. Ford. We burn daylight: here, read, read; perceive how I might be knighted. I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking: and yet he would not swear; praised women's modesty: and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposi tion would have gone to the truth of his words but they do no more adhere and keep place together, than the hundredth psalm to the tune of Green Sleeves. What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think, the best way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like? Mrs. Page. Letter for letter; but that the name of Page and Ford differs! To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin-brother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I protest, mine never shall. I warrant, he hath a thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for different names (sure more), and these are of the second edition: he will print them out of doubt; for he cares not what he puts into the press, when he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, and lie under Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles, ere one chaste man. Mrs. Ford. Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very words: what doth he think of us? Enter FORD, PAGE, PISTOL, and NYм. Sir John affects thy wife. Ford. Why, sir, my wife is not young. Pist. He woos both high and low, both rich and poor. Both young and old, one with another, Ford; He loves the gally-mawfry; Ford, perpend. Ford. Love my wife? Pist. With liver burning hot: prevent: Or go thou, like Sir Acteon he, with Ring-wood at thy heels. O, odious is the name! Ford. What name, sir? Pist. The horn, I say: Farewell. Take heed; have open eyes; for thieves do foot by night: Take heed, ere summer comes, or cuckoobirds do sing. Away, sir corporal Nym.- Nym. And this is true [To Page.] I like not the humor of lying. He hath wronged me in some humors: I should have borne the humored letter to her; but I have a Mrs. Page. Nay I know not: It makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, un-sword, and it shall bite upon my necesless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury. Mrs. Ford. Boarding, call you it? be sure to keep him above deck. I'll Mrs. Page. So will I; if he come under my hatches, I'll never to sea again. Let's be revenged on him; let's appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in his suit; and lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawned his horses to mine Host of the Garter. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. Oh, if my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. Mrs. Page. Why, look, where he comes; and my good man too: he's as far from jealousy, as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance. Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman: Mrs. Page. Let's consult together against this greasy knight. Come hither. [They retire. sity. He loves your wife; there's the short and long. My name is corporal Nym; I speak and I avouch. 'Tis true: my name is Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife.-Adieu! I love not the humor of bread and cheese; and there's the humor of it. Adieu! a [Exit. Page. The humor of it, quoth 'a! here's fellow frights humor out of his wits. Ford. I will seek out Falstaff. Page. I never heard such a drawlingaffecting rogue. Ford. If I do find it; well. Page. I will not believe such a Cataian, though the priest o' th' town commended him for a true man. Ford. 'T was a good sensible fellow: well. Page. How now, Meg. Mrs. Page. Whither go you, George? hark you. Mrs. Ford. How now, sweet Frank? why art thou melancholy? Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go. Mrs. Ford. 'Faith, thou hast some crot |