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high canopies of trees to the higher arch of heaven; Pope was one of the authors of the Memoirs of the dews of the morning impearl every thorn, and Martinus Scriblerus, where he has lavished much scatter diamonds on the verdant mantle of the earth ; wit on subjects which are now mostly of little intethe forests are fresh and wholesome. What would rest. He has ridiculed • Burnet's History of his you have? The moon shines too, though not for Own Times' with infinite humour in Memoirs of lovers, these cold nights, but for astronomers. P. P. Clerk of this Parish; and he contributed
several papers to the Guardian. His prose works
Subjects, a few of which are here subjoined:
1723. Once more I write to you, as I promised, and this
[Party Zeal.] once, I fear, will be the last! The curtain will soon be drawn between my friend and me, and nothing whatsoever, in which the most ignorant were not the
There never was any party, faction, sect, or cabal left but to wish you a long good-night. May you most violent; for a bee is not a busier animal than a enjoy a state of repose in this life not unlike that blockhead. However, such instruments are necessary sleep of the soul which some have believed is to suc- to politicians ; and perhaps it may be with states as ceed it, where we lie utterly forgetful of that world with clocks, which must have some dead weight hang. froin which we are gone, and ripening for that to ing at them, to help and regulate the motion of the which we are to go. If you retain any memory of finer and more useful parts. the past, let it only image to you what has pleased you best ; sometimes present a dream of an absent
[Acknowledgment of Error.] friend, or bring you back an agreeable conversation. But, upon the whole, I hope you will think less of the A man should never be ashamed to own he bas time past than of the future, as the former has been been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other less kind to you than the latter infallibly will be. Do words, that he is wiser to day than he was yesternot envy the world your studies; they will tend to the day. benefit of men against whom you can have no complaint; I mean of all posterity: and, perhaps, at
[Disputation.] your time of life, nothing else is worth your care. What Tully says of war may be applied to disputWhat is every year of a wise man's life but a censure ing; it should be always so managed, as to remember or critic on the past? Those whose date is the that the only true end of it is peace; but generally shortest, live long enough to laugh at one half of it; true disputants are like true sportsmen, their whole the boy despises the infant, the man the boy, the phi- delight is in the pursuit; and a disputant no more losopher both, and the Christian all. You may now cares for the truth than the sportsman for the hare. begin to think your manhood was too much a puerility, and you will never suffer your age to be but a
[Censorious People.] serind infancy. The toys and baubles of your childnand are hardly now more below you, than those toys those who are always abroad at other men's houses,
Such as are still observing upon others, are like of our riper and our declining years
, the drums and reforming everything there, while their own runs to rattles of ambition, and the dirt and bubbles of ava
ruin. rice. At this time, when you are cut off from a little society, and made a citizen of the world at large, you should bend your talents, not to serve a party or a
[Growing Virtuous in Old Age.] few, but all mankind. Your genius should mount When men grow virtuous in their old age, they only above that mist in which its participation and neigh- make a sacrifice to God of the devil's leavings. bourhood with earth long involved it; to shine abroad, and to heaven, ought to be the business and the glory
[Lying.) of your present situation. Remember it was at such a time that the greatest lights of antiquity dazzled he undertakes; for he must be forced to invent twenty
He who tells a lie is not sensible how great a task and blazed the most, in their retreat, in their exile,
more to maintain one. or in their death. But why do I talk of dazzling or blazing ?-it was then that they did good, that they gare light, and that they became guides to mankind
[Hostile Critics.] Those aims alone are worthy of spirits truly great, Get your enemies to read your works, in order to and such I therefore hope will be yours. Resentment, mend them; for your friend is so much your secondindeed, may remain, perhaps cannot be quite extin- self, that he will judge, too, like you. guished in the noblest minds; but revenge never will harbour there., Higher principles than those of the
[Sectarian Differences.] first, and better principles than those of the latter, will infallibly influence men whose thoughts and whose
There is nothing wanting to make all rational and hearts are enlarged, and cause them to prefer the disinterested people in the world of one religion, but whole to any part of mankind, especially to so small that they should talk together every day. a part as one's single self. Believe me, my lord, I look upon you as a spirit
[How to be Reputed a Wise Man.] entered into another life, as one just upon the edge of A short and certain way to obtain the character of immortality, where the passions and affections must be a reasonable and wise man is, whenever any one tells much more exalted, and where you ought to despise you his opinion, to comply with him. all little views and all mean retrospects. Nothing is worth your looking back; and, therefore, look for
[Avarice.] ward, and make (as you can) the world look after you. But take care that it be not with pity, but with rally acquires more through some niggardliness or ill
The character of covetousness is what a man geno esteem and admiration.
