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unyielding expression (I do you justice, Madam, though you haven't used me well), ascended the steps of the pulpit, and taking from the desk a fireman's speaking trumpet that laid thereon, she smote an awful blow upon a copy of the sacred scriptures, and vociferated through the brazen instrument Order!” Conversation ceased, laughter was hushed, and, with the exception of an irrepressible murmur and a subdued snicker from your reporter, as some charming being exclaimed, sotto voce,“ don't pinch me ,” silence reigned profound. “Ladies,” said the President," you are aware of the object of this meeting. Tied down by the absurd prejudices of society; trammeled by the shackles of custom and unworthy superstition; we have found it necessary to form ourselves into a society, where, free from the intrusion of execrable man; aloof from his jealous scrutiny, whether as father, brother, or that still more objectionable character of husband, we may throw off restraint, exert our natural liberty, and seek relief from the tedious and odious routine of duty imposed upon us in our daily walk of life. Any motion is in order."
At this instant, while my wondering gaze was attracted by an elderly female in a Tuscan bonnet and green veil, who, drawing a black pint bottle from the pocket of her dress, proceeded to take a “snifter” therefrom, with vast apparent satisfaction, and then tendered it to the lady that sat next (a sweet little thing in a Dunstable, with cherry-colored ribbons), a lady rose and said—“Mrs. President: I move that a committee of one be appointed to send a servant to Batty and Parrens for fifty-two brandy smashes.” A thrill of horror ran through my veins ; I rose mechanically to my feet; exclaimed “gracious goodness!” and fell, in a fainting condition, against the back of the pew. It was my Susan!! You remember the instant that intervenes between the flash of the lightning and the ensuing thunder-clap:—for an instant there was silence, dead silence you might have heard a paper of pins fall—then, “at once there rose so wild a yell," "a man! a man!” they cried, and a scene of hubbub and confusion ensued that beggars description. The venerable female in the Tuscan shyed the pint bottle at my head—the little thing in the Dunstable gave me a back-handed wipe with a parasol, and for an instant my life was in positive danger from the shower of fans, hymnbooks, and other missiles that fell around me. Put him out, Martha,” said an old lady to a lovely being in a blue dress in an adjacent pew. “I sha’n’t,” was the reply, “I haven't been introduced to him.” “ Wretched creature," said the President in an awful voice, “who are you?” Reporter for the Alta”
rose to my throat, but my lips refused their utter
What do you want ?” she continued. “I want to go home," I feebly articulated. “Put him
” out !” she rejoined; and before I could think, much less expostulate, I was pounced upon by two strongminded women, and found myself walking rapidly down Baptist Street, with the impression of a number three gaiter boot on my clothing about ten inches below the two ornamental buttons upon the small of
From this latter circumstance I have formed the impression that the little thing with the Dunstable and cherry-colored ribbons assisted at my elimination.
And now, Mr. Editor, what are we to think of this? Does it not give rise to very serious reflections, that a society should exist in our very midst of so nefarious—but indignation is useless. “I can not do justice to the subject.” Ruffled in disposition, wounded to the heart in the best and most sacred feelings of my common nature, I can only subscribe myself,
Your outraged Reporter.
INAUGURATION OF THE NEW COLLEC
ORIENTAL HOTEL, SAN FRANCISCO. Passing up Montgomery Street yesterday afternoon, between 3 and 4 o'clock, my attention was attracted by a little gentleman with a small mustache, who rushed hastily past me, and turning down Commercial Street sought to escape observation by plunging among the crowd of drays that perpetually tangle up Long Wharf. Though slightly lame, he had passed me with a speed that may have been equaled, but for a man of his size could never have been excelled; and his look of frantic terror-his countenance wild, pallid with apprehension, as I caught for an instant his horror-stricken gaze, I shall never forget. I had turned partly around to watch his flight, when with a sudden shock I was borne hurriedly along, and in an instant found myself struggling and plunging in the midst of a mighty crowd, who were evidently in hot pursuit. There were old men, young men, and maidens—at least I presume they were maidens, but it was no time for close scrutiny ;-there were Frenchmen, Englishmen, Chinamen, and every other description of men; gentlemen with spectacles and
gentlemen who were spectacles to behold; men with hats and men without hats; an angry sea of mustaches, coat-tails, and hickory shirts, with here and there a dash of foam in the way of a petticoat; and all pouring and rushing down Long Wharf with me in the midst, like a bewildered gander in a mill-race.
There was no shouting—a look of stern and gloomy determination sat on the countenance of each individual; and save an occasional muttered ejaculation of “ There he goes !” “I see him !
"“I see him!” we rushed on in horrid silence.
A sickly feeling came over me as the conviction that I was in the midst of the far-famed and dreaded Vigilance Committee settled on my mind; here was I, borne along with them, an involuntary and unwilling member-I, a life member of the Anti-Capital Punishment Society, and author of the little work called Peace, or Directions for the use of the Sword as a Pruning Hook, who never killed a fly in my life
- here I was, probably about to countenance, by my presence, the summary execution of the unhappy little culprit with the small mustache, who, for aught I knew to the contrary, might be as immaculate as Brigham Young himself. What would Brother Greeley say to see me
? But it was no time for reflection. “Onward we drove in dreadful race, pursuers and pursued,” over boxes,