to send it for us again later, to bring us home. When we got to the hotel we asked for Major Bowles's rooms, but were told that he didn't live in the hotel, but in a house belonging to it just round the corner. Well. we went there, got out, and told the native servant to announce us. As we went up stairs we heard music playing, but it was a tune that I had never heard anything like before, and I couldn't make out what instruments they could be. I could hear a great deal of laughing and talking too, and something like singing. When the door was opened there was such a cloud of smoke that it nearly choked me, and I could hardly see across the room. Ah, what a sight it was! I shall never forget it as long as I live; I thought I should have dropped. There were about ten or twelve gentlemen within, in their shirt sleeves, all smoking, drinking, talking, and using, oh! such dreadful language. At the other end of the room there were two or three natives, one beating a sort of drum with his fingers, and the others playing on a kind of guitar. Four or five native girls, covered with jewelry, and dressed in very bright clothes, were moving and gliding round and round, and backwards and forwards, screaming away something which sounded like tazar be tazar, now bunow, which they kept on saying over and over again. There was such a noise at first that nobody saw us, and both aunt and I were too much frightened to move. At last Major Bowles caught sight of us, and in a minute every thing was as still as death. Aunt, immediately that there was anybody to look at her, tumbled on to a sofa, and pretended to faint. There was such a scuffling for coats and waistcoats. Major Bowles got hold of a glass of water and wanted to throw some over aunt, which put her in a fright for fear her dress should be spoilt, so she recovered directly and asked for some wine and water. There wasn't any; but Broughton guessed her taste, and brought her a glass of brandy and water, which she drank off without remarking the difference. When she got a little better, or rather thought she had fainted long enough, she began to attack poor, silly Bowles about what she called his impertinent, abominable, ungentleman-like behaviour; for any part I was more inclined to laugh than to be angry. She declared she would write to the Commander-in-Chief and get him, Bowles, not the Commander-in-Chief, turned out of the service. He tried hard to stop her and defend himself, but she wouldn't listen to him for a moment, and he looked such a stupid old thing, and the gentlemen seemed so amused, that I could not keep my countenance. At last aunt got out of breath, so I took it up and said, in a reproachful, sentimental sort of voice, "Oh! Major Bowles, how could you insult me so much?" The poor creature looked as if he could have jumped out of the window when I said this, but thinking probably that nobody would prevent him if he tried, he began to explain the whole thing. He said that he was sure there must have been some mistake, that he had never asked us to come, that he would never have dreamt of such a thing. Aunt snapped at him with, "How can you say so, Major Bowles, when I have got your own letter inviting us, and here it is. I brought it with me in case I should forget the direction."

Bowles asked to look at it, and as soon as he saw it said, "Oh! now I understand the whole thing, I am so sorry, what a fool I am, turning very red; I did write to you about something else, but I see I must have sent the letter intended for you to another person, and put his into the envelope directed to you." "That explains then," said Broughton, "the very extraordinary note I got this evening, which I have brought in my pocket, and which I have not yet had an opportunity of asking you about. It was so tender in its language that I couldn't believe it was meant for me, and now I understand it all." Bowles got very red, and tried to get hold of the letter, but Broughton wouldn't give it him, coolly remarking, "That's a bad habit of yours, Bowles, not putting a beginning to your letters, for, of course, if I had seen 'lovely being-." "I am sure I never said that," said Bowles. "Don't interrupt me, Bowles; I say if I had seen 'lovely being' at the top of it, not even my vanity would have led me to suppose it was intended for me." That's all a story you know; "lovely being" wasn't in the letter at all; it was only Broughton's nonsense. The other gentlemen all appeared very inquisitive, and I began to get angry, and gave an appealing glance in the hope of stopping it, but he would not look in my direction, and taking it out of his pocket began to read :-

"I am so afraid I have offended you in some way, you have been so very cold to me lately. I am sure I cannot guess what I have done. If you only knew how unhappy you can make me when you choose, and how I live for the rest of the day on a smile, you would not, I am certain, be so cruel. I hope you are not so angry with me as to refuse to come out for a ride with me to-morrow morning. A great friend of mine has lent me two horses, one of which carries a lady beautifully. If you will allow me I will send him for you at six to-morrow morning. Please don't say no, or I shall fancy I have done something to offend you.--Believe me ever yours most sincerely, R. BOWLES."

