You spurned me such a day; another time
You called me — dog; and for these courtesies
I'll lend you thus much moneys."

Ant. I am as like to call thee so again.

To spit on thee again, to spurn thee too.
If thou wilt lend this money, lend it not
As to thy friends; (for when did friendship take
A breed for barren metal of his friend?)

But lend it rather to thine enemy;

Who if he break, thou may'st with better face
Exact the penalty.

Shy. Why, look

you, how you storm!
I would be friends with you, and have your love,
Forget the shames that you have stained me with,
Supply your present wants, and take no doit

Of usance for my moneys, and you'll not hear me:
This is kind I offer.

Ant. This were kindness.

Shy.

This kindness will I show:
Go with me to a notary, seal me there
Your single bond; and, in a merry sport,
If you repay me not on such a day,

In such a place, such sum, or sums, as are
Expressed in the condition, let the forfeit
Be nominated for an equal pound

Of

your fair flesh, to be cut off and taken In what part of your body pleaseth me.

Ant. Content, in faith; I'll seal to such a bond, And say, there is much kindness in the Jew.

Bass. You shall not seal to such a bond for me, I'll rather dwell in my necessity.

Ant. Why, fear not, man; I will not forfeit it. Within these two months, that's a month before This bond expires, I do expect return

Of thrice three times the value of this bond.

Shy. O, father Abraham, what these Christians are; Whose own hard dealings teaches them suspect The thoughts of others! Pray you, tell me this; If he should break his day, what should I gain

By the exaction of the forfeiture?

A pound of man's flesh, taken from a man,
Is not so estimable, profitable neither,
As flesh of muttons, beefs, or goats. I say,
To buy his favor, I extend this friendship:
If he will take it, so; if not, adieu;

And, for my love, I pray you, wrong me not.
Ant. Yes, Shylock, I will seal unto this bond.
Shy. Then meet me forthwith at the notary's;
Give him direction for this merry bond,
And I will go and purse the ducats straight;
See to my house, left in the fearful guard
Of an unthrifty knave; and presently

I will be with you.

Hie thee, gentle Jew.

Ant.
This Hebrew will turn Christian; he grows kind.
Bass. I like not fair terms, and a villain's mind.
Ant. Come on in this there can be no dismay,
My ships come home a month before the day.

(Exit.)

SHAKSPEARE

Touch. Good even, gentle friend: cover thy head, cover thy

head: nay, pray thee, be covered.

Will. Five and twenty, sir.

How old are you, friend'

Touch. A ripe age: is thy name William ?

Will. William, sir.

Touch. A fair name: wast born in the forest here?
Will. Ay, sir, I thank God.

66

Touch. Thank God; a good answer: art rich?

Will. Faith, sir, so, so.

Touch. "So, so," is good, very good, very excellent good:and yet it is not; it is but so, so. Art thou wise?

Will. Ay, sir, I have a pretty wit. Touch. Why, thou say'st well. I do now remember a saying, "The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool." The heathen philosopher, when he had a desire to eat a grape, would open his lips when he put it into his mouth; meaning thereby, that grapes were made to eat, and lips to open. You do love this maid?

Will. I do, sir.

Touch. Give me your hand: art thou learned?
Will. No, sir.

Touch. Then learn this of me: to have, is to have: for it is a figure in rhetoric, that drink, being poured out of a cup into a glass, by filling the one doth empty the other for all your

writers do consent, that ipse is he; now you are not ipse, I for am he.

Will. Which he, sir?

Touch. He, sir, that must marry this woman; therefore, you clown, abandon,— which is in the vulgar, leave,— the society,— which in the boorish is, company,- of this female,-- which in the common is, woman, which together is, abandon the society of this female; or, clown, thou perishest; or, to thy better understanding, diest; to wit, I kill thee, make thee away, translate thy life into death, thy liberty into bondage: I will deal in poison with thee, or in bastinado, or in steel; I will bandy with thee in faction; I will over-run thee with policy; I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways; therefore tremble, and depart.

SHAKSPEARE.

THE QUARREL ON THE SEVENTH CAUSE.

TOUCHSTONE

JAQUES DUKE, SENIOR.

Touch. Salutation and greeting to you all!

Jaq. Good, my lord, bid him welcome: this is the motleyminded gentleman, that I have so often met in the forest; he hath been a courtier, he swears.

Touch. If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation. I have trod a measure; I have flattered a lady; I have been politic with my friend, smooth with mine enemy; I have undone three tailors; I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.

Jaq. And how was that ta'en up?

