them, I have felt the Pleasure of one efcaped from the Danger of a Wreck; for all the Time I am prefent, I confider myself as liable to Affront, without a Power of fhewing any Refentment; which would expofe me to ten-fold Ridicule. Nor am I formed for a Masquerade; where fuch a Figure would foon be difcovered; nor escape Abuse from the lower Clafs, whom the Mask introduces to their Betters; and where all indulge a greater Liberty of Behaviour.

I always had an Averfion in my Childhood to Dancing-mafters; and ftudied all Evafions to avoid their Leffons, when they were forced upon me; for I was ever confcious to myfelf, what an untoward Subject they had to work on. I carried this a little too far; and have fometimes wished I had facrificed a little more to the Graces. The Neglect of this has left behind it an Aukwardnefs in fome Part of my outward Gesture and Behaviour; and I am fenfible, that I might, by Care and Habit, have corrected fome Things now grown inveterate; and that from a natural Diflike to Trifles, I neglected fome Forms too much.

Bodily Deformity is very rare; and therefore a Perfon fo diftinguished must naturally think, that he has had ill Luck in a Lottery, where there are above a thousand Prizes to one Blank. Among 558 Gentlemen in the Houfe of Commons, I am the only one that is fo. Thanks to my worthy Conftituents, who never objected to my Person; and I hope never

to give them cause to object to my Behaviour. They are not like a venal Borough, of which there goes a Story; that, though they never took Exceptions to any Man's Character, who came up to their Price ; yet they once rejected the beft Bidder, because he was a Negroe.

I never was, nor ever will be, a Member of the [m] Ugly Club; and I would advise those Gentlemen to meet no more: For though they may be a very ingenious and facetious Society; yet it draws the Eyes of the World too much upon them, and theirs too much from the World. For who would choose to be always looking at bad Pictures, when there is so great a Collection to be met with of good ones, especially among the Fair Sex; who, if they will not admit them to be Intimates, will permit them to be diftant Admirers. When deformed Perfons appear together, it doubles the Ridicule, because of the Similitude; as it does, when they are seen with very large Perfons, because of the Contraft. Let them therefore call Minerva to their Aid in both Cafes.

There are many Great and Tall Men, with whom I fhall always efteem it an Honour to converse; and though their Eyes are placed in a much higher Parallel, they take care never to overlook me; and are always concerned, if, by Chance, they happen to ftrike my Hat with their Elbow. or walking, we indeed find fome

[m] Spectator, Numb, 17.

When standing Difficulty in the

Conver

Conversation; for they are obliged to stoop down, as in search of a Pin, while I am looking up, as if taking the Height of a Star with a Quadrant. And I own I fometimes ufe a little Policy, that the Contraft may not be too remarkable.

General O. is Brother in Blood and in Worth to one of the greatest and best Men of the Age; and a brave Spirit is lodged in a large Perfon. The Man, who stood intrepid by his Majesty's Side in the glorious Day of Dettingen, and afterwards by that of his Royal Highness in the more unfortunate one of Fontenay, is now placed at the Head of a Troop of Horse Grenadiers, to guard that Prince, whom he hath fo long and faithfully ferved. I have the Honour to be well known to him; and I once accidentally accompanied him to fee the Horfes of his Troop. I never was more humbled, than when I walked with him among his tall Men, made still taller by their Caps. I feemed to myself a Worm and no Man; and could not but inwardly grieve, that when I had the fame Inclination to the Service of my Country and Prince, I wanted their Strength to perform it. As a Member of the Houfe of Commons, I fometimes use the Precaution to place myself at fome Diftance from the General, though I am commonly of the fame Side of the House.

Lord D. is another brave Officer at the Head of one of his Majesty's Troops of Guards; one of the tallest of his Subjects; an ancient Peer; an able Senator; and (what is much to the Honour of any

Peer) a useful Magiftrate in the Country. I am always proud of meeting his Lordship at the Quarter Seffions; but I always take Care to have the Chairman at least between us on the Bench, that it may not be too vifible to the Country, what a prodigious Disparity there is in every Respect between us.

But I will now divide my Text, in order to discuss it more thoroughly; and will confider the natural Confequences of Bodily Deformity; firft, how it affects the outward Circumftances; and laftly, what Turn it gives to the Mind.

It is certain, that the Human Frame, being warped and disproportioned, is leffened in Strength and Activity; and rendered lefs fit for its Functions. Scarron had invented an Engine to take off his Hat; and I wish I could invent one to buckle my Shoe, or to take up a Thing from the Ground, which I can fcarce do without kneeling; for I can bend my Body no farther than it is bent by Nature. For this Reafon, when Ladies drop a Fan or Glove, I am not the first to take it up; and often reftrain my Inclination to perform those little Services, rather than expofe my Spider-like Shape. And I hope it will not be conftrued as Pride, if I do not always rife from my Seat when I ought; for if it is low, I find fome Trouble in it; and my Center of Gravity is fo ill placed, that I am often like to fall back. Things, hanging within the Reach of others, are out of mine. And what they can execute with Eafe, I want Strength to perform. I am in Danger of being trampled

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trampled upon, or ftifled in a Crowd; where my Back is a convenient Lodgment for the Elbow of any tall Perfon that is near. I can fee nothing; and my whole Employment is to guard my Perfon. I have forborn to attend his Majefty in the House of Peers, fince I was like to be fqueezed to death there against the Wall. I would willingly come thither when his Majefty commands, but he is too gracious to expect Impoffibilities. Befides, when I get in, I can never have the Pleasure of seeing, on the Throne, one of the best Princes, who ever fat on it. Thefe and many others are the Inconveniences continually attending a Figure like mine. They may appear grievous to Perfons not used to them; but they grow eafier by Habit; and though they may a little difturb, they are not fufficient to deftroy the Happiness of Life; of which, at an Average, I have enjoyed as great a Share as most Men. And perhaps one Proof of it may be my writing this Effay; not intended as a Complaint against Providence for my Lot, but as an innocent Amusement to myself and others.

I cannot tell what Effect Deformity may have on the Health; but it is natural to imagine, that as the inward Parts of the Body muft, in some measure, comply with the outward Mould; the Form of the latter being irregular, the first cannot be fo well placed and difpofed to perform their Functions; and that generally deformed Perfons would not be healthy or long-lived. But this is a Question beft determined by Facts; and in this Case the Inftances are too few, or unobferved, to draw a general Conclu

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