are they doing? They can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's begun.

KNAVE. They're putting down their names for fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.

ALICE. Stupid things!

WHITE RABBIT. Silence in the court!
JURORS (write in chorus). Stupid things!

ONE JUROR. How do you spell stupid?

ALICE. A nice muddle their slates will be in before the trial's

over.

QUEEN. There's a pencil squeaking. Cut it down!

JURORS (in chorus as they write). Squeaking

KING (wears a crown over his wig; puts on his spectacles as he says). Herald, read the accusation!

WHITE RABBIT (blows three blasts on his trumpet, unrolls parchment scroll, and reads to music).

KING.

The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,

All on a summer day;

The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,

And took them quite away!

Consider your verdict!

WHITE RABBIT. Not yet, not yet; there's a great deal to come before that.

KING. Call the first witness.

WHITE RABBIT. First witness!

HATTER (comes in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread and butter in the other). I beg your pardon, your Majesty, for bringing these in, but I hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for.

KING. You ought to have finished; when did you begin? HATTER (looks at the March Hare, who follows him arm in arm with the Dormouse). Fourteenth of March, I think it

JURY. Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen-forty-five. Reduce that to

JURY. Stolen!

HATTER. hatter.

I keep them to sell. I've none of my own. I'm a

QUEEN OF HEARTS (puts on her spectacles and stares at Hatter, who fidgets uncomfortably).

KING.

Give your evidence and don't be nervous, or I'll have you executed on the spot.

[The Hatter continues to shift nervously from one foot to the other, looks uneasily at the Queen, trembles so that he shakes off both of his shoes, and in his confusion bites a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread and butter.

HATTER. I'm a poor man, your Majesty, and I hadn't but

just begun my tea- not above a week or so and what with the bread and butter getting so thin- and the twinkling of the tea

KING. The twinkling of what?

HATTER. It began with the tea.

KING.

Of course twinkling begins with a T. Do you take me

for a dunce? Go on!

HATTER. I'm a poor man and most things twinkled after that

-only the March Hare said

MARCH HARE. I didn't!

HATTER. You did.

MARCH HARE. I deny it.

KING. He denies it; leave out that part.

QUEEN.

But what did the Dormouse say?

HATTER. That I can't remember.

KING. You must remember or I'll have you executed. HATTER (drops teacup and bread and butter and goes down on one knee). I'm a poor man, your Majesty.

KING. If that's all you know about it you may stand down. HATTER. I can't go no lower; I'm on the floor as it is.

KING. Then you may sit down.

HATTER. I'd rather finish my tea.

KING. You may go.

[The Hatter goes out hurriedly, leaving one of his shoes behind. QUEEN (nonchalantly to an Officer). And just take his head off outside.

[But the Hatter is out of sight before the Officer can get to the door.

KING.

Call the next witness!

WHITE RABBIT. Next witness!

[The Duchess enters with a pepper-pot, which she shakes about. Everybody begins to sneeze. March Hare sneezes and rushes out. Give your evidence!

KING.

DUCHESS. Sha'n't!

WHITE RABBIT. Your Majesty must cross-examine this witness. KING. Well, if I must, I must. What does your cook say tarts are made of?

DUCHESS. Pepper.

[The Duchess shakes the pot and the court sneezes. DORMOUSE. Treacle!

[The Duchess shakes the pot at him. He sneezes for the first time. QUEEN. Collar the Dormouse! Behead the Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his whiskers!

[The whole court is in confusion, turning the Dormouse out, and, while it is settling down again, the Duchess disappears. WHITE RABBIT. The Duchess!

KING. Never mind! (In a low tone to the Queen) Really, my dear, you must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead ache! Call the next witness!

WHITE RABBIT (fumbles with the parchment,

shrill little voice). Alice!

ALICE. Here!

KING. What do you know about this business?

ALICE. Nothing whatever.

KING (to the Jury). That's very important.

then cries in a

WHITE RABBIT. Unimportant, your Majesty means, of course. KING. Unimportant, of course I meant. Important-unimportant unimportant - important. Consider your verdict!

[Some of the Jury write "important" and some write "unimportant."

WHITE RABBIT.

There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty; this paper has just been picked up. QUEEN. What's in it?

WHITE RABBIT (fumbles with a huge envelope). I haven't opened

it yet, but it seems to be a letter, written by the prisoner toto somebody.

KING. It must have been that, unless it was written to nobody, which isn't usual, you know.

ALICE. Who is it directed to?

WHITE RABBIT. It isn't directed at all; in fact, there's nothing written on the outside. (Takes out a tiny piece of paper) It isn't a letter at all; it's a set of verses.

QUEEN. Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?

[The Jury brightens up.

WHITE RABBIT (Looks at the Knave's hand. Knave hides his hand; the chains rattle). No, they're not, and that's the queerest thing about it.

[The Jury looks puzzled.

KING. He must have imitated somebody else's hand!

KNAVE. Please, your Majesty, I didn't write it and they can't prove I did; there's no name signed at the end.

KING. If you didn't sign it that only makes the matter worse. You must have meant some mischief, or else you'd have signed your name like an honest man.

[At this there is a general clapping of hands.

ALICE. It proves nothing of the sort! Why, you don't even know what they're about.

KING. Read them!

WHITE RABBIT (puts on his monocle). Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?

KING. Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the

end, then stop.

WHITE RABBIT.

"They told me you had been to her,

And mentioned me to him;

She gave me a good character,

But said I could not swim.

"I

gave her one, they gave

him two,

KING.

You gave us three or more;
They all returned from him to you,
Though they were mine before.

"My notion was that you had been
(Before she had this fit)

An obstacle that came between
Him, and ourselves, and it.

"Don't let him know she liked him best,

For this must ever be

A secret, kept from all the rest,

Between yourself and me."

That's the most important piece of evidence we've

heard yet; so now let the jury

ALICE. If anyone of them can explain it, I'll give him sixpence. I don't believe there's an atom of meaning in it. JURY. She doesn't believe there's an atom of meaning in it. KING. If there's no meaning in it, that saves a world of trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And yet I don't know. (Spreads out the verses on his knee and studies them) I seem to see some meaning after all. "Said I could not swim." You can't swim, can you?

KNAVE (shakes his head sadly and points to his suit). Do I look like it?

KING. All right, so far; "We know it to be true," that's the jury, of course; "I gave her one, they gave him two why, that must be what he did with the tarts, you know