I am, with the greatest sincerity and passion for grace in little and inconsiderable things, than in your fame as well as happiness, your, &c.
expenses of any consequence. A very few pounds
a-year would ease that man of the scandal of syaThe bishop went into exile the following month. rice.
[Minister Acquiring and Losing Office.]
are familiarly acquainted with them at first sight;
and as it is sufficient for a good general to have A man coming to the water-side, is surrounded by surveyed the ground he is to conquer, so it is all the crew; every one is officious, every one making enough for a good poet to have seen the author he is applications, every one offering his services; the whole to be master of. But to proceed to the purpose of this bustle of the place seems to be only for him. The paper. same man going from the water-side, no noise made For the Fable.—Take out of any old poem, hisabout him, no creature takes notice of him, all lettory-book, romance, or legend (for instance, Geoffrey him pass with utter neglect ! The picture of a of Monmouth, or Don Belianis of Greece), those parts minister when he comes into power, and when he of story which afford most scope for long descriptions : goes out.
put these pieces together, and throw all the adven
tures you fancy into one tale. Then take a hero whom [Receipt to make an Epic Poem.]
you may choose for the sound of his name, and put him
into the midst of these adventures : there let him (From The Guardian.]
work for twelve hours ; at the end of which, you may It is no small pleasure to me, who am zealous in take him out ready prepared to conquer or to marry ; the interests of learning, to think I may have the hon- it being necessary that the conclusion of an Epic our of leading the town into a very new and uncommon Poem be fortunate.' road of criticism. As that kind of literature is at To make an Episode. "Take any remaining adpresent carried on, it consists only in a knowledge of venture of our former collection, in which you could mechanic rules, which contribute to the ructure of no way involve your hero; or any un unate accidifferent sorts of poetry; as the receipts of good house- dent that was too good to be thrown away ; and it wives do to the making puddings of flour, oranges, will be of use, applied to any other person who may be plums, or any other ingredients. It would, methinks, lost and evaporate in the course of the work, without make these my instructions more easily intelligible to the least damage to the composition. ordinary readers, if I discoursed of these matters in For the Moral and Allegory. “These you may exthe style in which ladies, learned in economics, dic-tract out of the Fable afterwards at your leisure. Be tate to their pupils for the improvement of the kitchen sure you strain them sufficiently.' and larder.
For the Manners. For those of the hero, take all I shall begin with Epic Poetry, because the critics the best qualities you can find in all the celebrated agree it is the greatest work human nature is capable heroes of antiquity ; if they will not be reduced to a of. I know the French have already laid down many consistency, lay them all on a heap upon him. But mechanical rules for compositions of this sort, but at the be sure they are qualities which your patron would be same time they cut off almost all undertakers from the thought to have ; and to prevent any mistake which possibility of ever performing them ; for the first qua- the world may be subject to, select from the alphabet lification they unanimously require in a poet is a those capital letters that compose his name, and set genius. I shall here endeavour (for the benefit of my them at the head of a dedication before your poem. countrymen) to make it manifest that Epic Poems However, do not absolutely observe the exact quantity may be made without a genius; nay, without learn- of these virtues, it not being determined whether or ing or much reading. This must necessarily be of great no it be necessary for the hero of a poem to be an use to all those poets who confess they never read, and honest mah. -For the under characters, gather of whom the world is convinced they never learn. them from Homer and Virgil, and change the name What Moliere observes of making a dinner, that any as occasion serves.' man can do it with money ; and, if a professed cook For the Machines.—“Take of deities, male and fecannot without, he has his art for nothing : the same male, as many as you can use ; separate them into may be said of making a poem ; it is easily brought two equal parts, and keep Jupiter in the middle. about by him that has a genius; but the skill lies in Let Juno put him in a ferment, and Venus mollify doing it without one. In pursuance of this end, I him. Remember on all occasions to make use of vos shall present the reader with a plain and certain re- latile Mercury. If you have need of devils, draw cipe, by which even sonneteers and ladies may be them out of Milton's Paradise, and extract your spirits qualified for this grand performance.