"Upon my word, Bowles," said Broughton, "I had no idea you could write such an eloquent letter, and if Miss Aylmer can resist so touching an appeal she must be hard-hearted indeed." Bowles didn't seem to know whether to swear, cry, or kick, and looked so delightfully ridiculous that, angry as I was, I could almost forgive Broughton for his impertinence. After standing with a face so red, and a look so indignant, that he seemed like an irritated turkey cock or a lobster, rampant, he said, "I don't intend to let your impertinence pass without notice, sir. We'll talk about this to-morrow," and he strutted out of the room, Broughton calling after him, "Don't excite yourself, Bowles; no well-bred man ever does that, and, besides, it is apt to produce apoplexy in this country.' As soon as he was gone, Broughton turned round to aunt and myself, and said, "I am very sorry if you are angry with me, but I really couldn't resist teasing Bowles, he does look so absurd when he is cross. I am sure I beg your pardon, so I hope you'll forgive me." Aunt, who never can see any fun in anything, was dreadfully high and mighty, and said his behaviour had

been most ungentleman-like, and she would never speak to him again, but I knew that the only thing to prevent our appearing more ridiculous than we were already was to pretend to join in the joke. I said, "Well, Mr. Broughton, I don't think it was very kind of you, but really you have amused me so much that, for my part, I quite forgive you." He then got us some palkees to take us back in, and we got in before Mrs. Hamilton had returned, so I contrived to get hold of the note we had written to her, and tore it up. The next morning I thought the best thing I could do to prevent our being laughed at was to tell Mrs. Hamilton myself about the story, as she was sure to hear it from somebody; so I waited till aunt had gone to her room, and told her the whole of it, making Bowles and aunt as ridiculous as possible, and pretending myself to think it capital fun. How she did laugh. We enjoyed ourselves very much during the rest of the time we were at Madras, but poor Bowles never ventured to show himself, and, I hear, wanted to call out Broughton, who told him he would be very happy to fight him, if he did not consider duelling a most wicked proceeding, and that he had promised his mamma he never would. This, of course, made Bowles more angry than ever, but he only laughed at him, and told him that he was aware that he had great difficulty in preventing himself from acting like a fool, but that for the sake of his friends he should really try and overcome his natural tendency that way. I must shut up my journal now, for I have ever so many things to do in getting my things ready for landing.

CHAPTER VII.

A LETTER FROM UNCLE AYLMER-COLONEL MONTMORENCY JONES, HIS ORIGIN, HISTORY, AND PECULIARITIES—A THEOLOGICAL DISCUSSION IN WHICH MAWWORM IS DISCOMFITTED BY A BABOO — DISAPPOINTMENT OF EMILY AT THE TAME NATURE OF THE PASSAGE UP THE HOOGHLY-PREPARATIONS BOTH OF DRESS AND BEHAVIOUR FOR LANDING-ARRIVAL AT CALCUTTATHE WRONG MAN EMBRACED BY AN EAGERLY EXPECTING WIFE-CHURCH AND CHARITY IN THE EAST-BILLS AT SIGHT GIVEN TO THE POORANIMUM MUTAT COELUM.

DUM DUM, October 27th, 18

I AM in despair about the quantity I have to write of all I have done and seen since my arrival; indeed, there is such a lot to put down, that it will probably end by my writing next to nothing. On the 21st we arrived at the mouth of the Hooghly, and soon after a native boat brought some letters for us. Among them was one from Uncle Aylmer, saying that some important official business would prevent him from coming to meet us at Calcutta, as he had hoped, but that he had written to Colonel Montmorency Jones, commanding the artillery at Dum Dum,

