the dead pantomime. Great improvements in Billingsgate-market : wholesale and retail departments kept separate: railing fixed by proper land-marks no lady allowed to hold forth for more than five minutes at a time; and if two or more Naiads utter the same execration, oath to be put up again. Canonical clergy of Durham convivially defended by the Reverend Dr. Phil-pots: to the best of his knowledge and belief, not a stall in the diocese that does not contain an animal overworked and under-fed. Serpentine-river covered with skaiters: usual average of human heads just peeping above the slippery horizon: printed notice of the Humane Society to the public, not to venture on, actually obeyed by three individuals: one of them a woman with a child in her arms: whole mob in arms at the prodigy! Judith O'Clark prosecuted by Excise at Kilkenny for having an illicit still, which she had contrived to conceal behind her teeth for fifteen minutes; an effort which nearly cost the poor creature her life. Robbery in the Tower: three of Henry the Eighth's ribs, Queen Mary's bowels, James the First's head, Charles the First's eyes, and Queen Elizabeth's heart not to be found: strict search making after the robbers. New winter Home circuit established: Baron Graham asks the Grand Jury if they do not find it very cold in looking over the Gaol calender his lordship overlooks the Gardener's, which advises that "old trees should be pruned" in January. Augusta, or the Blind Girl, makes her appearance at Covent-garden: not the right sort of cataract to please the public. Several sentimental ladies wish to visit Claremont: they are enticed into a notorious house in Covent-garden, and in lieu of a park are introduced to a theatrical performer who carries his cane like a rope-dancer's pole. Infallible cures for chilblains advertised: lots of hobbling boys, notwithstanding, blockading the front windows of the confectioners' shops, allured by the figure of his Majesty treading upon plum-cake. Only ninety-nine new magazines, two of which do not promise to outstrip all their predecessors.

February. Several wild swans seen flying over Brighton, to the no small amazement of several tame geese who happened to be waddling along the Steine: the bills of the former said to be three inches long: those of the latter much longer. Mr. Mocatia, a defaulter at the Stock Exchange, stated to be brother-in-law to Mr. Rothschild and nephew to Mr. Goldsmidt: John of Gaunt's armour at the Tower observed to look blue at finding its tall proprietor thus outshone in genealogical lustre. Moore's Loves of the Angels: two omitted, viz. one at Islington and the other at the back of St. Clement's. King James's crown jewels dramatically exhibited at Covent-garden Theatre rather too late for profit: fashion of them a little on the wane, being superseded by subsequent brilliants from the same shop. Great and expensive preparations making to prove Lord Portsmouth out of his wits: self-evident propositions being at a discount. Law changes: Daniel Whittle Harvey in his road from an attorney's office to a barrister's chambers waylaid and knocked down by a body of benchers. Oratorios during Lent: sacred beautifully dovetailed with prophane, viz. "Ye spotted Snakes" with the "Beautiful Maid," "Together let us range the Fields" with "Deeper and deeper still," and "Slow broke the Light" with "Hey! for the merry Blind Boy." Two Englishmen by mistake confmed all night in the

catacombs at Paris: let out next morning by means of a skeleton-key. Valentine's-day: Mr. Freeling applies to the postmaster-general for two waggons to convey the extra letters, and for permission to get them drawn by the asinine inditers, yoked two and two.

March.-Action brought by Mr. Cruickshank, against proprietor of stage-coach for breaking his leg: most ungrateful return for an intended benefit. Letter in the Paris papers announcing that a young man had been kicked out of one of the Hells at the west end of London : plain proof of the superiority of the Moderns: "evadere ad auras" not so easy in Æneas's time. Lord Manners refuses to dine with the Lord Lieutenant: Qu. title in abeyance when the note was transmitted? Mademoiselle Mercandotti is married to Hughes Ball: consequent investment of the lady with a noble birth: shrewd hints of Scottish origin: Garrick and Mademoiselle Violetti quoted as a case in point: sad consequences of the alliance in a series of epigrams in the Morning Post: the lady's original appearance alleged to have been in Pandora-the worst box in the King's Theatre. Fifty cabriolets are licensed to ply on hackney-coach stands: "We're a' nodding," in consequence, more popular than ever. Much vapouring in the French papers, which actually carry their effrontery so far as to call Hughes Ball Hughey.

April.-Month ushered in by divers hoaxes suitable to its first day: among others, Age of Bronze palmed upon Lord Byron. New London Bridge: one alderman votes in the teeth of his own convenience another even consents to the removal of Fishmongers'-hall, notwithstanding the consequent loss of a monthly dinner there of no ordinary excellence: it is to be hoped that these instances of patriotism will meet their sweetest reward in the whisper of an applauding conscience. Old woman taken for a witch at Taunton, and Mr. ExSheriff Parkins for the Goddess Justice, in London, owing to his skill in holding a balance in hand. Smart farce written by a titled dandy: an alarm of fire given by a monkey. Mrs. M'Kinnon executed for murder at Edinburgh: her head afterwards phrenologically compared with those of a clergyman and a good woman: assertion doubted very much, as a good woman has no head. General averment in the Scottish journals that the family of M'Kinnon is originally Irish, and not Scotch. Cork mail runs one day without being fired at from behind a hedge-"then is doomsday near."