from Tasso. The use of these machines is evident ; I know it will be objected, that one of the chief for since no Epic Poem can possibly subsist without qualifications of an Epic Poet, is to be knowing in all them, the wisest way is to reserve them for your greatest arts and sciences. But this ought not to discourage necessities. When you cannot extricate your hero by those that have no learning, as long as indexes and any human means, or yourself by your own wits, seek dictionaries may be had, which are the compendium relief from Heaven, and the gods will do your busiof all knowledge. Besides, since it is an established ness very readily. This is according to the direct rule, that none of the terms of those arts and sciences prescription of Horace in his Art of Poetry. are to be made use of, one may venture to affirm, our
Nec deus intersit, nisi dignus vindice nodus poet cannot impertinently offend on this point.
IncideritThe learning which will be more particularly necessary to him, is the ancient geography of towns, mountains,
Never presume to make a god appear, and rivers. For this let him take Cluverius, value
But for a business worthy of a god.—Roscommon. four-pence.
That is to say, a poet should never call upon the Another quality required, is a complete skill in gods for their assistance, but when he is in great perlanguages. To this I answer, that it is notorious per- plexity' sons of no genius have been oftentimes great linguists. For the Descriptions.—For a Tempest. "Take Eurus, To instance in the Greek, of which there are two sorts; Zephyr, Auster, and Borcas, and cast them together the original Greek, and that from which our modern into one verse : add to these, of rain, lightning, and authors translate. I should be unwilling to promise of thunder (the loudest you can), quantum sufficit. impossibilities ; but, modestly speaking, this may be Mix your clouds and billows well together until they learned in about an hour's time with ease. I have foam, and thicken your description here and there known one who became a sudden professor of Greek with a quicksand. Brew your tempest well in your immediately upon application of the left-hand page head before you set it a-blowing.' of the Cambridge Homer to his eye. It is, in these For a Battle. Pick a large quantity of images days, with authors as with other men, the well-bred | and descriptions from Homer's Iliads, with a spice or
DR JOHN ARBUTHNOT.
two of Virgil ; and if there remain any overplus, you with an African feather, Holland shirts and Flanders may lay them by for a skirmish. Season it well with lace, English cloth lined with Indian silk; his gloves similes, and it will make an excellent battle.' were Italian, and his shoes were Spanish. He was
For Burning a Town. “If such a description be made to observe this, and daily catechised thereupon, necessary, because it
certain there is one in Virgil, which his father was wont to call “trarelling at Old Troy is ready burnt to your hands. But if you home.” He never gave him a fig or an orange, but he fear that would be thought borrowed, a chapter or two obliged him to give an account from what country it of the Theory of the Confagration, well circumstanced, came.' and done into verse, will be a good succedaneum.' A more complete and durable monument of the
As for Similes and Metaphors, they may be found wit and humour of Arbuthnot is his History of John all over the creation ; the most ignorant may gather Bull, published in 1712, and designed to ridicule the them; but the danger is in applying them. For this Duke of Marlborough, and render the nation discon. advise with your bookseller.
tented with the war. The allegory in this piece is For the Language.--(I mean the diction.) Here well sustained, and the satirical allusions poignant it will do well to be an imitator of Milton, for you and happy. Of the same description is Arbuthnot's will find it easier to imitate him in this than any Treatise concerning the Altercation or Scolding of the thing else. Hebraisms and Grecisms are to be found Ancients, and his Art of Political Lying. His wit is in him, without the trouble of learning the languages. always pointed, and rich in classical allusion, without I knew a painter, who (like our poet) had no genius, being acrimonious or personally offensive. Of the make his daubings to be thought originals by setting serious performances of Arbuthnot, the most valuable them in the smoke. You may, in the same manner, is a series of dissertations on ancient coins, weights, give the venerable air of antiquity to your piece, by and measures. He published also some medical works. darkening it up and down with oid English. With After the death of Queen Anne, when, both as a this you may be easily furnished upon any occasion physician and a politician, Arbuthnot suffered a by the dictionary commonly printed at the end of heavy loss, be applied himself closely to his profesChaucer.
