Page images
PDF
EPUB

thing whatsoever and wherefoever, local or ge neral, from the commencemeut of my travels, breaking ground from England, until my fafe arrival, living or dead, to my native and wellbeloved country; and according to these prefents we, Hoft and Luther do interchangeably and with mutual and good fellowship of our and each of our free, cordial, and voluntary will, in this prefent year 1785. So be it, or the like of that. Now do your will, when the Hoft has agreed.

Midwife. I know not your family connection but, to all appearance, the poor man finds it hard to fcuffle through life, with two naked hands, a wife, and fix children. I will only put this fimple queftion. Is it confcientious, that a poor man that can fcarce keep foul and body together, fhould bear the heavy charges of a travelling Lord, and a Bifhop forfooth? Aye, marry, fo we will, and a thankey, ha, ha, ha.

[ocr errors]

Hoft. My account against is here stated, with my receipt in full, provided you receive the clyfter, and when delivered, quit my house; either accept or reject.

Luther. And pay my paffage and expences to England.

Midwife. I fhall fplit my old fides, laughing at the miserly poverty of the old Bishop, who fhould fix his thoughts on his grave, and not in other mens pockets. For fhame; fie upon it, ha, ha, ha.

Luther. But then, and fuppofe, and the like of that, as the faying is, do you mungey, and

as

as I was going to fay, Nincompoop, ninnyhammer, fiddle-dee, dee.

Hoft. Let it be fo; I will bear you harmless to England, provided you fail in the next packet. Midwife. My patience is worn out at fo much mifery under a Bishop's garb. I pity the wretch that is under your roof, or fubject to your mean, low, niggardly, covetous, and fordid will; however, I will act the chriftian part, turn up topfey-turvy, bottom up; you are big enough to run away with the gates of the city, as Sampfon. Old Hoge is not fo unwieldy but he can, upon an emergency, reft upon all-fours. Bring hither, Mr. Hoft, the bag-pipe and bowl, and, if you please, to lend a hand; bring the receiver near. I fuppofe a large eruption, according to appearances, will burft forth; give me that fafeguard, for fear a mif-hap, as I put on my best bib and tucker, and Sunday gown to appear in the presence of his lordship. Remove fhirt, that mafter may difplay the moft tremendous face; the delivery is forward, quick, put the cloth clofe under its chin.

Hoft. Bod-dy-kins, one foot of the raven, or Mufcovy drake, is out; a happy omen, harbinger of a plentiful and rich harvest.

Midwife. Your furmife is erroneous; the matter, whatever it may be, is a fixture, reprefenting five fhanks or fingers, (I fuppofe the mother longed for fome favourite or fweetheart's hand) that is most likely.

Luther. They are plefant to the feel. I often spend an idle hour in play with them, it causes a titilation which is pleafing. Midwife.

P 4

Midwife. Now ftand to your tackle, old Harry, have-at-you; I will drive it home, chock and block, and belay; I warrant you a quart of excellent fauce; your bufinefs is an fwered, I will be bound, neck or nothing; Old Nick hates cripples, therefore you see what an old woman can do.

Hoft. Here it comes, thick and threefold, nothing but brains. I understood the brains belonged to the head; but I find the reverse of the new philofophers of our enlightened age and northern hemifphere are in their fundament. This accounts for the new philofophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemisphere. Indeed,

Mad dogs they are, puppies of the age,
Blafpheme their God, gnash and pine with rage,
Vagabonds, pefts, men of no repute,
In vice forward, but in virtue mute.

Midwife. Here are brains enough to enlighten an army of philofophers, if they fed as hearty as that old rafcal Voltaire. See here, Hoft, what a phenomenon, and the most wonderful fight, a crab for all the world; there is her legs complete, with the mouth champing in the centre, frothing and vomitting out its brains.

Hoft. Or new philofophical God, of this our enlightened age and northern hemifphere; the face is dreadful, and if one may pass his ver dict, this beaft has fuffered the rigour and un

abashed

abashed luft, the innate principle on which the new philofophy is built and grounded.

Midwife. If I had positive proof, my lord as you are pleased to call him, fhould this inftant be taken cacked as he is, to the feat of juftice; is this bearable, that our trade fhould be put to fhame by a fet of Sodomites; implacable ene, mies to their God, and to their own nature: they tell me, in every capital town they have their clubs and places where they revel in obfcurity and hateful pleasure; and this your new philofophy, of this our enlightened age and northern hemifphere; nafty unnatural beast, I have a thousand minds to one, to leave you ftinking as you are, with your God, as you call your filthy brains, to be an example to your brethren.

Luther. Philofophy is the fcience where no other but truth receives the palm; truth is fubftantially and corporally proved by the five fenfes, which brings it under the fanction and cloak of the new philofophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemifphere. us per example fet the cafe, or the like of that, fuppofe the matter thus as I was faying, do ye mungey, as I proved, or the like of that, that materialism is truth, and reversed truth is materialism.

Let

Hoft. What whispering at this midnight watch, the door belet with robbers, who are you at this late hour?

Luther. I am frightened to death, O mywhere fhall I hide myfelf; they, whoever they be, understanding the great bifhop is here,

thinks they will have a large booty, but explain to them hoft that I am no bishop, neither have 1 any money; and that you are, out of charity, obliged to defray my charges; this being the naked truth perhaps may satisfy them, when we fhall be delivered from our exceeding great tertor and fright.

Enter Club.

Club. Our lord bishop of Canterbury, metropolitan, cardinal, prieft and primate of Great Britain, and all and every part, parcel, thing or things, whatsoever, or wherefoever, locally and generally, with appendages thereunto belonging or appertaining, we your eminence's most loyal members and fubjects, do with heart-felt joy and due deference, vouchsafe ourfelves the liberty of approaching your throne; praifing your heroic and great feats of chivalry, raifing yourself to the pinnacle or fummit of the new philofophy, of this our enlightened age and northern hemifphere; praying your eminence will look with a propitious eye on your faithful herd, and place your eminence like one common father at our head, to give rule, and be our great link to unite and make one herd of your two flocks, our heretofore, and now prefent focieties, that we may become one herd, and one ftye of fatted pigs, and you our common father, the old Sire in the midst of us. We farther pray your eminence, to do away and fet free the remaining, fragments which hang round about the hearts of your more an

« PreviousContinue »