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HOR. Sat. iii. 1. 1. ver. 18.
VIRG. Æn... TT.
The coffee-houses have ever since been my chief greater height, that, on the contrary, it dry to places of resort, where I have made the greatest the chief tendency of my papers to iniz y improvements; in order to which I have taken a countrymen witi a mutual good-will and bases particular care never to be of the same of opinion lence. Whatever faults either party may be peace with the man I conversed with. I was a tory at of, they are rather inflamed than cured be Button's, and a whig at Child's, a friend to the reproaches which they cast upon one another, it
Tada Englishman, or an advocate for the Examiner, as it most likely method of rectifying any maes can best served my turn : some fancy me a great ene- duct is, by recommending to him the pricepine weiland my to the French king, though in reality I only truth and honour, religion and virtue; and solar past, Ve make use of him for a help to discourse. In short, as he acts with an eye in these principles and return I wrangle and dispute for exercise; and have car- ever party be is of, he cannot fail of being a faktove ried this point so far, that I was once like to have Englishnan, and a lover of his country. been run through the body for making a little too As for the persons concerned in this work, to free with my betters.
names of all of them, or at least of such as same at In a word, I am quite another man to what I it, shall be published hereafter; till which leads
must intreat the curious reader to suspend his contact Nil fuit unyuam
sity, and rather to consider what is writies ca Tam dispar sibi
who they are that write it.
Having thus adjusted all necessary preliminarned Nothing was ever so unlike itself.'
with my reader, I shall not trouble biu with my My old acquaintance scarce know me; nay, I
inore prefatory discourses, but procred in my base i was asked the other day by a Jew at Jonathan's, method, and entertain him with speculatia caziowhether I was not related to a dumb gentleman, every useful subject that falls in my way. who used to come to that coffee-house? But I think I never was better pleased in my life than about a week ago, when, as I was battling it across the table with a young Templar, his companion gave him a pall by the sleeve, begging him N° 557. MONDAY, JUNE 21, 1714. to come away, for that the old prig would talk bim to death. Being now a very good proficient in discourse,
Quippe domum timet ambiguam, Tyriosque diligen I shall appear in the world with this addition to
up my character, that my countrymen may reap the He fears th'ambiguous race, and Tyrians doublecer fruits of my new-acquired loquacity.
Those who have been present at public disputes THERE is nothing,' says Platoso delightfi' a in the university, know that it is usual to maintain the hearing or the speaking of truth.' For this heresies for argument-sake. I have heard a man a reason there is no conversation so agreeable as a most impudent Socinian for half an hour, who has of the man of integrity, who hears without any to been an orthodox divine all his life after, I have tention to betray, and speaks without any istest sa taken the same method to accomplish myself in to deceive. the gift of utterance, having talked above a twelve- Among all the accounts which are given ol Cas month, not so much for the benefit of my bearers, I do not remember one that more redounds to as of myself. But, since I have now gained the honour than the following passage related by Pro faculty i have been so long endeavouring after, Itarch. As an advocate was pleading the case di intend to make a right use of it, and shall think his client before one of the prætors, he could as myself obliged for the future to speak always in produce a single witness in a point where the lit truth and sincerity of heart. While a man is learn. required the testimony of two persons : upon ata ing to fence, he practises both on friend and foe; the advocate insisted on the integrity of that per: but when he is a master in the art, he never exerts son whom he had produced; but the pritur told it but on what he thinks the right side.