sion, and continued his unaffected cheerfulness and I must not conclude without cautioning all writers good nature. In his latter years he suffered much without genius in one material point ; which is, never from ill health : he died in 1735. The most severe to be afraid of having too much fire in their works. I and dignified of the occasional productions of Dr should advise rather to take their warmest thoughts, Arbuthnot is his epitaph on Colonel Chartres, a and spread them abroad upon paper, for they are ob- notorious gambler and money-lender of the day, served to cool before they are read.
tried and condemned for attempting to commit a rape :
* Here continueth to rot the body of Francis Char
tres, who, with an inflexible constancy, and inimitDR JOAN ARBUTHNOT, the friend of Pope, Swift, able uniformity of life, persisted, in spite of age and Gay, and Prior, was associated with his brother wits infirmities, in the practice of every human vice, exin some of the humorous productions of the day, cepting prodigality and hypocrisy; his insatiable called forth chiefly by political events. They were avarice exempted him from the first, his matchless all Jacobites, and keenly interested in the success of impudence from the second. Nor was he more sintheir party. Arbuthnot was born at a place of the gular in the undeviating pravity of his manners than same name in Kincardineshire, and having studied successful in accumulating wealth ; for, without trade medicine, repaired to London, where he became or profession, without trust of public money, and known as an author and a wit. He wrote an Er- without bribe-worthy service, he acquired, or more amination of Dr Woodward's Account of the Deluge, properly created, a ministerial estate. He was the and an Essay on the Usefulness of Mathematical only person of his time who could cheat with the Learning. In 1709 Arbuthnot was appointed physi. mask of honesty, retain his primeval meanness when cian in ordinary to the queen. The satirical Memoirs possessed of ten thousand a-year, and having daily of the Extraordinary Life, Works, and Discoveries of deserved the gibbet for what he did, was at last conMartinus Scriblerus, published in Pope's works, was demned to it for what he could not do. Oh, indignant chiefly, if not wholly, written by Arbuthnot. The reader! think not his life useless to mankind. Prodesign of this work, as stated by Pope, is to ridicule vidence connived at his execrable designs, to give to all the false tastes in learning, under the character after ages a conspicuous proof and example of how of a man of capacity, that had dipped into every small estimation is exorbitant wealth in the sight of art and science, but injudiciously in each. Cer- God, by his bestowing it on the most unworthy of vantes was the model of the witty authors; but all mortals.' though they may have copied his grave irony with success, the fine humanity and imagination of the
The History of John Bull. Spanish novelist are wholly wanting in Seriblerus. It is highly probable, however, that the character of Chap. I.--The Occasion of the Law-Suit.- I need Cornelius Scriblerus suggested to Sterne the idea not tell you of the great quarrels that happened in of Walter Shandy. His oddities and absurdities our neighbourhood since the death of the late Lord about the education of his son (in describing which Strutt; how the parson? and a cunning attorney3 got Arbuthnot evinces his extensive and curious learn- him to settle his estate upon his cousin Philip Baboon, ing), are fully equal to Sterne. Useful hints are to the great disappointment of his cousin Esquire thrown out amidst the ridicule and pedantry of Scrib- South.5 Some stick not to say, that the parson and lerus; and what are now termed object lessons in the attorney forged a will, for which they were well some schools, may have been derived from such ludi- paid by the family of the Baboons. Let that be as crous passages as the following :-* The old gentle
1 Charles II. of Spain died without issue, and 2 Cardinal man so contrived it, to make everything contribute
Portocareru), and the 3 Marshal of Harcourt, employed, to the improvement of his knowledge, even to his
as is supposed, by the house of Bourbon, prevailed upon him very dress. He invented for him a geographical suit to make a will, by which he settled the succession of the of clothes, which might give him some hints of that Spanish monarchy upon 4 Philip Bourbon, Duke of Anjou, science, and likewis some knowledge of the com
though his right had by the most solemn renunciations been merce of different nations. He had a French hat | barred in favour of S the Archduke, Charles of Austria.
it will, it is matter of fact, that the honour and estate with all sorts of drapery-Ware time out of mind; and have continued ever since in the person of Philip whereas we are jealous, not without reason, Baboon.
