Toby, the kindest soul in all the town, But the first peal 'woke Isaac in a fright, At length, he, wisely, to himself doth say, calming his fears,- Shove jumped into the middle of the floor; And, trembling at each breath of air that stirred, He groped down stairs, and opened the street-door, While Toby was performing peal the third. Isaac eyed Toby, fearfully askant, And saw he was a strapper stout and tall, "Want nothing !-Sir, you've pulled my bell, I vow, * At mine!"-"Yes, your's; I hope I've done it well; " Common politeness makes me stop and do it." COLMAN. 5.-THE CHAMELEON. Orr has it been my lot to mark Whatever word you chance to drop, Two travellers of such a cast, " Hold there!" the other quick replies, "'Tis green-I saw it with these eyes, "As late with open mouth it lay, " And warmed it in the sunny ray; "Stretched at its ease the beast I viewed, "And saw it eat the air for food." "I've seen it, sir, as well as you, " And must again affirm it blue. "At leisure I the beast surveyed, "Extended in the cooling shade." "'Tis green, 'tis green, sir, I assure ye""Green!" cries the other in a fury"Why, sir, d'ye think I've lost my eyes?" "Twere no great loss," the friend replies; "For, if they always serve you thus, "You'll find 'em but of little use." So high at last the contest rose, From words they almost came to blows: When luckily came by a third To him the question they referred; And begged he'd tell 'em, if he knew, Whether the thing was green or blue. " Sirs," cries the umpire, " cease your pother "The creature's neither one nor t'other, "I caught the animal last night, "And viewed it o'er by candlelight : " I marked it well-'twas black as jet"You stare-but sirs, I've got it yet, " And can produce it."-" Pray, sir, do: "I'll lay my life the thing is blue." "And I'll be sworn, that when you've seen "The reptile, you'll pronounce him green." "Well then, at once to end the doubt," Replies the man, "I'll turn him out: "And when before your eyes I've set him, "If you don't find him black, I'll eat him." He said; then full before their sight Produced the beast, and lo!-'twas white. MERRICK. 6.-THE NEWCASTLE APOTHECARY A MAN in many a country town we know, Yet some affirm, no enemies they are; A member of the Esculapian line, Or mix a draught, or bleed, or blister; Or chatter scandal by your bed; Or spread a plaster. His fame full six miles round the country ran, All the old women called him " a fine man!"- Benjamin Bolus, though in trade, : Read works of fancy, it is said, And cultivated the Belles Lettres. And why should this be thought so odd ? Apollo patronizes physic. Bolus loved verse, and took so much delight in't, No opportunity he e'er let pass Of writing the directions on his labels, Apothecary's verse!-and where's the treason? He had a patient lying at death's door, Some three miles from the town, it might be four; And on the label of the stuff Are given by gentlemen who teach to dance; One loud, and then a little one behind, Out of their fingers. The servant let him in, with dismal face, Long as a courtier's out of place Portending some disaster; John's countenance as rueful looked, and grim, And not his master. "Well, how's the patient?" Bolus said. John shook his head. "Indeed?-hum!-ha!-that's very odd ; "He took the draught?"-John gave a nod ! "Well-how? - What then?-Speak out, you dunce!""Why then," says John, " we shook him once." "Shook him!-how?" Bolus stammered out: "We jolted him about." "Zounds!-shake a patient, man-a shake won't do." "No, sir-and so we gave him two." "Two shakes!-odds curse! "'Twould make the patient worse." "It did so, sir-and so a third we tried." Well, and what then?"-" Then, sir, my master-died." COLMAN |