May.-New London Orphan Asylum at Clapton: platform gives way, and his Highness of York narrowly escapes the ceremony of laying the first duke: subsequent dinner at the City of London Tavern on the ground-floor, "by particular desire of several persons of distinction." House of Commons highly interested by a protracted enquiry into the conduct of the High Sheriff of Dublin. Opening of Vauxhall Gardens, and consequent rise in the price of umbrellas. Duc d'Angouleme nicknamed the Royal Ram, from having his headquarters at Miranda. Lady Mayoress's Easter ball: great scrambling after ices in the Egyptian-hall-Query, Isis? Easter hunt: droves of unhorsed Londoners find their way as they can from Epping Forest to Bishopsgate-street-" all on foot he fights." Opening of annual exhibition at Somerset-house: great influx of one-shilling critics, who know as much of the matter as the blue checque taken at the door. More "Portrait of a Gentleman" than

usual. Why not make the catalogue-printer prove his words, and thus reduce the number to a snug coterie of some half-dozen ? Portrait of Mr. Barber Beaumont arrayed in an objectionable pair of pantaloons, casting a longing look at his own file-office. Desdemona is smothered at the Opera-house in the embraces of Rossini. Wanstead house, which cost 300,000l. knocked down for 10,000l.—“ I will stand the hazard of the die." First appearance of Quentin Durward, and consequent dissension in divers book-clubs, each member thinking his predecessor detains it from him out of mere spite. Only five men kicked out of the Cannon coffee-house for saying that they have not read it.

June. An old soldier advertises to quell the Irish rebellion for 10,0007.:-Query, which of them? London sub-ways: plan of Mr. John Williams, of Cornhill, for constructing subterraneous passages under the streets: much patronized by divers young citizens, who have reasons of their own for not wishing to face their tailors. The Princess Olive of Cumberland's manifesto to her faithful subjects the Poles. Flowers of Billingsgate mutually scattered by Alderman Rowcroft and Mr. Hunt: the latter bound over by the Lord Mayor to keep the peace; a ceremony voluntarily performed by him for many years last past.

July-Closing of Drury-lane and Covent-garden Theatres : customary thanks from Messrs. Fawcett and Terry for past favours, and promises of future improvement. Fête given by the Marquess of Hertford at Queensbury-house, Richmond: the Duke of Devonshire keeps his heart, but loses his hat. Sweethearts and Wives, notwithstanding the dissimilarity of their attractions, much approved of at the Haymarket Theatre. The proprietors of Vauxhall Gardens inform the public that "nothing can damp their ardour:" certainly if the present weather cannot, nothing can. Tom and Jerry are killed at the Cobourg Theatre. Dangers attendant on the liberty of the press in China, illustrated by the fate of Whang-se-hoo, who had the audacity to assert in print that he was descended from Whang-tee. By a fatal accident (and it may be added an unaccountable one) the perpetual curate of Sawley loses his life. Westminster improvements: New Law Courts said to be "so built as to be uniform :" arrangement highly approved of by the public, several of whom have heretofore been turned round and whisked out of the Court of King's Bench before they knew where they were, while others have spent a whole life in the Court of Chancery without being able to find their way out. Much money taken at a door in Fleet-street by a speculator, who exhibited, at a shilling a head, a live man who had not been to Fonthill Abbey.

August.-Ezekiel Cohen, a Jew, is cruelly prosecuted for merely assuming the character of an attorney. The ghost of John Knox makes its appearance in Cross-street, Hatton-garden, arrayed in black whiskers and a dandy shirt-collar. Rossini, the Italian composer, nearly killed by eating six fat lobsters, to qualify himself to sing "O Piscator del' onda." Prince Hohenlohe miraculously cures 66 a lady of respectability, who had been for many years one of the religious community of Ranelagh:" the chief part of the miracle being the conversion of a fashionable community into a religious one. A new comedy kept sweet nine nights by opening the belly of its third act, taking out its sentiments and filling the orifice with powdered charcoal. A mar

ried church warden at Dundee, by mistake writes his own name in the register in lieu of that of the bridegroom: "Insatiate archer, would not one suffice?" The Canal in St. James's-park cleansed of its impurities by mistake instead of the Mall. Meeting at the Freemasons' Tavern, to decide whether Mrs. Serres shall or shall not be Princess of Cumberland decided in the negative, but resolved that she shall be Princess of Poland: a decision satisfactory to her Royal Highness, diet being her object. Mr. Graham seems disposed not to mount in his balloon from White Conduit-house Gardens: several of the mob threw brick-bats at him to make him fly. A large fungus, of the citizen species, is found sticking to a mansion in Connaught-place: it measures five feet in height and six round the girdle. Witchcraft advertised to be abolished by Dr. Gardner's alterative medicine, in lieu of the old remedy of actual cautery. James Brandon is removed from his situation in Covent-garden Theatre: proprietors much blamed for assuming the privilege of dismissing their own servants. Rain still continues, to the grievous annoyance of divers brokers, who are constrained to refrain from Brighton, and to attend to their business from want of something better to do.