lordship intends henceforth to buy of your grandsire, You know that the Lord Strutts have for many old Lewis Baboon, this is to inform your lordship that years been possessed of a very great landed estate, this proceeding does not suit with the circumstances well-conditioned, wooded, watered, with coal, salt, of our families, who have lived and made a good figure tin, copper, iron, &c., all within themselves ; that it in the world by the generosity of the Lord Strutts. has been the misfortune of that family to be the pro- Therefore we think fit to acquaint your lordship, that perty of their stewards, tradesmen, and inferior ser- you must find sufficient securityl to us, our heirs and vants, which has brought great incumbrances upon assigns, that you will not employ Lewis Baboon; or them; at the same time, their not abating of their else we will take our remedy at law, clap, an action expensive way of living has forced them to mortgage upon you of L.20,000 for old debts, seize and distrain their best manors. It is credibly reported, that the your goods and chattels, which, considering your butcher's and baker's bill of a Lord Strutt that lived lordship’s circumstances, will plunge you into difficultwo hundred years ago, are not yet paid.
ties from which it will not be easy to extricate yourWhen Philip Baboon came first to the possession self ; therefore we hope, when your lordship has better of the Lord Strutt's estate, his tradesmen, as is usual considered on it, you will comply with the desire of, upon such nccasions, waited upon him to wish him your loving friends, Joux BULL, Nic. FROG. joy and bespeak his custom; the two chief were John Bullt the clothier, and Nic. Frog the linen-draper. methods with the young lord ; but John naturally
Some of Bull's friends advised him to take gentler They told him that the Bulls and Frogs had served loved rough play. It is impossible to express the the Lord Strutts with drapery ware for many years: surprise of the Lord Strutt upon the receipt of this that they were honest and fair dealers, that their bills letter. He was not flush in ready either to go to law, had never been questioned, that the Lord Strutts lived generously, and never used to dirty their fingers with He offered to bring matters to a friendly accommo
or clear old debts, neither could he find good bail. pen, ink, and counters; that his lordship might de- dation, and promised upon his word of honour that pend upon their honesty ; that they would use him he would not change his drapers. But all to no puras kindly as they had done his predecessors. The young lord seemed to take all in good part, and dis- pose, for Bull and Frog saw clearly that old Lewis missed them with a deal of seeming content, assuring
would have the cheating of him. them he did not intend to change any of the honourable maxims of his predecessors.
Chap. IV.-How Bull and Prog went to Law with Lord Strutt about the Premises, and were joined by the
rest of the Tradesmen.-All endeavours of accommodaCHAP. II.- How Bull and Frog grew jealous that the tion between Lord Strutt and his drapers proved vain; Lord Strutt intended to give all his custom to his grand-jealousies increased ; and indeed it was rumoured father, Lewis Baboon. 3—- It happened unfortunatrly for abroad that Lord Strutt had bespoke his new liveries the peace of our neighbourhood, that this young lord of old Lewis Baboon. This coming to Mrs Bull's? had an old cunning rogue, or (as the Scots call it) a ears, when John Bull came home, he found all his false loon of a grandfather, that one might justly call family in an uproar. Mrs Bull, you must know, was a Jack of all trades ;t sometimes you would see him very apt to be choleric. You sot,' says she, you behind his counter selling broad-cloth, sometimes loiter about alehouses and taverns, spend your time measuring linen; next day he would be dealing in at billiards, ninepins, or puppet-shows, or flaunt about mercery ware ; high heads, ribbons, gloves, fans, and the streets in your new gilt chariot, nerer minding lace, he understood to a nicety; Charles Mather could me nor your numerous family. Don't you hear how not bubble a young beau better with a toy; nay, he Lord Strutt has bespoke his liveries at Lewis Baboon's would descend even to the selling of tape, garters, shop? Don't you see how that old fox steals away and shoebuckles. When shop was shut up, he would your customers, and turns you out of your business go about the neighbourhood and earn half-a-crown every day, and you sit like an idle drone with your by teaching the young men and maidens to dance. hands in your pockets? Fie upon it! up, man; rouse By these methods he had acquired immense riches, thyself; i'll sell to my shift before I'll be so used by which he used to squander3 away at back-sword, that knave. You must think Mrs Bull had been quarter-staff, and cudgel-play, in which he took great pretty well tuned up by Frog, who chimed in with