him, that where the law required two witnesse le That this last allusion may not give my reader would not accept of one, though it were Cato le a wrong idea of my design in this paper, I must self. Such a speech from a person who sat at the here inform him, that the author of it is of no fac- head of a court of justice while Cato was dili tion; that he is a friend to no interests but those living, shows us, more than a thousand enampion of truth and virtue ; nor a foe to any but those of the high reputation this great man had cared vice and folly. Though make more noise in the among his contemporaries upon the accoust of wa world than I used to do, I am still resolved to act sincerity. in it as an indifferent Spectator. It is not my am- When such an inflexible integrity is a lick bition to increase the number either of whigs or softened and qualified by the rules of conversation tories, but of wise and good men; and I could and good-breeding, there is not a mere skal heartily wish there were not faults common to both virtue in the whole catalogue of social dotis, parties, which afford
me suficient matter to work man however ought to take great case bot to pube upon, without descending to those wbich are pe. himself out of his veracity, nor to rebiae bis de culiar to either.
viour to the prejudice of his virtue. If in a multitude of counsellors there is safety, This subject is exquisitely treated in the most we ought to think ourselves the securest nation in elegant sermon of the great British preacher! the world. Most of our garrets are inhabited by shall beg leave to transcribe out of it two or Punt statesmen, who watch over the liberties of their sentences, as a proper introduction to a form country, and make a shift to keep themselves from rious letter, which shall make the couci esker starving, by taking into their care the properties tainment of this speculation. of their fellow-subjects.
' The old English plainness and siecerity, than As these politicians of both sides have already generous integrity of nature, and hocesty of te worked the nation into a most unnatural ferment, I shall be so far from endeavouring to raise it to a • Archbishop Totsod, fullo edit rol. L 301
any of thosition, which always argues true greatness of , accident upon my toe. They call this kind of lie ' ? Fiind, and is usually accompanied with undaunted a compliment; for, when they are civil to a great Tags igurage and resolution, is in a great measure lost man, they tell him untruths, for which thou wouldest mong us.
order any of thy officers of state to receive a hunte de The dialect of conversation is now-a-days so dred blows upon his foot. I do not know how I
de welled with vanity and compliment, and so sur shall negociate any thing with this people, since uredited (as I may say) of expressions of kindness and there is so little credit to be given to them. When
aspect, that if a man that lived an age or two ago I go to see the king's scribe, I am generally told 310 mould return into the world again, he would really that he is not at home, though perhaps I saw him of, de camirant a dictionary to help him to understand his go into his house almost the very moment before. a la taswn language, and to know the true intrinsic value Thou wouldest fancy that the whole nation are Ten una f the phrase in fashion; and would hardly at first physicians, for the first question they always ask
1853 elieve at what a low rate the highest strains and me is, how I do: I have this question put to me de xpressions of kindness imaginable do commonly above a hundred times a day. Nay, they are not
mass in current payment; and when he should come only thus inquisitive after my health, but wish it 19 420) oderstand it, it would be a great while before in a more solemn manner, with a full glass in their Joel e could bring himself with a good countenance, bands, every time I sit with them at table, though exend a good conscience, to converse with men upou at the same time they would persuade me to drink 12. qual terms and in their own way.'
their liquors in such quantities as I have found by I have by me a letter which I look upon as a experience will make me sick. They often prenga treat curiosity, and which may serve as an exem- tend to pray for thy health also in the same manex tub dification to the foregoing passage, cited out of ner; but I have more reason to expect it from the
his most excellent prelate. It is said to have goodness of thy constitution than the sincerity of een written in King Charles the Second's reign their wishes. May thy slave escape in safety from ly the ambassador of Bantam, a little after his this double-tongued race of men, and live to lay rrival in England *.
himself once more at thy feet in the royal city of Baptam!
ADDISON. The people, where I now am, have tongues furher from their hearts than froin London to Banam, and thou knowest the inhabitants of one of N° 558. WEDNESDAY, JUNE 23, 1714, hese places do not know what is done in the other. colul'hey call thee and thy subjects barbarians, because
Qui fil, Mecenas, ut nemo, quam sibi sorlem ve speak what we mean; and account themselves Seu ratio dederit, scu Jor's objecerit, illu i civilized people, because they speak one thing
Contentus vitat: laudet dirers scquentes?
