CHAPTER XLIII

LOVE IS STRONG AS DEATH

ROLAND was coming, but not, as she had hoped, to brighten her new year and gain a little rest and strength for himself.

Soon before Christmas, the time of her mourning, she received a few lines asking her to receive him at once. 'I am afraid,' he wrote, that I shall be a great trouble to you. The fact is, I have broken down, and am ordered out of London. My chest has been troubling me a good deal for some time past, and lately the fog and cold have been very trying. I think old Jessop is fond of coddling people, but I do feel as if I could not go on much longer in this atmosphere. I have a longing to see that blue bay again, and to breathe the soft Devonshire air, and, above all, to set eyes upon your face, which will do me more good than anything. So, if your dear old Pow will take me in, I shall come down on Saturday. Only I warn you that you may have to begin your nursing experiences sooner than you expected. You shall try your prentice hand on me.'

Helen telegraphed in reply, 'Come as soon as you can. All ready.'

She went to meet him at the station, and was shocked at the change which had come upon him in a few months. He had a colour in his face, and his eyes were bright; but he was painfully thin, and suffered from an incessant cough. Nevertheless, he seemed quite happy as they drove away. 'I have done all I could,' he said, and am free to enjoy my holiday now without feeling guilty. That is one advantage of breaking down. You are spared any doubts as to whether you are doing your duty.'

'I wish you had come away before you broke down,' she said, with her soft eyes shining. 'It seems such a pity to go on too long. Prevention is better than cure.'

Roland laughed merrily. 'Yes, I know; and discretion is the better part of valour, and "he who fights and runs away may live to fight another day." You speak like a copy-book. Since when have you taken to those prudent maxims?'

Helen shook her head, 'You know it's true, Ro. You ought to take care of your health for the sake of others if not for your own.'

'What did you say when I told you the same thing about your nursing?'

'Oh, that is a different thing altogether.'

'Is it? Well, we won't fight about it. Anyhow, I have struck work now, and I'm going to do nothing but eat Devonshire cream, and loaf about in the sun, and read the lightest of literature, and talk to you till you're tired of me.'

'You will have to talk a long time.'

When the excitement and pleasure of arrival had passed away, Roland looked even worse than Helen had feared. Afterwards, for a day or two, he seemed to revive a little, and his spirits were bright enough; but he had no strength or energy, and his cough was distressing. At times he was feverish. Helen's sorrows had made her expect evil now, and not long after Roland's arrival she pressed the doctor to tell her whether there was any danger of the illness becoming serious. He hesitated, and then said, 'It is always a serious thing when the lungs are in question.'

'Yes; but you know what I mean, Dr. Melliss. think it is consumption?'

Do you

'I cannot tell you exactly yet. I hope there is no organic disease.'

'Then you do not think he is in immediate danger?'

'Oh, I hope not. But I shall be able to speak more definitely in a few days.'

A fortnight later Helen knew that her fears were true. She had walked down one morning to the library to change some books, leaving Roland lying on the sofa in the drawing-room. As she came back to the gate she saw Dr. Melliss's carriage in the road, and turning in, she met on the drive the doctor himself, talking to a tall well-dressed man by his side. His face was grave, and Helen felt a sharp foreboding of evil.

When he saw her Dr. Melliss stopped. Mrs. Langley. I wanted to speak to you.'

'I'm glad I met you, Helen shook hands

with him, and he went on: 'I have just been to see your brother

in-law, and as my friend Dr. Earle was with me next door, I took the opportunity of asking him to give me the benefit of his opinion.'

The tall man slightly raised his hat, and Helen was struck by his face. He was young, but there was a look of power about him.

'Yes, Dr. Melliss?'

'I am sorry to say that Dr. Earle's opinion coincides with my own; and that we think the case a very serious one.'

'Will you please speak quite plainly? Do you mean that it is consumption?"

'I am afraid so.'

'Then it is hopeless. He is dying?'

The two men looked at one another, and the elder continued: 'He may live some time yet, but a complete cure is impossible.' 'How long will it be?'

I can't say. I fear it is a question of a few months. It might be a few weeks only.'

'Is that your opinion, Dr. Earle?'

'I am sorry to say that it is.'

Helen turned to Dr. Melliss again. 'Have you told him?' 'No, Mrs. Langley. I did not like to do so without speaking to you first.'

'Do you think he suspected anything from seeing Dr. Earle?' 'Oh no. He seemed quite cheerful, and I took care not to

alarm him.'

