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Such is the calm of your retreat ?
Beneath this heavy load;
Sir Charles H. Williams,
What statesman, what hero, what king,
Whose name thro' the island is spread,
Of all the great living, or dead ?
In search of a topic for rhyme;
Who deserves to employ your whole time. But, howe'er, as the subject is nice,
And perhaps you're unfurnish'd with matter, May it please you to take my advice,
That you mayn't be suspected to flatter. When you touch on his Lordship's high birth,
Speak Latin as if you were tipsy, Say, we all are the sons of tbe earth,
Et genus non fecimus ipsi. Pruclaim him as rich as a Jew,
Yet attempt not to reckon his bounties; You may say, he is married—that's true
Yet speak not a word of his Countess. Leave a blank here and there in each page,
To enrol the fair deeds of his youth ! When you mention the acts of his age,
Leave a blank for his-honour and truth.
He spake, and the minister fell;
O that he had taught him to spell !
Then enlarge on his cunning and wit,
Say how he harangued at the Fountain :
And a mouse was produced by a mountain.
By increasing our taxes and stocks;
Sir Charles H. Williams.
ADVICE TO THE MARQUIS OF ROCKINGHAM
Upon a late Occasion.
And to a wretch be kind !
And be both deaf and blind.
If thus, my Lord, your heart o'erflows,
Such weakness will create you?
We older folks shall hate you.
Your smiles but made him bolder:
I would that you were older.
Your house with beggars haunted
If right, their suit is granted.
From pressing words of great and small
And fail nineteen in twenty :
Have precedents, in plenty!
More fitted to your station:
ABOUT fifty years since, in the days of our daddies,
That plan was commenced which the wise now applauci, Of shipping off Ireland's most turbulent Paddies,
As good raw materials for settlers, abroad. Some West Indian Island, whose name I forget,
Was the region then chosen for this scheme so romantic ; And such the success the first colony met,
That a second, soon after, set sail o'er the Atlantic. Behold them now safe at the long look'd-for shore,
Sailing in between banks that the Shannon might greet, And thinking of friends whom, but two years before,
They, had sorrow'd to lose, but would soon again meet. And, hark ! from the shore a glad welcome there came
Arrah, Paddy from Cork, is it you, my sweet boy?" While Pat stood astounded, to hear his own name
Thus hail'd by black devils, who caper'd for joy! Can it possibly be ?-half amazement-half doubt,
Pat listens again-rubs his eyes and looks steady ; Then heaves a deep sigh, and in horror yells out,
“Good Lord ! only think-black and curly already!”
Deceived by that well-mimick'd brogue in his ears,
Pat read his own doom in these wool-headed figures, And thought, what a climate, in less than two years, To turn a whole cargo of Pats into niggers !
MORAL. 'Tis thus, but alas ! by a moral more true
Than is told in this rival of Ovid's best stories, Your Whigs, when in office a short year or two,
By a lusus naturæ, all turn into Tories. And thus, when I hear them “strong measures ” advise,
Ere the seats that they sit on have time to get steady, I say, while I listen, with tears in my eyes, “Good Lord !-only think-black and curly already!”
THE FRIEND OF HUMANITY AND THE KNIFE.
FRIEND OF HUMANITY.
So have your breeches !
Scissors to grind O!'
Or the attorney ?
All in a law-suit ?
Story! God bless you! I have none to tell, sir,
Torn in the scuffle,
“ Constable came up for to take me into Custody; they took me before the Justice; Justice Oldmixon put me in the parish
Stocks for a vagrant.
“I should be glad to drink your honour's health in
With politics, sir.”
FRIEND OF HUMANITY.
“ I give thee sixpence! I will see thee damned firstWretch! whom no sense of wrong can rouse to vengeanceSordid, unfeeling, reprobate, degraded,
Spiritless outcast!" (Kicks the knife-grinder, overturns his wheel, and
exit in a transport of republican enthusiasm and universal philanthropy.)
A POLITICAL DESPATCH.
In matters of commerce, the fault of the Dutch
Twenty per cent.,
Twenty per cent.,
The Right Hon. George Canning.