O fortunati mercatores, gravis annis td mean another: truth they call barbarity, and
Miles ait, multo jam fructus membra Inbore ! falsehood politeness. · Upon my first landing, one, Contra mercator, narim jactantibus austris, 93,19 who was sent from the king of this place to meet Militia est potior. Quid enim ! concurritur: hora
Momento cita mors ronit, aut victoria lila. ne, told me, that he was extremely sorry for the
Agricolam laudat juris legu myue peritus, itorm I had met with just before my arrival. I was
Sub galli cantum consultor ubi ostia pulsat. 20 roubled to hear him grieve and afflict himself Ille, dalis vadibus, qui rure extractus in urbem est,
sapon my account; but in less than a quarter of an Solos felices riteites clamat in urbe. hour he smiled, and was as merry as if nothing
Ccleru de genere hoc (adco sunt multa) loquacem
Delassare ralent Fabium. Ne le morer, audi had happened. Another who came with him told
Quo rein deducam. Si quis Deus, en ego, dicat, ne by my interpreter, he should be glad to do me Jam faciam quod vultis: cris tu,qui modo, miles, any service that lay in his power. Upon which I
Mercator : tu consullus modo, rusticus. Hinc dos,
Vos hinc mutatis discedile partibus. Eja, desired him to carry one of my portmanteaus for
Quid statis? Nolint. Atqui licct esse bcatis. me; but, instead of serving me according to his
HOR. Sat i. l. i. ver. 1. promise, he laughed, and bid anotber do it. I
Whence is't, Mæcenas, that so few approve lodged the first week at the house of one who de. The state they're plac'd in, and incline to rove; sired me to think myself at home, and to consider
Whether against their will by fate inipos'd,
Or by consent and prudent choice espous'? his honse as my own. Accordingly, I the next
Happy the merchant! the old soldier cries, morning began to knock down one of the walls of Broke with fatigues and warlike enterprise. it, in order to let in the fresh air, and had packed The merchant, when the dreaded hurricane
Tosses his wealthy cargo on the main, up some of the household goods, of which I in
Applauds the wars and toils of a campaign : tended to have made thee a present; but the false There an engagement soon decides your doom, varlet no sooner saw me failing to work, but he Bravely to die, or come victorious home. sent word to desire me to give over, for that he
The lawyer vows the farmer's life is best,
When at the dawn the clients break his rest. would have no such doings in his house. I had not The farmer, having put in bail t'appear, been long in this nation before I was told by one, And forc'd to town, cries, they are nappiest there : for whom I bad asked a certain favour from the
With thousands inore of this inconstant race,
Would tire ev'n Fabius to relate each case. chief of the king's servants, whom they here call
Not to detain you longer, pray atitad is the lord-treasurer, that I had eternally obliged The issue of all this; should love descend
him. I was so surprised at his gratitude, that I And grant to every man his rasi demand, could not forbear saying, “ What service is there
To run his lengths with a nesli ctful hand?
First, grant the harass'd warrior a release, which one man can do for another, that can oblige Bid him go trade, and try the faiti less seas, him to all eternity?" However, I only asked him, To purchase treasure and declining ease: for my reward, that he would lend me bis eldest Next, call the plader from his learned trife,
To the calm blessings of a country lift: danghter during my stay in this country ; but I
And, with these separate demands ismiss quickly found ibat he was as treacherous as the Each suppliant to enjoy the promis'd bliss:
Don't you believe ihtyu run? N. t one will move, " At my first going to court, one of the great
Tho' proffer'd to be happy froin above.