to put us up till he could get away from his work, and take us up. Uncle said that we should be very comfortable there, for though Colonel Montmorency Jones was an old bachelor, yet that he lived in the greatest comfort, with everything very nice in his house, and that he liked nothing better than to entertain ladies. He added that the Colonel was a most estimable man, drawing very good pay, and that if we only bore one thing in mind, we should get on very well, "Never under any circumstances omit the Montmorency in speaking to him. He declares that his real name is Montmorency, and that his father only took the name of Jones for a fortune. However, no one either heard of the fortune, or of any Montmorency relations." At the same time as uncle's letter, we also got one from the Colonel on very thick paper in an envelope, on the seal of which was engraved a turtle, with the motto, "lente mais sure," and at the top of the paper inside, the same was repeated. I have heard since that the grandfather of this Montmorency Jones was an alderman of the name of Jones, who in his old age spent nearly the whole of a very large fortune in eating, drinking, and luxury of every sort, leaving his son nearly unprovided for. They add, that this grandpapa Jones, par ex simple Jones, as they call him, being of a waggish disposition, assumed the turtle as his crest, with the motto, "vive le gras vertu." The present Jones, or "qualified Jones," as he has been christened, altered it into something more heraldic. Well, to return to my subject: Colonel Montmorency Jones wrote aunt a very charming letter, saying how enchanted he should be to see us as long as we would honour his humble abode, that he would endeavour to make our sojourn pleasant, and would do himself the honour of waiting on us as soon as the ship arrived in Calcutta. At the same time with the letters, a native clerk of the owners of the vessel came on board, on some business with the Captain. They call him a Baboo; I thought at first they said baboon, and was quite sorry for the poor man when I heard one of the officers, who had been in India before, call him, as I thought, by that name. I said, "How can you." "What have I done, Miss Aylmer?" was the reply; "You know well enough, and its very wrong in you to call him that to his face, he can't help looking rather like a monkey, poor man, and it is very unkind of you." I thought he never would have stopped laughing, and I was very cross till he explained my mistake. The Baboo spoke English beautifully; he seemed a very clever man too, and so nice mannered. The Missionary thought it was a famous opportunity for showing off his eloquence and piety, but he soon found the Baboo was a much better hand at theology than himself; so not being able to answer some of the questions the latter asked him, pretended he must go and pack up. was rather good fun going up the river, but I was dreadfully disappointed at not seeing any tigers on the banks, as the Captain had told me the place was full of them. I only saw one dead body floating down, and I used to read at school that there were such lots of them. Everybody on board was in such a state of bustle getting their things ready, and picking

out becoming dresses to land in. The Missionary seemed to think it necessary to put an extra allowance of starch both on his neckcloth and face. Mrs. Leslie appeared, for a wonder, in clean petticoats, and Bowles made his moustaches so stiff that one was afraid to come near him. Broughton told him he supposed he did it for the same reason that people put broken glass on the top of their walls, namely, to keep off trespassers, and that he was afraid of being kissed by the ladies, whether he liked it or not. It was astonishing how anxious all of a sudden the married ladies became to see their husbands, and yet they had appeared tolerably cheerful all the voyage without them; but, then, every one acknowledges that we women have wonderful command over our feelings, so I will only remark that it is not difficult to prevent people from seeing what does not exist. The ladies got so prudish and reserved in their manners to their flirts; it's quite amusing, I declare. Poor young Thompson, who is one of the cadets on board, and very spoony, was in great distress; he has been flirting all the voyage with a Mrs. Rice, who only last night allowed him to kiss her. Broughton caught them in the saloon, and to-day she is so reserved and ceremonious with him. Poor silly boy, he came and consulted me about it just now, saying he was afraid he had affronted her, but did not know in what way. "She used always to be so kind to me, and call me Ernest, and let me call her Fanny, and to-day it is 'Mr. Thompson;' and when I called her Fanny just now, she drew herself up, and said, 'My name is Mrs. Rice;' she is so cold too. I am sure I am very sorry if I have affronted her, but I don't know what I have done." Little goose, he does not know that she has only got her pilot manners Well, when we arrived at Calcutta, we were immediately visited by a crowd of boats full of anxious husbands, straining their eyes to catch a glimpse of their loving spouses; and all the wives, as if by common consent, began to wave, sometimes rather dirty pocket handkerchiefs to every boat that approached, screaming out to any one who happened to be next them, "That's Robert, or Arthur, etc., I'm sure it is; it must be him," and then alternating tears, with wavings of the aforesaid handkerchief, till a near approach showed the affectionate one that it was not the unfortunate victim whom the parson had given her a legal right to worry and make a fool of. There was one capital scene. Fat old Mrs. Winslow spyed her smaller and worser half in a boat with another person, one of the firm to whom the ship belongs, and a very prim, pompous, little man indeed, coming alongside; so she bustled and scuffled down from the poop to the gangway to be ready to embrace her husband. Just as she got there, a gentleman stepped off the ladder, and Mrs. Winslow, who is rather blind, threw herself on his neck, and commenced kissing him loudly, knocking his hat into the water, and nearly sending him after it, before she found out her husband had come up the ladder second, and that it was the other person on whom she had been wasting her conjugal endearments. Dear, how cross and discomposed the poor, little old man was, and how her husband did laugh! She was terribly put out at having made such a

on.