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"Go to! Homo is a common name to all men."

I KING HENRY IV., act II. fc. I.

IS a tedious chronicle recording the follies of great people. Let the hiftories of hereafter

times cog and glofe it as they will, these

annals shall speak the truth.

Now her Highness had strictly enjoined all the Maids of Honour to keep a virgin state as much as might be. 'Twas a royal edict after the antique vein. King Canute, with his crown and fceptre, he fitting in an eafy-chair, the fycophant courtiers behind, the unaccommodating fea in front, was more modeft than her Grace. The heathen Dane paid a pretty compliment to the elements; but her most facred Majefty, Elizabeth, the defender of our faith and fo forth, would fain run a tilt against Nature. Confider the favoury

Feafting and Dancing.

27

pafties, the spiced meats, the hot confections, the fubtleties, the custards, the fweet wines, the foft fack poffets, the comforting warm ales, the fugared toafts, the caudled gruels, the cordial waters! Then the roufing breakfasts, the stand to't o' the forenoon, the orderly dinner, the jovial banquet, the cofy fupper, the bye-drinkings and tit-bits, faucy flops, bitings, knippings, fuckings, taftings, and only just tryings! Life was a feast, no more—a perpetual rouse of fat things on the leas! Why, when the Court lay at Richmond, 'twas a Shrovetide upon cheesecakes,' that too followed religiously by a Lent on the crisp white fry of Greenwich; buck venifon in Windfor; Nonfuch for the partridge and hares. If Jefhurun waxed fat on leeks and onions, garlick and cucumbers, verily the young ladies of her Grace's household got frolicksome—ay, and kicked on their flesh-pots too. 'Twas an everlasting

holiday time for a pugging tooth!

You should have feen the dancings they kept, not to speak of your meafurely cinque pace, your folemn brawl, your galliard and coranto. Here was a Hay with a vengeance would shake you but to fee! Such kiffing and buffing, fmouching and flabbering, uncleanly handling

(Stubbes faith), disordinate gestures, and monftrous thumping o' the feet! Again, fuch strange fantastic steps and falvage style for your Canaries, clicking and rattling o' castagnets! "I' faith," quod Richard, "the Canaries they drink defcendeth to their feet; all I get mounteth me to the brain! How is't, I know not!"

Then the rompings, the ticklings, the spankings, they carried on i' the Summer nights; the ladies playing with their bolsters; old Knollys up in his bed-gown to filence them with his small store of book learning; her disturbed Grace flapping their palpable parts with a smart faying or two, to the purpose ye may warrant! The Captain o' the Guard, or who elfe in fault, 'twas not he. Maids of honour, they fay, be fair game for lords in waiting, a naughty saying; yet if there be snuffs and packings 'mongst the courtiers, why not coaxings and toyings atween the household? Balance the matter with fome human element, pray; let not the devil have it all his own way. 'Tis all practice. Her Highness while agone failed to make her statesmen friends; fhe fhall have as little fuccefs i' the handling her women, now she hath fet them in a motion.

The Lady Mary, niece of that warped flip o' Wilderness,

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Harry Howard, was a pretty girl. One day, failing to bear her Highness's mantle and other furniture feemly, and on the instant order, the Queen waited for the maid. Again, the Lady Mary was not i' the Chapel: no, nor at board; neither i' the Hall, when she should have carried the cup o' grace into the Privy Chamber.

Her Majesty rebuked the Lady Mary. The maid gave an unhandsome taunt, as chidden ones will, even to royal ladies. She was a more tender morfel, forfooth, than fome fhe wot on! The Queen's choler, look you, was not appeased when evidence came that the Lady Mary had received much favour and fome marks of love from the Earl of Effex, whofe company she was fond to entertain, attiring her perfon prettily fo as to win his regard. For, befide the mischief of the act, here was an indignity put on one whom my Lord fhould have been more careful to please.

For a touch o' the Queen's humour.

Her Grace, being advertised how matters stood between the Earl and my Lady Mary, sendeth privily for a certain gown, one the poor girl had painfully devised to 'tice and captivate my Lord's fancy. It was very fine; made orderly

and well, fnip and nip and cut, and slish and slash, according to the fashion and the time; more quaint, pleafing, and commendable could not be seen. A loofe-bodied gown, with a small compassed cape, trunk fleeves; what more could you with? Of Lyons velvet, a mixed colour, rare and rich to the beholding, bordered with a changeable taffeta too, powdered with gold and feed-pearl, faced and braved after the testified note. Was't not a gown to speak of? There were more than my Lady Mary thought they could win any Earl's favour in that drefs, fo envious was it. And how modest they who hold they cannot charm without fuch poor adornment! This gown her Grace now putteth on, look you. But my Lady being but short befide her Majefty, those wonderful filk stockings Master Doctor Lee had given her Grace now were displayed more than our fashions could fuffer, or the old fwelling i' the royal leg advantaged.

"Go to!" quoth her Grace," doth it not fadge?"

"Ah!" faith one o' the women, amazed.

"Hum!" faith another, musingly.

"Beeaautiful!" apostrophised a third.

"Gorgis!" exclaimed a fourth without a sense to it.

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