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Like a playful child she boxed his ears
'Sweet old pet! - let's have some tea."
Charles Shirley Brooks

THE RECOGNITION

Home they brought her sailor son,
Grown a man across the sea,

Tall and broad and black of beard,
And hoarse of voice as man may be.

Hand to shake and mouth to kiss,
Both he offered ere he spoke;
But she said—"What man is this
Comes to play a sorry joke?"

Then they praised him — call'd him “smart,”
"Tightest lad that ever stept;"

But her son she did not know,

And she neither smiled nor wept.

Rose a nurse of ninety years,

Set a pigeon-pie in sight;

She saw him eat-""Tis he! 'tis he!"

She knew him- by his appetite!

William Sawyer

THE MASHER

It was in the Indian summer-time, when life is tender brown,

And people in the country talk of going into town,

When the nights are crisp and cooling, though the sun is

warm by day,

In the homelike town of Glasgow, in the State of Iowa;

It was in the railroad deepô of that greatly favored zone, That a young man met a stranger, who was still not all unknown,

For they had run-countered casual in riding in the car, And the latter to the previous had offered a cigar.

Now as the primal gentleman was nominated Gale,
It follows that the secondary man was Mr. Dale;
This is called poetic justice when arrangements fit in time,
And Fate allows the titles to accommodate in rhyme.

And a lovely sense of autumn seemed to warble in the air; Boys with baskets selling peaches were vibratin' everywhere, While in the mellow distance folks were gettin' in their corn,

And the biggest yellow punkins ever seen since you were born.

Now a gradual sensation emotioned this our Gale,
That he'd seldom seen so fine a man for cheek as Mr. Dale:
Yet simultaneous he felt that he was all the while
The biggest dude and cock-a-hoop within a hundred mile.

For the usual expression of his quite enormous eyes Was that of two ripe gooseberries who've been decreed a prize;

Like a goose apart from berries, too— though not removed from sauce

He conversed on lovely Woman as if he were all her boss.

Till, in fact, he stated plainly that, between his face and cash,

There was not a lady living whom he was not sure to mash; The wealthiest, the loveliest, of families sublime,

At just a single look from him must all give in in time.

Now when our Dale had got along so far upon the strain, They saw a Dream of Loveliness descending from the train,

A proud and queenly beauty of a transcendental face, With gloves unto her shoulders, and the most expensive lace.

All Baltimore and New Orleans seemed centred into one,
As if their stars of beauty had been fused into a sun;
But, oh! her frosty dignity expressed a kind of glow
Like sunshine when thermometers show thirty grades
below.

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But it flashed a gleam of shrewdness into the head of Gale,
And with aggravatin' humor he explained to Mr. Dale,
Since every girl's a cricket-ball and you're the only bat,
If you want to show you're champion, go in and mash on
that.

“I will bet a thousand dollars, and plank them on the rub,
That if you try it thither, you will catch a lofty snub.
I don't mean but what a lady may reply to what you say,
But I bet you cannot win her into wedding in a day."

A singular emotion enveloped Mr. Dale;

One would say he seemed confuseled, for his countenance was pale:

At first there came an angry look, and when that look did get,

He larft a wild and hollow larf, and said, "I take the bet.

"The brave deserve the lovely-every woman may be won; What men have fixed before us may by other men be done. You will lose your thousand dollars. For the first time in my life

I have gazed upon a woman whom I wish to make my wife."

Like a terrier at a rabbit, with his hat upon his eyes,

Mr. Dale, the awful masher, went head-longing at the prize,

Looking rather like a party simply bent to break the peace. Mr. Gale, with smiles, expected just a yell for the police.

Oh! what are women made of? Oh! what can women be?
From Eves to Jersey Lilies what bewildering sights we see!
One listened on the instant to all the Serpent said;
The other paid attention right away to Floral Ned.

With a blow as with a hammer the intruder broke the ice, And the proud and queenly beauty seemed to think it awful nice.

Mr. Gale, as he beheld it, with a trembling heart began
To realize he really was a most astonished man.

Shall I tell you how he wooed her? Shall I tell you how he won?

How they had a hasty wedding ere the evening was done? For when all things were considered, the fond couple thought it best

Such things are not uncommon in the wild and rapid West.

Dale obtained the thousand dollars, and then vanished with the dream.

Gale stayed in town with sorrow, like a spoon behind the

cream;

Till one morning in the paper he read, though not in rhymes,

How a certain blooming couple had been married fifty times!

How they wandered o'er the country; how the bridegroom used to bet

He would wed the girl that evening, how he always pulled the debt;

How his eyes were large and greensome; how, in fact, to end the tale,

Their very latest victim was a fine young man named Gale. Charles Godfrey Leland

CONSTANCY

"You gave me the key of your heart, my love;
Then why do you make me knock?"

"Oh, that was yesterday, Saints above!
And last night—I changed the lock!"

John Boyle O'Reilly

THE RETORT

Old Nick, who taught the village school,
Wedded a maid of homespun habit;
He was as stubborn as a mule;

She was as playful as a rabbit.

Poor Jane had scarce become a wife,
Before her husband sought to make her

The pink of country-polished life,
And prim and formal as a Quaker.

One day the tutor went abroad,

And simple Jenny sadly missed him;
When he returned, behind her lord

She slyly stole, and fondly kissed him!

The husband's anger rose! — and red

-

And white his face alternate grew!

"Less freedom, ma'am!" Jane sighed and said, "Oh, dear! I didn't know 'twas you!"

George Pope Morris

THE RECRUIT

Sez Corporal Madden to Private McFadden:

"Bedad, yer a bad 'un!
Now turn out yer toes!
Yer belt is unhookit,
Yer cap is on crookit,

Ye may not be dhrunk,

But, be jabers, ye look it!

Wan-two!

Wan-two!

Ye monkey-faced divil, I'll jolly ye through!

Wan-two!

Time! Mark!

Ye march like the aigle in Cintheral Parrk!"