September-Ghost of " Knocking Jack of the North," still knocking and scratching in Cross-street, Hatton Garden: large and tumultuous assemblage of women of fashion, ministers of state, courtesans, poets, players, judges, and barristers, who experience an extraordinary delight in being sent to the devil to their faces. Tithes raised in three London parishes: inhabitants advised to use Rowland's kalydor, which "affords a pleasing relief after shaving." More controversy between Mr. Owen of Lanark and the Presbytery of that Ilk: in spite of the parallelograms of the former, people in general no better than they should be. A London Gazette is published without a single whereas : in the evening the several tradesmen illuminated their houses. Fall of the Trocadero announced upon the Royal Exchange: benevolent hope expressed by an alderman that it did not hurt any body. "The Great Unknown" is damned at the Haymarket Theatre, after undergoing that ceremony from all the romance writers of Great Britain. Death of Robert Bloomfield the poet: dismay and surprise of several sentimental young ladies on finding that the Farmer's Boy was fifty-six years old. New coinage of double sovereigns: much cavilled at by Sir W. C. who hoped that William and Mary would have proved the last.

October. The winter theatres open, as usual, with God save the King!" let schoolmen tell us why." A Mr. Dando summoned before the Lord Mayor on a charge of detaining the money of another person : he is discharged, as incurable, on pleading that he spells his name with a y. Law courts at Westminster in a progressive state : "the memorable old pump" said to be "still suffered to remain :" meaning, it is presumed, the British public. The Wesleyan Missionary Society dispatch two emissaries to labour in Palestine and a like number to Eutopia. Memorial of a murdered gentleman inserted in the Dublin papers. Cobbett versus Levy, lessee of the Kensington tolls: much mutual objurgation before the Bow-street magistrates: plaintiff proves defendant a Jew, but the latter fails in proving his adversary a Christian. Lord Cochrane in the Brazilian line-of-battle ship, Don Pedro the First, shows an unabated love of prize-money. Several instances of somnambulism in the theatrical world: actors and

actresses seen groping their way in Little Russell-street and Hartstreet through the stage-doors of the wrong theatre: play-goers much puzzled to know where to find them. In consequence of the projected improvements of St. James's Palace, several old women have received notice to quit. Captain Parry returns from the North Pole, and meets with a degree of coldness not experienced by him in Baffin's Bay. Tomb of Baron Swedenborg opened, and the deceased found to have no head: letter from one of his disciples to Mr. Sylvanus Urban, showing that he lost it before he wrote his Arcana Celestia.

November.-Several stray murders lying at the police-offices to be owned, were claimed by the wrong perpetrators. Mr. Sinclair, the singer, denies the temperature of his sitting-room, not wishing to be "thought a greater fool than he is." The abbey church of Romsey broken into by some thieves, but the nave of the church happening to be in the pulpit escaped their sacrilegious clutches. Another Polar expedition talked of" At him again, Mordecai, he'll get into a dom scrape by and by." Mr. Maberley's horse-bazaar is removed to the winter theatres. Much mischief done on the fifth of November, being Guy Faux day, but much more done on the sixth, being the first day of Term. Lord Mayor's day: numerous females at open windows, with bare throats gazing at nothing till something comes, and then closing the casement on account of the cold. A woman pitched from the roof of the Fortitude Kentish-town coach into an undertaker's shop, and escaped with only a few slight bruises, to the great mortification of the sable shopkeeper. The Reverend C. C. Colton made a bankrupt as a wine-merchant: no good ever comes of preaching over one's liquor. Providential escape! the elbows of nine fiddlers, at the Cateaton-street concert, gave way, and fell down with a tremendous crash; fortunately nobody was near. The author of Waverley said to have a curious mode of acquainting his domestics with his wants, by having the words "breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper," painted upon a board. N. B. The only poet on record who can call for four meals in a day. A £50. bill said to be swallowed by a donkey at Liverpool, and the printed statement of it swallowed by several of the species in London. The usual quantum of suicides: several poor bodies rescued by the Humane Society from a watery grave to be interred in an earthen one.

December.-Meeting of Common Council at Guildhall to propose a Statue to Riego: ditto in Lincoln's-Inn Hall to propose a Statue to Lord Erskine: ditto in Leadenhall to propose a Statue to Mr. Charles Grant: a Scotch India stock-holder proposes that they should be clubbed together in the character of the three Graces, and that Sandy Mac-chisel, the stone-mason in Argyll-street, should have the job. Royal Society of Literature offer a new premium for poetry: not a garret in Grub-street to be had. Ghost of John Knox taketh unto itself a wife, to be shade of its shade: less knocking and scratching in Cross-street than heretofore: mysteries, moralities, and Drurylane dramas all end with a marriage. Doctrinal points still undecided;

One thinks on Calvin Heaven's own spirit fell,
Another deems him instrument of Hell.

Dreadful storm of wind blows over the metropolis: melancholy effects thereof: Sir Walter Stirling cannot keep his hat upon his head: Miss