deliberately to affert, that it, and its Concerns, are proper Topics to entertain Company. Yet there are many, who, through want of Attention, fall into this Vein, as foon as the Converfation begins to ac quire Life: They lay hold of every Opportunity of introducing themselves, of defcribing themselves, and, if People are fo dull as not to take the Hint, of commending themselves: Nay, what is more furprising than all this, they are amazed at the Coldness of their Auditors; forgetting, that the fame Paffion inspires almost every body; and that there is scarce a Man in the Room who has not a better Opinion of himself, than of any body else.

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Difquifitions of this Sort into Human Nature belong properly unto Sages in Polite Philofophy: For the first Principle of true Politenefs, is, not to offend against fuch Difpofitions of the Mind as are almost infeparable from our Species. To find out, and methodize these, requires no fmall Labour and Application. The Fruits of my Researches on this Subject I communicate freely to the Public; but muft, at the fame Time, exhort my Readers to fpare, now and then, a few Minutes to fuch Reflexions; which will at least be attended with this good Confequence, that it will open a Scene, which hath Novelty, that powerful Charm, to recommend it.

But I must beware of growing ferious again; I am affraid my Gravity may have difobliged fome of the Beau-monde already.

He who intends t' advise the young' and gay,
Muft quit the common Road- -the formal Way,
Which hum-drum Pedants take to make Folks wife,
By praifing Virtue, and decrying Vice.

Let Parfons tell what dreadful Ills will fall
On fuch as liften when their Paffions call:
We from fuch Things our Pupils to affright,
Say not they're Sins, but that they're unpolite.
To fhew their Courage, Beaus would often dare,
By blackeft Crimes, to brave old Lucifer:
But who, of Breeding nice, of Carriage civil,
Would trespass on good Manners for the Devil;
Or, merely to difplay his Want of Fear,

Be dam'd hereafter, to be laugh'd at here?

It cannot be expected from me, that I should particularly criticise on all thofe Foibles through which Men are offenfive to others in their Behaviour: Perhaps too, a Detail of this Kind, however exact, might be thought tedious; it may be conftrued into a Breach of thofe Rules, for a ftrict Obfervance of which I contend. In order therefore to diverfify a Subject, which can no other Way be treateda greeably, permit me to throw together a Sett of Characters I once had the Opportunity of seeing, which will afford a juft Picture of these Marplots in Converfation, and which my Readers, if they please, may call the Affembly of Impertinents.

There was a Coffee-house in that End of the Town where I lodged fome Time ago, at which feveral Gentlemen used to meet of an Evening, who, from a happy Correfpondence in their Humours and Capacities,

Capacities, entertained one another agreeably from the Close of the Afternoon, till it was Time to go to Bed.

About fix Months this Society fubfifted with great Regularity, though without any Restraint. Every Gentleman who frequented the Houfe, and had converfed with the Erectors of this occafional Club, were invited to pass an Evening, when they thought fit, in a Room one Pair of Stairs fet apart for that Purpose.

The Report of this Meeting drew, one Night when I had the Honour of being there, three Gentlemen of Distinction, who were so well known to moft of the Members, that Admittance could not be refused them. One of them, whom I choose to call Major Ramble, turned of threefcore, and who had had an excellent Education, feized the Discourse about an Hour before Supper, and gave us a very copious Account of the Remarks he had made in three Year's Travels through Italy. He began with a geographical Defcription of the Dominions of his Sardinian Majefty as Duke of Savoy; and, after a Digreffion on the Fortifications of Turin, in fpeaking of which he fhewed himself a perfect Engineer, he proceeded to the fecret Hiftory of the Intrigues of that Court, from the Propofal of the Match with Portugal, to the Abdication of King Victor Amadeus, After this, he run over the general Hiftory of Milan, Parma, and Modena; dwelt Half an Hour on the Adventures of the laft Duke of Mantua; gave us a

hafty Sketch of the Court of Rome; transferred himfelf from thence to the Kingdom of Naples, repeated the Infurrection of Maffaniello, and, at a Quarter before Ten, finished his Observations with the Recital of what happened at the Reduction of that Kingdom to the Obedience of the present Emperor. What contributed to make this Conduct of his the more out of the way, was, that every Gentleman in the Room had been in Italy as well as he; and one of them, who was a Merchant, was the very Perfon at whose House the Major refided when at Naples. Poffibly he might imagine the Knowledge they had in those Things might give them a greater Relifh for his Animadverfions; or, to speak more candidly, the Defire of difplaying his own Parts buried every other Circumftance in Oblivion.

Juft as the Major had done speaking, a Gentleman called for a Glafs of Water; and happened to fay, after drinking it, that he found his Conftitution much mended fince he had left off Malt Liquor. Doctor Hettick, another of the Strangers, immediately laid hold of this Opportunity, and gave us a large Account of the Virtues of Water; confirming whatever he advanced from the Works of the most eminent Phyficians. From the main Subject, he made an eafy Tranfition to medicinal Baths and Springs. Nor were his Searches bounded by our own Country; he condefcended to acquaint us with the Properties of the Springs of Bourbon, particularized the genuine Smell of Spaw Water, applauded the wonderful Effects of the Piermont Mineral; and,

like

like a true Patriot, wound up his Difquifitions with preferring Aftrop Wells (within three Miles of which he was born) to them all. It was now turned of Eleven; when the Major and Doctor took their leave, and went away together in a Hackney-coach.

The Company feemed inclinable to extend their ufual Time of fitting, in order to divert themselves after the Night's Fatigue. When Mr. Papilio, the third New-comer, after two or three fevere Reflexions on the Oddity of fome People's Humours, who were for impofing their own idle Conceits as Things worthy the Attention of a whole Company; though, at the fame Time, their Subjects are trivial, and their Manner of treating them infipid: For my Part, continued he, Gentlemen, moft People do me the Honour to fay, that few Perfons understand Medals better than I do. To put the mufty Stories of these queer old Men out of our Heads, I'll give you the History of a valuable Medallion, which was fent me about three Weeks ago from Venice. Without ftaying for any farther Mark of Approbation than Silence, he entered immediately on a long Dissertation; in which he had scarce proceeded ten Minutes, before his Auditors, lofing all Patience, followed the Example of an old Turky Merchant, who, taking up his Hat and Gloves, went directly down Stairs, without faying a Word.

Animadverfions on what I have related, would but trespass on the Patience of my Readers; wherefore, in the Place of them, let me offer a few Re