HORNECK. men almost put me out of countenance, by asking ten thousand pardons of me for only treading by It is a celebrated thought of Socrates, that if all .
the misfortunes of mankind were cast into a pube In 1682
rest of his countrymen.
lic stock, in order to be equally distributed among | ing concluded within myself, that every one rest
I took notice in particular of a very pratice
his modesty instead of his ignorance. As I was ruminating on these two remarks, and When the whole race of mankind bad this a seated 'in my elbow-chair, I insensibly fell asleep; their burdens, the phantom which had been so berriewhen on a sudden methought there was a procla- on this occasion, seeing me an idle spectau demo mation made by Jupiter, that every mortal should what passed, approached towards me. I probare bring in his griefs and calamities, and throw them uneasy at her presence, when of a sudden she was relex together in a heap. There was a large plain ap- her magnifying glass full before my eyes lot*por pointed for this purpose. I took my stand in the sooner saw my face in it, but was started and care a centre of it, and saw with a great deal of pleasure shortness of it, which now appeared to w sfera the whole human species marching one after an- utmost aggravation. The immoderate brexit in b other, and throwing down their several loads, which the features made me very much out of here immediately grew up into a prodigious mountain, with my own countenance, upon which I theo on that seemed to rise above the clouds.
from me like a mask. It happened very lubos
N° 559. FRIDAY, JUNE 25, 1714.
Iratus buccas inflet, nequc se jure pochze
Tam facilem dicat, solis ul præbere auren!
Were it not just that Jore, provok'd to heat,
Shou'd drive these triflers from the ballad
And unrelenting stand when they intreat!
came to look upon them as burches *
As we were regarding very attentively this chos
was now at liberty to exchange his affiction, and is I could not but observe, that there were many more as shonld be delivered to him, imaginary tban real, One little packet I could not but take notice of, which was a complication and, parcelling out the wholc heap witb iscrito
Upon this Fancy began again to bestir bereits of all the diseases incident to human nature, and was in the hand of a great many fine people this packet. The hurry and confusion at this tut dan
activity, recommended 10 every one his parock
not to be expressed. Some observation sed!
made upon the occasion, I shall communion
an heir to his estate, snatched up an undutiful son, wandered up and down under the pressure of their that had been thrown into the heap by an angry several burthens. The whole plain was filled with father. The graceless youth, in less than a quarter murmurs and complaints, groans and lamentations of an hour, pulled the old gentleman by the beard, Jupiter, at length taking coinpassion on the poor and bad like to have knocked his brains out; mortals, ordered theia a second time to lay down o that meeting the true father, who came to their loads, with a design to give every one his own wards him with a fit of the gripes, he begged him again. They discharged themselves with a great o take his son again, and give bim back his colic ; deal of pleasure; after which, the phantom who put they were incapable either of them to recede had led them into such gross delusions was comrom the choice they had made. A poor gallev. manded to disappear. There was sent in her stead lave, who had thrown down his chains, took up the a goddess of a quite different figure : her motions out in their stead, but mare such wry faces, that were steady and composed, and her aspect serious ne might easily perceive he was no great gainer but cheerful. She every now and then cast her y the bargain. It was pleasant enough to see the eyes towards heaven, and fixed them apon Jupiter; everal exchanges that were made, for sickness her name was Patience. She had no sooner placed gainst poverty, hunger against want of appetite, herself by the Mount of Sorrows, but, what I nd care against pain.
thonght very remarkable, the whole heap sunk to The female world were very busy among them- such a degree, that it did not appear a third part so lve; in bartering for features: one was trucking big as it was before. She afterwards returned lock of grey hairs for a carbuncle, another was every man his own proper calamity, and, teaching aking over a short waist for a pair of round him how to bear it in the most commodious manner, houlders, and a third cheapening a bad face for a he marched off with it contentedly, being very
t reputation : but on all these occasions there well pleased that he had not been left to his own as not one of them who did not think the new choice as to the kind of evils which fell to his lot. lemish, as soon as she had got it into her posses. Besides the several pieces of morality to be on, much more disagreeable than the old one. I drawn out of this vision, I learnt from it never to ade the same observation on every other inisfor-repine at my own misfortunes, or to envy the hapine or calainity which every one in the assembly piness of another, since it is impossible for any rought upon hiinself in lieu of what he had parted min to form a right judgment of his neighbour's ith; whether it be that all the evils which befall suffering: ; for which reason also I have determined i are in some measure suited and proportioned to never to think too lightly of another's complaints, ir strength, or that every evil becomes more sup- but to regard the sorrows of my fellow-creatures ortable by our being accustomed to it, I shall not with sentiments of humanity and compassion. termine.