pleasure, and challenged all the country. You will her learned harangue. No further delay now, but to say it is no wonder if Bull and Frog should be jealous counsel learned in the law they go, who unanimously of this fellow. . It is not impossible (says Frog to assured them both of the justice and infallible sucBull) but this old rogue will take the management cess of their lawsuit. of the young lord's business into his hands; besides, I told you before, that old Lewis Baboon was a sort the rascal has good ware, and will serve him as cheap of a Jack of all trades, which made the rest of the as anybody. In that case, I leave you to judge what tradesmen jealous, as well as Bull and Frog; they, must become of us and our families; we must starve, hearing of the quarrel, were glad of an opportunity of or turn journeymen to old Lewis Baboon; therefore, joining against old Lewis Baboon, provided that Bull neighbour, I hold it advisable that we write to young and Frog would bear the charges of the suit;
even Lord Strutt to know the bottom of this matter. lying Ned,3 the chimney sweeper of Savoy, and Tom,
the Portugal dustman, put in their claims; and the Chap. III.-A copy of Bull and Frog's Letter to Lord cause was put into the hands of Humphry Hocus, the Strutt.--My Lord, I suppose your lordship knows that attorney. the Bulls and the Frogs have served the Lord Strutts A declaration was drawn up to show, “That Bull
1 The English and 2 the Dutch congratulated Philip upon security to England and Holland for their dominions, navi. a succession, which they were not able to prevent; but to dis-gation, and commerce, and to prevent the union of the two appoint the ambition of 3 Louis XIV., and hinder the monarchies, France and Spain.' To effect these purposes, French nation, whose 4 trade and character are thus de- Queen Anne was, by 2 the parliament, precipitated into scribed, and whose king had a s strong disposition to the war as a principal. Among her allies were war, from becoming too potent, an alliance was formed to Duke of Savoy and * the king of Portugal; and
procure a reasonable satisfaction to the house of Austria for 5 John Churchill, Duke of Marlborough, was appointed goits pretensions to the Spanish succession, and sufficient neral-in-chief of the confederate army.
and Frog had undoubted right by prescription to be it went from him. New trials upon new points still drapers to the Lord Strutts; that there were several arose; new doubts, new matters to be cleared ; in old contracts to that purpose; that Lewis Baboon had short, lawyers seldom part with so good a cause till taken up the trade of clothier and draper, without they have got the oyster, and their clients the shell. serving his time or purchasing his freedom; that he John's ready money, book-debts, bonds, mortgages, sold goods that were not marketable without the all went into the lawyer's pockets. Then John began stamp; that he himself was more fit for a bully than to borrow money upon bank-stock and East India & tradesman, and went about through all the country bonds. Now and then a farm went to pot. At last! fairs challenging people to fight prizes, wrestling and it was thought a good expedient to set up Esquire cudgel-play; and abundance more to this purpose. South's title to prove the will forged, and dispossess
Philip Lord Strutt at once. Here again was a Dew Chap. V.-The true characters of John Bull, Nic. field for the lawyers, and the cause grew more intriFrog, and Hocus.- For the better understanding the cate than ever. John grew madder and madder ; following history, the reader ought to know, that Bull, wherever he met any of Lord Strutt's servants, he tore in the main, was an honest plain-dealing fellow, off their clothes. Now and then you would see them choleric, bold, and of a very unconstant temper; he come home naked, without shoes, stockings, and linen. dreaded not old Lewis either at back-sword, single As for old Lewis Baboon, he was reduced to his last falchion, or cudgel-play; but then he was very apt shift, though he had as many as any other. His chil. to quarrel with his best friends, especially if they pre-dren were reduced from rich silks to Doily stuffs, his tended to govern him : if you flattered him, you servants in rags and bare-footed; instead of good vicmight lead him like a child. John's temper de- tuals, they now lived upon neck-beef and bullock's pended very much upon the air; his spirits rose and liver. In short, nobody got much by the matter but fell with the weather-glass. John was quick, and un- the men of law. derstood his business very well ; but no man alive was inore careless in looking into his accompts, or Chap. VII.—How John Bull was so mightily pleased more cheated by partners, apprentices, and servants. with his success, that he was going to leare off his trade This was occasioned by his being a boon companion, and turn Lawyer.— It is wisely observed by a great loving his bottle and his diversion; for, to say truth, philosopher, that habit is a second nature. This was no man kept a better house than John, nor spent his verified in the case of John Bull, who, from an honest money more generously. By plain and fair dealing, and plain tradesman, had got such a haunt about the John had acquired some plums, and might have courts of justice, and such a jargon of law words, that kept them, had it not been for his unhappy lawsuit. he concluded himself as able à lawyer as any that
