though utterly in the dark, as to the true and living way to the throne of grace, I am persuaded, there were even then seasons, when I was enabled to rise above a mere form, and to offer petitions so far spiritual, as to be accepted and

answered.

I was now somewhat reformed in my outward conduct; but the renewing in the spirit of my mind, if begun was scarce discernable. As my life was, in my own judgment, less wicked, my heart grew more proud; the idol, self, was the object of my adoration and obeisance: my worldly advancement was more eagerly sought than ever; some flattering prospects seemed to open, and I resolved to improve my advantages to the uttermost. At the same time every thing tended to increase my good opinion of myself: 1 was treated with kindness and friendship by persons from whom I had no reason to expect it; my preaching was well received: my acquaintance seemed to be courted; my foolish heart verily believ ed, that all this, and much more, was due to my superior worth; whilst con

science, which before, by its mortifying accusations, was useful to preserve some sense of unworthiness in my mind, was now silenced or seemed to authorise that pride which before it checked. And because I had the disadvantage of conversing in general with such persons, as either favored my sentiments; or, out of good manners, or because they saw, it would be in vain, would not contradict me; I concluded that my scheme of doctrine was the exact standard of truth, and that by my superior abilities, I was capable of confuting or convincing all who were otherwise minded. In this view of the matter, I felt an eager desire of entering into a religious controversy, especially with a Calvinist.

It was at this time, that my correspondence with Mr. commenced. At the visitation, May 1775, we exchanged a few words in an argumentative way, in the room among the clergy, which I believe drew many eyes upon us. At the time he prudently declined the discourse, but a day or two after sent me a short note, and a little book

for my perusal. This was the very thing I wanted, and I gladly embraced. the opportunity, which according to my wishes, seemed now to offer. This I did, God knoweth, with no inconsiderable expectations, that my arguments would prove irresistibly convincing, and that I should have the honor of rescuing a well meaning person from his enthu siastical delusions.

Indeed, at this timel had conceved a very favorable opinion of, and sort of respect for him because I was acquainted with the character he sustained, even among some persons who expressed a disapprobation of his doctrines; they were forward to commend him as a benevolent, disinterested, and inoffensive person, and a laborious minister. On the other hand, I looked upon his religious senti. ments as rank fanaticism, and entertained a very contemptible opinion of his abilities, natural and acquired. Once I had the curiosity to hear him preach, and not understanding his sermon, I made a very great jest of it, where I could do it without giving offence. I had also read one of his publications;

but for the same reason, I thought the greater part of it to be whimsical, paradoxical, and unintelligible.

Concealing therefore, the true mo tives of my conduct under the offer of friendship, and a professed desire to know the truth, (which amidst all my self-sufficiency and prejudice, I trust the Lord had even then given me,) with the greatest affectation of candor and a mind open to conviction, I wrote him a long letter; purposing to draw from him such an avowal and explanation of his sentiments, as would introduce a controversial discussion of our religious differences.

The event, by no means answered my expectation: he returned me a very friendly and long answer tomy letter,in whichhe carefully avoided the mention of those doctrines which he knew would offend me he declared that he believed me to be one that feared God, and that was under the teaching of his Holy Spirit: that he gladly accepted my offer of friendship, and was no ways inclined to dictate me; but leaving me to the guidance of the Lord, would be glad as

occasion served, from time to time, to bear testimony to the truths of the gospel, and to communicate his sentiments unto me on any subject, with all the confidence of friendship.

In this manner our correspondence began, and was continued in the interchange of nine or ten letters, until De cember the same year. Throughout I held my purpose, and he, his: I made use of every endeavor to draw him into controversy, and filled my letters with definitions, inquiries, arguments, objec tions, and consequences, and required explicit answers: he, on the other hand, shunned every thing controversial, as much as possible, and filled his letters with the most useful, and least offensive instructions: except that now and then he dropped hints concerning the necessi ty, and the true nature and efficacy of faith, and the manner in which it was to be sought and obtained; and concerning some other matters, suited as he judged, to help me forward in my inquiry after truth. But they much offended my prejudices, afforded me matter of disputation, and at that time were of little use to me.