ADDISON* I could not from my heart forbear pituing the por hump-backed gentleman mentioned in the mmer paper, who went off a very well shaped 'rson with a stone in his bladder; nor the fine
N° 560. MONDAY, JUNE 28, 1714. ntleman who had struck up this bargain with m, that limped through a whole assembly of la.
OVID. Met. 1. i. ver. 745. es, who used to admire him, with a pair of shoulrs peeping over his head.
He tries his tongue, bis silence softly breaks. I must not omit my own particular adventure, y friend with a long visage had no sooner taken Every one has heard of the famous conjurert, will him my short face but he made such a gro- j who, according to the opinion of the vulgar, has que figure in it, that as I looked upon him I studied himself dumb ; for which reason, as it is vid not forbear laughing at myself, insomuch believed, be delivers out all his oracles in writing. at I put my own face out of countenance. The | Be that as it will, the blind Teresias was not more or gentleman was so sensible of the ridicule, famous in Greece than this dumb artist has been it I found he was ashamed of what he had done: for some years last part in the cities of London and
the other side, I found that I nyself had no Westminster. Thus much for the profound gentle. at reason to triumph ; for as I went to touch my man who honours me with the following epistie: ehead I missed the place, and clapped my finger on my upper lip. Besides, as my nose was
From my cell, June 24, 1714. 'eeding prominent, I gave it two or three un
• Being informed that you bave lately got the ise ky knocks as I was playing my hand about my of your tongue, I have some thoughts of following e, and aiming at some other part of it. I saw
your example, that I may be a fortune-teller proo other gentlemen by me who were in the same perly speaking. I am grown weary of my taiculous circumstances. These had made a fool. citurnity, and having served my country many wop between a couple of thick bandy legs and
years under the title of “the dumb doctor," I o long trapsticks that had no calves to them. shall now prophesy by word of mouth, and (as le of these looked like a man walking upon Mr. Lee says of the magpie, who you know was Is, and was so lifted up into the air, above his a great fortune-teller among the ancients) chatter linary height, that his head turned round with while the other made such awkward circles as * “ The Spectator, from its commencement in this eighth attempted to walk, that he scarcely knew how volume, was published only three times a week, and no disnove forward upon his new supporters. Ob criminative marks were added 10 the papers. Nr. Tickell has ring him to be a pleasant kind of fellow, 1501, 562, 565, 567, 568, 509,571, 574, 575, 579, 590, 582, 583, k my cane in the ground, and told him I would 581, 585, 590, 592, 598, and 600. "Addison therefore prohiin a bottle of wine that he did not march up
duced more than a fourth part of this volume." Dr. Johnsin's ton a line that I drew for him in a quarter of 1801. It is said, that Addison and C. Budgell were the scle
Lives of Eng. Poets, art. Addison, vol. ii. p. 97, 98, 8vo. edit. hour.
conductors of this eighth volume; in which it does not The heap was at last distributed among the two appear that Steele was concerned. es, who made a most piteous sight, as they
+ Duncan Campbell.-See No 474.
l'erba intermissa retent.
