This however is certain, that through the whole of the correspondence, I disputed with every argument I could devise against almost every thing he advanced; was very much nettled at many things he asserted: I read great part of his letters, and some books he sent me with much indifference and contempt; construed his declining controversy into an acknowledgment of weakness; and triumphed in many companies, as having confuted his arguments. And at the last, when I could not obtain my end, at my instance, the correspondence was dropped.

His letters and my answers are now by me; and on a careful perusal of them, compared with all that I can recollect concerning this matter, I give this as a faithful account of this correspondence, though different from what has been represented. His letters will I hope shortly be made public, being such as promise greater usefulness to others, than, through my proud, contentious spirit, I experienced from them. Mine deserve only to be forgotten, except as

they are useful to me to remind me what I was, and to mortify my pride; as they illustrate my friend's patience and candor, in so long bearing with my ignorance and arrogance; and notwithstanding my unteachable quarrelsome temper, continuing his benevolent labors for my good and especially, as they remind me of the goodness of God, who, though he abominates, and resists the proud; yet knows how to bring down the stout heart, not only by the iron rod of his wrath, but by the golden sceptre of his grace.

In this manner our correspondence and acquaintance, for the present, were almost wholly broken off for a long time we seldom met, and then only interchanged few words on general topics of conversation. Yet all along he perseveringly told me, to my no small offence, that I should accede one day to his religiousprinciples; that he had stood on my ground, and that I should stand on his and he constantly informed his friends, that though slowly, I was surely feeling my way to the knowledge of the truth. So clearly could he discern

the dawnings of grace

in my

soul, a

midst all the darkness of depraved nature, and obstinate rebellion to the will of God,

This expectation was principally grounded on my conduct in the following circumstances. Immediately after the commencement of our correspondence, namely in May 1775, whilst my thoughts were much engrossed by some hopes of preferment, one Sunday, during the time of divine service, when the psalm was named, I opened the prayer book to turn to it but (accidentally shall I say, or providentially?) I opened upon the articles of religion; and the eighth, respecting the authority and warrant of the Athanasian creed immediately engaged my attention. My disbelief of the doctrine of a trinity of coequal persons in the unity of the Godhead, and my pretensions to candor, both combined to excite my hatred to this creed; for which reasons, I had been accustomed to speak of it with contempt, and to neglect reading it of ficially. No sooner therefore did I read the words," That it was to be thorough

ly received, and believed; for that it might be proved by most certain warrants of holy scripture ;" than my mind was greatly impressed and affected. The matter of subscription immediately occurred, and from that moment I conceived such scruples about it, that until my view of the whole system of gospel doctrine was entirely changed, they remained insuperable.

ઃઃ

'Tis wisely said by the son of Sirach, My son, if thou come to serve the Lord, prepare thy soul for temptation." I had twice before subscribed these articles with the same religious sentiments, I now entertained. But conscience being asleep, and the service of the Lord no part of my concern, I considered subscription as a matter of course, a necessa ry form, and very little troubled myself about it. But now, though full of pride, of ambition, and of the love of the world, my heart was sincerely towards the Lord, and I dared not to venture on a known sin deliberately, for the sake of temporal interest. Subscription to articles, which I did not believe paid as a price for church preferment, I

looked upon as an impious lie, a heinous guilt, that could never truly be repented of, without throwing back the wages of iniquity. The more I pondered it, the more strenuously my conscience protested against it. At length, after a violent conflict betwixt interest and conscience, I made known my scruples, and my determination not to subscribe: thus my views of preferment were deliberately giving up, and, with an increasing family, I was left, as far as mere human prudence could discern, with little other prospect, than that of poverty and distress. My scruple was, as I now see, a mistaken one; much self-sufficiency, undue warmth of temper, and obsti nacy, were betrayed in the management of this affair, for which I ought to be humbled. But my adherence to the dictates of my conscience, and holding fast my integrity in such trying circumstances, I never did, nor, I trust, ever shall repent of.

No sooner was my determination known, than I was much blamed by many of my friends. They all, I am sensible, did it out of kindness to me, but