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porridge, or what not. All things are at your service, free-coft: I beg you will live until you quit my house. 'Luther. You comfort me in death, you have a good heart, and nothing like striking the iron while it is hot. For fear I should recover, when you might alter your charitable disposition, we will, therefore, pass receipts ; bring pen, ink, and paper, and you bear my future expences, until I recover my native land: you shall also insure me, alive or dead, into good Old Eng. land. On these conditions I am willing to live, if I can keep my breath, otherwise I am resolved to die.
Hoft. Can it be credited that the primate of England has plotied to live at the expence of a poor publican, who can scarce keep soul and body together, and bring up a numerous family.
Luther. But then, and suppose, or the like of that, do ye mongey, or setting the case as thus, Nincompoop? When you made your proposal I esteemed your docility and was unwilling, as your spiritual father, that such noble sentiments should unspeed. I was and did resolve, therefore, do you mind me, or the like of that, not to be a whit behind you, but, the saying is, arrive at the goal before ye, Gaffer. Do you consider it is no small portion in our divinity to prompi che willing heart to every good action ; but the niggard is left in his sin; so that, fuppofing the case, or the like of that, as the saying is; I had not unfolded to you this mystery of my fatherly watchfulness to increase N 2
your your mint ; you would have lost much and I more; but, as the matter stands, supposing the case, or the like of that, do ye mongey, that you call in a notary, to note and settle our contract, and the like of that, as I was saying; otherwise I stand in jeopardy, peril, danger, and hazard of losing my breath. Be quick, I advise you, I feel myself convulsed, no time is to be loft, don't you norice the enorinous size and growth of my old friend for greatness, largeness, bigness, pat-belliedness, and agony, as a woman in travel. I shall die, niggard, miser, little mind, unless you relieve me : run for the lawyer. .
Hoft. What a navel ! I declare it is not unlike the cat's head you eat in your Olio; you undoubtedly swallowed the cat's head, which appears and holds you in this convulsive state, they are venomous and savage when confined and pent up; in like sort, the crow and also fịx rats, all which you have cooped up in your dirty fack. I will grant all your desires; pray give me countenance to apply to
ntenance to apply to your society of philosophers of this enlightened age. Mayhap, they being enlightened, may deliver you from these savages,-runs.
Luther. He is gone; he is honest and free from guile; my plot has taken place. I have now been with him chree months, enjoyed all things to my wish, and most abounding, without giving him one halfpenny. This poor ninny-hammer offers to give up all, besides which, he shall likewise bear all my expences while I chuse to remain, and to England. Befides this; I suspect the fellow has got money; 'I am resolved to strip him, as a poulterer does a bird's breech, I will not only fleece, but skin the nincompoop; I have no charity for a ningyhammer, half-witted rascallion. I shall return very differenily to the generality of Englishmen; for their improvement it shall be inserted in all our newspapers on my arrival. The great Metropolitan, Primate of all England, Wales, and Berwick upon Tweed, to his dutiful and lawn lambs all health and spiritual melody, be it known, that your lord and father is safe arrived from his travels, with open arms to communicate to you the plenicude of spiritual benediction. Be it known I have fought a good fight, as facher Abraham returning from his conquest of the four kings, loaded with spoils, so I am like sort, with this double difference in my scale. First difference. He was prince, but no priest; but I am, in spirituals, prince and priest. Second difference. He kept for himself nothing; but I get all and keep all. He vanquished four, myself four: Hoft one, Moses two, Calvin three, my son four; and lec me tell you, these four, well scraped with my three tears, and what I have scratched from one and another, since my childhood, with what I hall be upon the watch co catch at, wherever it is to be picked or come ar, in the course of seventy years outstanding, will be capable, with the donation of my pretty lambs, make, as the saying is, a Greasy Bishop. At the end of that period I shall tack five years of old Par, and fifteen of, I think, one old Gibson, he would . N 3
more to my purpose, living high, and an extraordinary of ten years-160.
Club of enlightened Pbilosopbers. Hojt. O enlightened, may it please your worfhips, to repair and set free an enlightened father in God, Lord Archbishop of Canterbury, who, by large strides of refinement in our en lightened professions, have arrived to the fummit of our new philofophy, rolling and tumbling, if he was not borne down wich unwieldi. ness, through an enormous quantity of fat, chac wallops and hangs about him like a farmer's swine, ready to receive the knife for being dressed into bacon. O the prodigy!
Club. What is it you would wish to improve yourself and bishop, touching the faculties?
Hoft. To set us free; me from the dread I am frightened with, and him a farm of different animals and different titles, received for strength and pleafure; but not having the necessary evacuations, he is pent up, stuffed and gorged, fo that with his finger he paddles with che glut filled up to his throat, his belly resembles a mountain, and the various hillocks, with an ugly navel, which terrifies me, with many other phenomenons, threatening immediate dissolution to the man, and injury to my house, with inevitable ruin to myself and family
Club. The enlightened medicine is to remove him hap-hazard at a venture, your countenance
ferms feems to indicate the harbinger of loop-hole for letting forth his wind. · Host. As other physicians, you misconceive the cause. It proceeds from an incurring, incloistered number of various voracious animals, too tedious, no time permitting to be dwelc upon.
Club. How ftands his Eminence's purse? our family being materialists pay greac deference to the philosopher's stone, being the chief principle and fundamental ground of our new philosophy. A
Hoft. I am in raptures to hear that the new philosophy of this enlightened age and hemiTphere takes its source and is a refinement on Calvinism.
Club. Calvinism confifts in chitter chatter,
Hoft. You are really the fool who cries no God, an old fect called Sadducees, among the Jews, or materialist among the christians, which defeats the term of enlightened age or new philosophy, being nothing but an old condemned heresy, hateful to God, vain-glorying in every debauchery and base action. You may debauch a fool with your vagabond lives, but never a man of honour, who will weep at the pitiful littleness of your conceptions and lust, which induces you, like a man drowning, catching at a shadow, to aflift him in his wish. You N 4