561. futurity. I have hitherto chosen to receive ques- | in history, since that which happened to be u tions and return answers in writing, that I might of Cresus; ray, I believe you might have pas avoid the tediousness and trouble of debates, my higher, and have added Balaams in Ver querists being generally of a humour to think that impatient to see more of your predectats de they have never predictions enough for their mo- expect what words will next fall fra you, ney. In short, sir, my case has been something as much attention as those who were set to val 1. like that of those discreet animals the monkeys, the speaking head which Friar Bacon forza derro. who, as the Indians tell us, can speak if they erected in this place. would, but purposely avoid it that they may not
• We are, worthy sir, be made to work. I have hitherto gained a live
"Your most hamhle nunta lihood by hoiding my tongue, but shall now open
B. R. T.D. my mouth in order to fill it. If I appear a little word-bound in my first solutions and responses, 1 HONEST SPEC,
Middle-Tetopr. hope it will not be imputed to any want of fore- “I AM very glad to hear that thou beziK sight, but to the long disuse of speech. I doubt prate; and find, by thy yesterday's vision, to 4 not by this invention to have all my former custo- so used to it that thou canst rol forbrar alli mers over again; for, if I have promised any of thy sleep. Let me only advise thee to suas
id them lovers or husbands, riches or good luck, it is other men, for I am afraid thou wilt be vier 2015 my design to confirm to them, viva voce, what 1 if thou dost not intend to use the porazes iníl have already given them under my hand. If you as thou callest them in thy second paper. Ils 1: will honour me with a visit, I will compliment you thou a mind to pass for a Bantamite*, or io nobis with the first opening of my mouth; and if you us all Quakers: 'I do assure thee, dear Spre, la please you may make an entertaining dialogue out
not polished out of my veracity, when i saber
And hun ble servant,
* Thy constant admirer,
I have my experience, and have learnt some
I have received the following letter, or rather billet-doux, from a pert young baggage, who congratulates with me upon the same occasion.
N° 561. WEDNESDAY, JUNE 30, 1984
Paulitim al clere Vcha
June 23, 1714.
Incipil, et viro tentat prázdtere andre selves the Chit-chat Club, and an ordered by the
Jampridem resides animus de ver que corda,
VIRG.... whole sisterhood to corgratulate you upon the use
But he of your tongue. We have all of us a
Works in the pliant bosom of the fair,
mighty mind to hear you talk, and if you will take your place
And moulds her heart anew, and bint berkree care among us for an evening, we have unanimously
The dead is to the living love resign'd,
And all Eneds enters in her mind. agreed to allow you one minute in ten, without
DRYDEN. interruption, I am, SIR,
I ana tall, broad-shouldered, imperlest
, was (Your bumble servant,
fellow, and, as I thought, every may quali: S, T.'
a rich widow; but after having triedy
for above three years together, I bate pubb Clack's, who will leave orders with her porter, attacks were generally successful, but alwave
P. S. You may find us at my Lady Belty able to get one single relict in the wind. V that if an elderly gentleman, with a short face, off as soon as they came to the sono tions asked.' what I have received from my correspondents, Itlemen, who are commonly distinguished hr As this particular paper shall consist wholly of secrets which may be of use to those uobapp
4 shall fill up the remaining part of it with other game of widow-huntrrs, and who do not congratulatory lerters of the same nature.
that this tribe of women are, generall pole
as much upon the catch as themselves. 12
Oxford, June 25, 1714
male cabal of this order, who call the We are bere wonderfully pleased with the open-Widow-club. This club consists of wise ery in approbation of your design; especially since | round a large osul table.
, we find you are resolved to preserve your taciturpity as to all party-inatters.
1. Mrs. President is a person who bard
We do not question of six husbands, and is now determined 15 whom the poet sweetly sings, but you are as great an orator as Sir Hudibras, oi seventh; being of opinion that they w
virtue in the touch of a seventh baland He could not ope His mouth, but out ibere ficw a trope.”
62. Mrs. Snap, who has four joiature,
different bedfellows, of four dillerede If you will send us down the half dozen well-turned is at present upon the point of Dam 1 muscles, we will deposit them bear an old manu-extending her possessions through all the periods that produced sich dismal ettects in your Middlesex mal, and is said to have the university; for we all agree with you, that script of Tully's orations, among the archives of in England on this side the Treat. there is not a inore remarkable accident recorded
Her coinrades are as falla