Nic. Frog was a cunning sly rogue, quite the re- pleaded at the bar or sat on the bench: He was verse of John in many particulars ; covetous, frugal; overheard one day talking to himself after this minded domestic affairs; would pinch his belly to manner :- How capriciously does fate or chance dissave his pocket; never lost a farthing by careless ser-pose of mankind! How seldom is that business vants or bad debtors. He did not care much for any allotted to a man for which he is fitted by nature ! sort of diversions, except tricks of high German It is plain I was intended for a man of law: how did artists, and legerdemain; no man exceeded Nic. in my guardians mistake my genius in placing me, like these ; yet, it must be owned, that Nic. was a fair a mean slave, behind a counter ? Bless me! what dealer, and in that way acquired immense riches. immense estates these fellows raise by the law; be
Hocus was an old cunning attorney; and though sides, it is the profession of a gentleman. What a this was the first considerable suit that ever he was pleasure is it to be victorious in a cause, to swagger engaged in, he showed himself superior in address to at the bar. What a fool am I to drudge any more in most of his profession; he kept always good clerks ; this woollen tråde: for a lawyer I was born, and a he loved money, was smooth-tongued, gave good lawyer I will be: one is never too old to learn. All words, and seldom lost his temper; he was not worse this while John had conned over such a catalogue of tban an infidel, for he provided plentifully for his hard words, as were enough to conjure up the devil; family; but he loved himself better than them all: these he used to babble indifferently in all companies, the neighbours reported that he was henpecked, which especially at coffee-houses ; so that his neighbour was impossible by such a mild-spirited woman as his tradesmen began to shun his company as a man that wife was.
was cracked. Instead of the affairs at Blackwell-ball
and price of broad cloth, wool, and baizes, he talks of Chap. VI.-Of the various success of the Lawsuit.- nothing but actions upon the case, returns, capias, Law is a bottomless pit ; it is a cormorant, a harpy that alias capias, demurrers, venire facias, replevins, superdevours everything. John Bull was flattered by the sedeas's, certioraris, writs of error, actions of trover and lawyers, that his suit would not last above a year or conversion, trespasses, precipes and dedimus. This two at most ; that before that time he would be in was matter of jest to the learned in law; however, quiet possession of his business ; yet ten long years Hocus and the rest of the tribe encouraged John in his did Hocus steer his cause through all the meanders of fancy, assuring him that he had a great genius for the law, and all the courts. No skill, no address was law, that they questioned not but in time he might wanting; and, to say truth, John did not starve his raise money enough by it to reimburse him all his cause ; there wanted not yellow-boys to fee counsel, charges ; that, if he studied, he would undoubtedly hire witnesses, and bribe juries. 'Lord Strutt was arrive to the dignity of a lord chief justice. As for generally cast, never had one verdict in his favour; the advice of honest friends and neighbours, John deand John was promised that the next, and the next, spised it; he looked upon them as fellows of a low would be the final determination. But alas ! that final genius, poor grovelling mechanics. John reckoned it determination and happy conclusion was like an en- more honour to have got one favourable verdict, than chanted island ; the nearer John came to it, the further to have sold a bale of broad-cloth. As for Nic. Frog, 1 The Duchess of Marlborough was in reality a termagant.
to say the truth, he was more prudent; for, though * The war was carried on against France and Spain with It was insisted that the will in favour of Philip was congreat success, and a peace might have been concluded upon trary to treaty; and there was a parliamentary declaration for the principles of the alliance; but a partition of the Spanish continuing the war, till he should be dethroned. dominions in favour of the house of Austria, and an engage. ment that the same person should never be king of France and vagant and chimerical.
* The manners and sentiments of the nation became extra Spain, were not now thony-ht sufficient.
3 Hold the balance of power.