It is quite impossible that he can get well? It is no use taking him away to Madeira or anywhere?'

'I am afraid not. He could not have a better climate than this.'

'Shall you be coming again to-morrow?'

'Yes. I shall be here about the same time.'

'Thank you. Then I will think it over, and speak to you again. I am not sure what I ought to do.'

Helen said good-bye to the two men, and they went away together. Then she turned out of the gate again, and walked down to the sea-shore at Meadfoot. She wanted a few minutes to think it over quietly before seeing Roland. There was no great shock this time. Her heart had been deadened now, and it seemed to her that she had expected the news all along. Every one she loved was struck down; of course Roland would not be spared. She wondered whether she ought to tell him. It might

do him harm, and he was ready to die if any one could be; and yet she felt he would not like to be left in ignorance. He would probably wish to see his own people as soon as possible. However, there was no necessity to decide until she had spoken to Dr. Melliss. She walked along the lonely sea-wall. It was a fine day; but the tide was high, and there had been some wind from the south-east. The waves were breaking against the foot of the massive wall, and occasionally a shower of spray flew over the road. The pavement was shining with wet, and strewn with pieces of seaweed. Helen turned at the end of the straight, and walked back again. 'It seems hard that he should have to die so young,' she thought, ' and I shall miss him cruelly. What will it be without him?' But she thought quite calmly now. She could even stop to admire the great waves that smote the Shag Rock, and poured in white foam over its shoulder.

When she came in she found Roland lying with a book in his lap. She had made him promise to lie still now when she came in; and he only smiled at her and held out his hand. She came and took it and stood by him.

'What a colour you have got,' he said.

'Yes; I have been walking along the sea-wall in the wind. The sea is so fine to-day. It is breaking right over the road.' 'I should like to see it. I say, Helen.'

'Yes.'

'I have had two doctors at me to-day. Melliss brought in another, and they were here some time.'

not.

She would not affect ignorance. 'Yes; so I hear,' she said. 'Who told you?'

Helen would have liked to avoid the question, but she could 'I met them going away.'

'Did they speak to you?'

'Yes, dear. I caught them at the gate.'

She tried to answer as if nothing unusual had occurred, but she saw that he was not deceived. He looked at her quietly for a second, and then drew her hand up to his lips and kissed it. 'You need not be afraid to tell me,' he said in a steady gentle voice. 'I saw they were keeping back something; and there can be only one thing to keep back. I would rather hear it from you. Nothing that you can say will hurt me. How long do they give me to live?'

Then Helen knelt down and put her arms round him and told him; and he lay silent, caressing the brown head on his

shoulder as if her presence gave him more happiness than death could give him pain. Love laughs at death.

Roland would not let his people be troubled.

'Let them be,'

he said; when I am really dying I will tell them. Why should they be upset when they can do nothing? And I am perfectly happy with you.'

'But is it right, Ro? Ought you not to tell your mother? She is the one who has a right to be with you.'

'She has other things to do. She could not leave Wrentham indefinitely; and I might be an unconscionable time dying, like Charles the Second.'

'You must do what you think best, Ro; but it seems to me that she ought to know.'

'I think best to be all alone with you, if you don't mind the work and worry.'

'You know I don't mind anything if I can be a little comfort to you.'

A little comfort! You have made my last year on earth the happiest of all.'

From this time forward Roland seemed to face the end as calmly as if he had been going on some short voyage. It seemed strange to Helen. He was so young, quite a boy still in some ways, and he had been so enthusiastic about his work. Occasionally he expressed regret at leaving it, but the idea never seemed to trouble him much. The only thing that did seem to trouble him at times was the thought of her future. He was anxious about that; and he was specially anxious that she should feel as he felt about religion.

Helen saw his anxiety, and did her utmost to relieve it. She had never really lost hold on her faith, and his example and his eager desire acted strongly upon her. To please him she forced herself to read and pray, and tried to be less cold and careless. It was not that she was playing a part, or trying to make her will overcome her reason. The belief was there still, at the bottom of her heart. It had been overlaid by a feeling of soreness, but it was there, and always had been. He was not asking her to believe for his sake; it was rather as if he were asking her to forgive, not to nourish resentment. If he had asked her to forgive a man or a woman who had treated her cruelly she would have listened to him. She listened to him now, when he asked her to remove from her heart any bitterness against his God. And the moment that she came and opened her heart and tried, the