Croak. Give them my money!—And pray, what right have they to my money?

Mrs. Croak. And pray, what right then have you to my good humour?

480

Croak. And so your good humour advises me to part with my money? Why, then, to tell your good humour a piece of my mind, I'd sooner part with my wife! Here's Mr. Honeywood; see what he'll say to it. My dear Hon-485 eywood, look at this incendiary letter dropped at my door. It will freeze you with terror; and yet lovey here can read it can read it, and laugh!

Mrs. Croak. Yes, and so will Mr. Honey-490 wood.

Croak. If he does, I'll suffer to be hanged the next minute in the rogue's place, that's all! Mrs. Croak. Speak, Mr. Honeywood; is there any thing more foolish than my husband's fright 495 upon this occasion ?

Honeyw. It would not become me to decide, madam; but doubtless, the greatness of his terrors now will but invite them to renew their villainy another time.

Mrs. Croak. I told you, he'd be of my opinion.

Croak. How, sir! do you maintain that I should lie down under such an injury, and

500

shew, neither by my tears, or complaints, that I 505 have something of the spirit of a man in me?

Honeyw. Pardon me, sir. You ought to make the loudest complaints, if you desire redress. The surest way to have redress is to be earnest in the pursuit of it.

Croak. Ay, whose opinion is he of now? Mrs. Croak. But don't you think that laughing off our fears is the best way?

510

Honeyw. What is the best, madam, few can say; but I'll maintain it to be a very wise way. 515 Croak. But we're talking of the best. Surely the best way is to face the enemy in the field, and not wait till he plunders us in our very bedchamber.

Honeyw. Why, sir, as to the best, that—that's 520 a very wise way too.

Mrs. Croak. But can any thing be more absurd, than to double our distresses by our apprehensions, and put it in the power of every low fellow, that can scrawl ten words of wretched 525 spelling, to torment us?

Honeyw. Without doubt, nothing more absurd.

Croak. How would it not be more absurd to despise the rattle till we are bit by the snake? 530

505 tears, or complaints in octavos. Some later editions read: fears, or complaints.

518 very bedchamber. 01-03, misprint, very very.

Honeyw. Without doubt, perfectly absurd.

Croak. Then you are of my opinion?

Honeyw. Entirely.

Mrs. Croak. And you reject mine?

Honeyw. Heaven forbid, madam! No, sure, 535 no reasoning can be more just than yours. We ought certainly to despise malice, if we cannot oppose it, and not make the incendiary's pen as fatal to our repose as the highwayman's pistol.

Mrs. Croak. O! then you think I'm quite 540 right?

Honeyw. Perfectly right!

Croak. A plague of plagues, we can't be both right. I ought to be sorry, or I ought to be glad. My hat must be on my head, or my hat must 545 be off.

Mrs. Croak. Certainly, in two opposite opinions, if one be perfectly reasonable, the other can't be perfectly right.

Honeyw. And why may not both be right,550 madam? Mr. Croaker, in earnestly seeking redress, and you, in waiting the event with good humour? Pray let me see the letter again. I have it. This letter requires twenty guineas to be left at the bar of the Talbot inn. If it be 555 indeed an incendiary letter, what if you and I, sir, go there; and, when the writer comes to be paid his expected booty, seize him?

Croak. My dear friend, it's the very thing; the very thing. While I walk by the door, you 5.60 shall plant yourself in ambush near the bar; burst out upon the miscreant like a masqued battery; extort a confession at once, and so hang him up by surprise.

Honeyw. Yes; but I would not chuse to exer-565 cise too much severity. It is my maxim, sir, that crimes generally punish themselves.

Croak. (ironically.) Well, but we may upbraid him a little, I suppose?

Honeyw. Ay, but not punish him too rigidly. 570 Croak. Well, well, leave that to my own benevolence.

Honeyw. Well, I do; but remember that universal benevolence is the first law of nature. Exeunt Honeywood and Mrs. Croaker. Croak. Yes; and my universal benevolence 575 will hang the dog, if he had as many necks as a hydra!

END OF THE FOURTH ACT.

ACT THE FIFTH.

SCENE, An Inn.

Enter Olivia, Jarvis.

Olivia. Well, we have got safe to the inn, however. Now, if the post-chaise were ready

Jarvis. The horses are just finishing their oats; and, as they are not going to be married, they chuse to take their own time.

Oliv. You are for ever giving wrong motives to my impatience.

5

Jarv. Be as impatient as you will, the horses must take their own time; besides, you don't consider, we have got no answer from our fellow 10 traveller yet. If we hear nothing from Mr. Leontine, we have only one way left us. Oliv. What way?

Jarv. The way home again.

Oliv. Not so. I have made a resolution to 15 go, and nothing shall induce me to break it.

Jarv. Ay; resolutions are well kept when they jump with inclination. However, I'll go hasten things without. And I'll call, too, at the bar to see if any thing should be left for us there. 20