the "it is an unjust reflection, and is clearly swaddies, and 'Pray whose cottage is libellous." this?' axed the serjeant as stiff as a "It's all the same to ould Jack whose crutch. It's Martin Joyce's,' said bellows it is," returned the boatswain's Maria.-'Ay, I thought as much, says mate carelessly; "it's no lie, howsomever, he: pray where is his son, Jack Joyce, for none sleeps so soundly as a marine on or Jack Sheavehole?' says he. He left duty. But I ain't got time to overhaul us three days ago,' answered Maria, 'to that consarn now; I know I laid in a join his ship: I hope nothing has hapstock of hard-and-fast' enough to last | pened to him?'-Indeed,' says for a three weeks' cruise. Well, ship- serjeant. 'Now, pretty as you are, I mates, we keeps the game alive all hot know that you are telling me what I and warm, and we sported our best duds, should call a very considerable—” and I makes love to Susan, and we'd a Suke shrieked out, and stopped regular new fit-out at the cottage, and I what he was going to say: for, leaves fifty pounds in the hands of the shipmates, she sat so quiet, that thinks Í parson o' the parish for the ould folks, and to myself, they'll find out that she's everything went on, in prime style, when shamming; so I gives her a smart pinch one day the landlord of the public comes in an inexpressible part, that made her in, and says he, 'Jack, the lobsters are sing out. Well, the long and the short arter you.'-'Gammon!' says I; what of it, is, that the party, who were looking can them fellows want with me?'-Arn't out sharp for 'straggling money,' had a your liberty out?' says he.-' I never give grand overhaul; but the doctor would it a thought,' says I.-'Where's your not let them interfere with Susan, who, ticket?' says he. So I showed him the he declared was near her cushionmong; chit; and I'm blessed, shipmates, but it at last, being unable to find me, they had been out two days! Well, there I hauls their wind for another port. Well, was in a pretty perdiklement; and the shipmates, as soon as possible arter they landlord, says he, Jack,' says he, 'I re- were gone, why, Suke got rid of her spect you for your goodness to the ould trouble, and forth I came, as full-grown uns, though I suspects they arn't alto- and handsome a baby as ever cut a tooth. gether the cause of your losing your me- But I warn't safe yet; and so I claps a mory:' and he looks and smiles at Suke. suit of Suke's duds over my own gear, and Howsomever, the lobsters are at my being but a little chap, with some slutchhouse axing about you; and I thought ing, and letting out a reef or two here and I'd slip out and let you know, so that you there, I got my sails all snugly bent, and might have time to stow away.'clapped a cap with a thousand little frills Thanky, my hearty,' says I; 'but I'm round my face, and a straw hurricane blessed, shipmates, if I warn't dead house of a bonnet as big as a Guineaman's flabber-gasted where to find a stow-caboose over all, with a black wail hanghole, till at last I hits upon a scheme to which Susan consented! And what do you think it was, shipmates?-but you'd never guess! Why, Suke slips on a pair o' my canvass trousers and comes to an anchor in the armchair with a blanket round her, below, and I stows myself under her duds, coiling away my lower stanchions tailor-fashion; and the doctor coming in to see the ould folks, they puts him up to the trick, and so he brings up alongside of her, and they whitens her face, to make her look pale, as if she was nigh-hand kicking the bucket: and there I lay, as snug as a cockroach in a chafingmat, and in all due decency, seeing as Suke had bent my lower casings hind part afore, and there warn't a crack nor a brack in 'em. Presently in marches the ing in the brails down afore, and my What made you carry on in that fashion, | to my one; and 'Come, come, my darling,' and be d-to you!—is that all the regard says he, ‘take an honest tar for your sweetyou have for the sex?' says I.-'Would you like to go inside, ma'am?' says he, opening the gangway port.-'Not a bit of it,' says I 'stow your damaged slops below, but give me a berth 'pon deck.''Very good, ma'am, says he, shutting the gangway port again: 'will you allow me to assist you up? Not by no manner o' means,' says I. 'Why, what the devil do you take me for! to think the captain of a frigate's maintop can't find his way aloft!'-'You mean the captain of the maintop's wife,' says Susan, paying me back the pinch I gave her.-'Ay, ay, my precious,' says I; 'so I do, to be sure. God bless you! good-bye! Here I go like seven bells half struck!