Touch. 'Faith, we met and found the quarrel was upon the seventh cause.

Good, my lord, like this fellow.

Jaq. How seventh cause? Duke S. I like him very well. Touch. God 'ild you, sir; I desire you of the like. I press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives, to swear, and to forswear; according as marriage binds, and blood breaks: a poor virgin, sir, an ill-favored thing, sir, but mine own; a poor humor of mine, sir, to take that that no man else will: rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house; as your pearl, in your foul oyster.

Duke S. By my faith, he is very swift and sententious. Touch. According to the fool's bolt, sir, and such dulcet dis

cases.

Jaq. But, for the seventh cause; how did you find the quar. rel on the seventh cause?

Touch. Upon a lie seven times removed; -bear your body more seemingly, Audry:- as thus, sir. I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier's beard; he sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was: this is called the Retort courteous. If I sent him word again, it was not well cut, he would send me word, he cut it to please himself: this is called the Quip modest. If again, it was not well cut, he disabled my judgment: this is called the Reply churlish. If again, it was not well cut, he would answer, I spake not true: this is called the Reproof valiant. If again, it was not well cut, he would say, I lie: this is called the Countercheck quarrelsome: and so to the Lie circumstantial, and the Lie direct.

Jaq. And how oft did you say, his beard was not well cut? Touch. I durst go no farther than the Lie circumstantial, nor he durst not give me the Lie direct; so we measured swords, and parted.

Jaq. Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie? Touch. O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book; as you have books for good manners: I will name you the degrees. The first, the Retort courteous; the second, the Quip modest; the third, the Reply churlish; the fourth, the Reproof valiant; the fifth, the Countercheck quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with circumstance; the seventh, the Lie direct. All these you may avoid, but the Lie direct; and you may avoid that, too, with an If. I knew when seven justices could not take up a quarrel; but when the parties were met themselves, one of them thought but of an If, as, "If you said so, then I said so;" and they shook hands, and swore brothers. Your If is the only peacemaker; much virtue in If.

Jaq. Is not this a rare fellow, my lord? he 's as good at any thing, and yet a fool.

Duke S. He uses his folly like a stalking-horse, and under the presentation of that, he shoots his wit.

SHAKSPEARE.

AN ANSWER TO FIT ANY QUESTION.

COUNTESS

CLOWN.

Count. Come on, sir; I shall now put you to the hight of your breeding.

Clo. I will show myself highly fed, and lowly taught: I know my business is put to the court

Count. To the court! why, what place make you special, when you put off that with such contempt? But to the court! Clo. Truly, madam, if God have lent a man any manners, he may easily put it off at court: he that cannot make a leg, put off's cap, kiss his hand and say nothing, has neither leg, hands, lip, nor cap; and, indeed, such a fellow, to say precisely, were not for the court. But, for me, I have an answer will serve all

men.

Count. Will your answer serve fit to all questions?

Clo. As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an attorney. As a scolding quean to a wrangling knave, as the nun's lip to the friar's mouth; nay, as the pudding to his skin.

Count. Have you, I say, an answer of such fitness for all questions?

Clo. From below your duke, to beneath your constable, it will fit any question

Count. It must be an answer of most monstrous size, that must fit all demands.

Clo. But a trifle neither, in good faith, if the learned should speak truth of it: here it is, and all that belongs to 't: Ask me, if I am a courtier; it shall do you no harm to learn.

Count. To be young again, if we could: I will be a fool in question, hoping to be the wiser by your answer. I pray you, sir, are you a courtier ?

Clo. O Lord, sir, more, a hundred of them.

--

There's a simple putting off; — more,

Count. Sir, I am a poor friend of yours, that loves you.

Clo. O Lord, sir, — Thick, thick, spare not me.

Count. I think, sir, you can eat none of this homely meat. Clo. O Lord, sir, -Nay, put me to 't, I warrant you. Count. You were lately whipped, sir, as I think.

Clo. O Lord, sir,

Spare not me.

Count. Do you cry, O Lord, sir," at your whipping, and spare not me?" Indeed, your "O lord, sir," is very sequent

to your whipping; you would answer very well to a whipping, you were but bound to 't.

if

Clo. I ne'er had worse luck in my life, in my "O Lord, sir.”

I see, things may serve long, but not serve ever.

Count. I play the noble housewife with the time, to entertain it so merrily with a fool.

Clo. O Lord, sir,

- Why, ther 't serves well again. Count. An end, sir, to your business: Give Helen this, And urge her to a present answer back:

Commend me to my kinsmen, and my son;

This is not much.