-carry on, my boy, and I'm blessed if it shan't be a shiner in your way!' And so we takes our berths, and away we made sail, happygo-lucky, heaving to now and then just to take in a sea-stock; and the governor had two eyes in his head, and so he finds out the latitude of the thing, but he says nothing; and we got safe through the barrier and into Portsmouth, and I lands in the street afore they reached the inn, -for, thinks I to myself, I'd better get berthed for the night and go aboard in the morning. Well, shipmates, I parts company with the craft, and shapes my course for Pint,-'cause I knew a snug corner in Capstan-square, and I was determined to cut with all skylarks, in regard o' Suke. Well, just as I was getting to steer with a small helm, up ranges a tall man who had seen me come ashore from the coach, and 'My dear,' says he, what! just fresh from the country?' But I houlds my tongue, shipmates, and he pulls up alongside and grabs my arm. Come, don't be cross,' says he; 'let me take you in tow; I want to talk with you, my love.' I knew the voice well; and though he had a pea jacket over his uniform-coat, and, take him half way up a hatchway, he was a d-good-looking fellow, yet nobody as ever had seen him could forget them 'trap-stick legs; and so, thinks I to myself, Jack, you'd better shove your boat off without delay: for, d'ye see, shipmates, I'd sailed with him when I was a mizen-top-mun in the ould Stay, and I well remembered Sir Joseph Y-ke. But I'm blessed if he didn't stretch out arter me, and sailed two foot heart. Let's look at that beautiful ance and hearing your name?' 'I'm Jack Sheavehole, yer honour,' says I, 'captain o' the Tapsickoree's maintop, as yer honour well knows.'-'I do, my man,' says he with a gravedigger's grin on his countenance: 'and so you want to desart?'' Never, yer honour,' says I, 'in the regard o' my liking my ship and my captain too well.'- No, no, B-n,' says Sir Joseph, 'I must do him justice. It appears that he had long leave, and onknowingly over stayed his time; so he rigged himself out in angel's gear to cheat them devils of sodgers. I'll vouch for the fact-Bn,' says he, for I saw him myself get down from the coach-.- All fresh from the country, yer honour,'says I. Ay, all fresh from the country,' chimes in Sir Joseph. 'He's an ould shipmate o' mine, B-n, and I want you as a personal favour to myself, to back his liberty-ticket for to-morrow. Such a lad as this would never desart the sarvice.' 'If I would, then I'm d-! saving yer honour's presence,' says I. Well, shipmates, there I stood in the broad light and all the ladies and gemmen staring at me like fun; and Come, B-n,' says Sir Joseph, 'extend his liberty till to-morrow.' 'Where's your ticket?' axes the skipper: and so, in regard of its being in my trousers pocket I hauls up my petticoats to get at it; and, my eyes, but the women set up a screeching, and the officers burst out into a broadside o' laughing, and you never heard such a bobbery as they kicked up-it was a downright reg'lar squall." Ay, squall indeed," said the captain of the forecastle; "here it comes with a vengeance!" he bellowed out with stentorian lungs. "Hard up with the helm -hard a-weather." In an instant the sea was one sheet of foam; the wind came whistling like the rustling of ten thousand arrows in their swiftest flight; a report like the discharge of a heavy piece of artillery was heard forward, and away flew the jib like a fleecy cloud to leeward. The frigate heeled over, carrying everybody and everything into the lee scuppers; the lightning hissed and cracked as it exploded between the masts, making everything tremble from the keel to the truck; broad sheets of water were lifted up and dashed over the decks fore and aft indeed, it seemed as if the gale were striving to raise the ponderous vessel from the ocean for the purpose of plung ing it into the dark abyss; a thick mistlike shroud hung round her, alow and aloft, as she struggled to lift herself against the tempest. The topsail halliards were let go; but the nearly horizontal position of the masts prevented the sails from running down. Inevitable destruction for the moment threatened to engulf them all, when "crack, crack, crack !” away went the topmasts over the side ; the spanker sheet had been cut away, and off bounced the spanker after the jib. The frigate partially righted, and Lord Eustace and his officers rushed to the deck. But the squall had passed: the moon again shone beautifully clear; the deceitful sky and still more deceitful ocean were all smiles, as if nothing had happened-though the evidences of their wrath were but too apparent in the dismantled state of his Majesty's ship. But we must again leave them, as we did before, to "Call all hands to clear the wreck." COLONEL CRICKLEY'S HORSE. I have never been able to ascertain the origin of the quarrel between Crickley's and the Drakes. They had lived within a mile of each other in Illinois, for five years, and from the first of their acquaintance, there had been a mutual feeling of dislike between the two families. Then some misunderstanding about the boundary of their respective farms revealed the latent flame; and Col. Crickley, having followed a fat buck all one afternoon and wounded him, came up to him and found old Drake and his sons cutting him up. This incident added fuel to the fire, and from that time there was nothing the two families did not do to annoy each other. They shot each other's ducks in the river, purposely mistaking them for wild ones; and then by way of retaliation, commenced killing off each other's pigs and calves. One evening Mr. Drake the elder was returning home with his pocket full of rocks, from Chicago, whither he had been to dispose of a load of grain. Sam Barston was with him on the astonished. The Colonel waggon, and as they approached the grove | Sam was Drake stared at his rifle with a face black as Othello's. is. " The horse was standing under some trees, about twelve rods from the road. Involuntarily, Drake stopped his team. He glanced furtively around, then with a queer smile the old hunter took up his rifle from the bottom of the waggon and raising it to his shoulder, drew a sight on the Colonel's horse. "Beautiful!" muttered Drake, lowering his rifle with the air of a man resisting a powerful temptation. "I could drop old roan so easy. Shoot," suggested Sam Barston, who loved fun in any shape. "No, no, 'twouldn't do," said the old hunter, glancing cautiously around him. again. "I won't tell," said Sam. "Wal, I won't shoot this time any way tell or no tell. If he was fifty rods off instead of twelve, so there'd be a bare possibility of mistaking him for a deer, I'd let fly. As it is I'd give the Colonel five dollars for a shot." At that moment the Colonel himself stepped from behind a big oak not half a dozen paces distant, and stood before Mr. Drake. "Well, why don't you shoot?" The old man stammered in some confusion-"That you, Colonel? I-I was tempted to, I declare! And as I said I'll give five dollars for one pull." "What's the matter with you, hey? First time you ever sarved me quite such a trick, I swan!" And Drake loaded the piece with great wrath and indignation. 'People said you'd lost your track of shooting," observed the Colonel in a cutting tone of satire. "Who said so? It's a lie!" thundered Drake. "I can shoot-a horse at ten rods! Ha! Ha!" Drake was livid. "Look yere, Colonel, I can't stand that!" he began. "Never mind, the horse can," sneered the Colonel. "I'll risk you." Grinding his teeth, Drake produced another ten dollar bill. "Here!" he growled, "I'm bound to have another shot, any way." "Crack away!" cried the Colonel, pocketing the note. Drake did crack away-with deadly aim, too-but the horse did not mind the bullet in the least. To the rage and unutterable astonishment of the hunter old roan looked him right in the face as if he rather liked the fun. "Drake,"cried Sam, "you're drunk! A horse at a dozen rods-oh, my eye!" "Just you shut your mouth or I'll shoot you!" thundered the excited Drake. "The bullet was hollow, I'll swear. The man lies who says I can't shoot! Last week I cut off a goose's head at fifty rods, and kin dew it again. By the Lord Harry Colonel, you can laugh, but I'll bet now Drake felt of his rifle, and looked at old thirty dollars I can bring down old roan "Say ten, and it's a bargain!" roan. "How much is the hoss wuth?" he muttered in Sam's ear. "About fifty." "Gad, Colonel, I'll do it." The Colonel pocketed it, muttering"Hanged, if I thought you'd take me up!" With high glee, the old hunter put a fresh cap on his rifle, stood up in his waggon, and drew a close sight on old roan. Sam Barston chuckled. The Colonel put his hand before his face and chuckled too. Crack! went the rifle. The hunter tore out a horrid oath, which I will not repeat. at one shot. Sam on the bottom of the waggon. Barston was too much frightened to laugh. Meanwhile the gratified Colonel was rolling on the ground convulsed with mirth, and old roan was standing undisturbed under the trees. When Drake reached home, his two sons, discovering his ill humor and the mutilated condition of his rifle stock, hastened to arouse his spirit with a piece of news which they were sure would make him dance for joy. "Clear out," growled the angry old man. "I don't want to hear any news: get away or I shall knock one of you down." "But, father, it's such a trick!" "On the Colonel?" Beginning to be interested. "Gad! if you've played the Colonel a trick let's hear it." "True, sir, true." HOW THE BABY CAME. I. THE HAPPY FATHER'S THEORY. [Some years ago, DAVID BARKER, a poet from the State of Maine, inspired by the joys of paternity, wrote and published the following poem, in which he advanced a theory about babies which, if true, would convict St. Peter of negligence in the discharge of his duties as Celestial Warden.] One night, as old St. Peter slept, He left the door of Heaven ajar, One summer, as the blessed beams Of morn approached, my blushing bride Awakened from some pleasing dreams, And found that angel by her side. God grant but this-I ask no more That when he leaves this world of pain, He'll wing his flight to that bright shore, And find the road to Heaven again. II. ST. PETER'S REPLY. Devil!-Devil!" groaned the hunter. "And then," pursued Jed, confident that the joke part of the story must please his father, "Jim and I propped the horse up and tied his head back with a cord, and left him standing under the trees exactly had been done St. Peter, by a brother-poet, wrote the as if he was alive." "Ha! Ha! Fancy the Colonel going to catch him! Ho! ho! ho!-wasn't it a joke?" Old Drake's head fell upon his breast. He felt of his empty pocketbook, and looked at his broken rifle. Then in a rueful tone he whispered to the boys, "It is a joke! But if you ever tell of it, or if you do to Sam Barston-I'll skin you alive! By Lord Harry, boys, I've been shooting at that dead horse half an hour, at ten dollars a shot!" At that moment Sam fell into the gutter. Jed dragged him out insensible. Sam had laughed himself almost to death. HENRY HOWARD PAUL. [JOHN G. SAXE (it is said), believing that injustice following as the saint's reply.] |