"First let me say my catechism
Which my poor mother taught to me."
"Make haste! make haste!" says guzzling Jimmy, While Jack pulled out his snickersnee.
Billy went up to the main-top-gallant mast,
And down he fell on his bended knee,
He scarce had come to the Twelfth Commandment
When up he jumps-" There's land I see!
"Jerusalem and Madagascar
And North and South Amerikee,
There's the British flag a-riding at anchor,
With Admiral Napier, K. C. B."
So when they got aboard of the Admiral's,
He hanged fat Jack and flogged Jimmee,
But as for little Bill he made him
The Captain of a Seventy-three.
WILLIAM MAKEPEACE THACKERAY.
Or all the ships upon the blue,
No ship contained a better crew
Than that of worthy Captain Reece,
Commanding of The Mantelpiece.
* Containing the germs of Gilbert's two famous comic operas," H. M. S. Pinafore," with its amiable captain, cheerful crew, and the "sisters and the cousins and the aunts," and "The Pirates of Penzance, or the Slave of Duty."
He was adored by all his men,
For worthy Captain Reece, R. N.,
Did all that lay within him to
Promote the comfort of his crew.
If ever they were dull or sad,
Their captain danced to them like mad,
Or told, to make the time pass by,
Droll legends of his infancy.
A feather-bed had every man,
Warm slippers and hot-water can,
Brown windsor from the captain's store,
A valet, too, to every four.
Did they with thirst in summer burn,
Lo, seltzogenes at every turn,
And on all very sultry days
Cream ices handed round on trays.
Then currant wine and ginger pops
Stood handily on all the "tops: "
And, also, with amusement rife,
A "Zoetrope, or Wheel of Life."
New volumes came across the sea
From Mister Mudie's libraree;
The Times and Saturday Review
Beguiled the leisure of the crew.
Kind-hearted Captain Reece, R. N.,
Was quite devoted to his men;
In point of fact, good Captain Reece
Beatified The Mantelpiece.
One summer eve, at half past ten,
He said (addressing all his men),
"Come, tell me, please, what I can do,
To please and gratify my crew.
"By any reasonable plan
I'll make you happy if I can;
My own convenience count as nil;
It is my duty, and I will."
Then up and answered William Lee
(The kind captain's coxswain he,
A nervous, shy, low-spoken man);
He cleared his throat and thus began:
"You have a daughter, Captain Reece, Ten female cousins and a niece, A ma, if what I'm told is true,
Six sisters, and an aunt or two.
Now, somehow, sir, it seems to me, More friendly-like we all should be, If you united of 'em to
Unmarried members of the crew.
"If you'd ameliorate our life,
Let each select from them a wife;
And as for nervous me, old pal,
Give me your own enchanting gal!”
Good Captain Reece, that worthy man,
Debated on his coxswain's plan:
"I quite agree," he said, "O Bill;
It is my duty, and I will.
FOR THE TOMBSTONE ERECTED OVER THE MARQUIS
OF ANGLESEA'S LEG, LOST AT WATERLOO.
HERE rests, and let no saucy knave
Presume to sneer and laugh,
To learn that moldering in the grave
Is laid a British Calf.
For he who writes these lines is sure,
That those who read the whole
Will find such laugh was premature,
For here, too, lies a sole.
And here five little ones repose,
Twin born with other five,
Unheeded by their brother toes,
Who all are now alive.
A leg and foot to speak more plain,
Rests here of one commanding;
Who though his wits he might retain,
Lost half his understanding.
And when the guns, with thunder fraught,
Poured bullets thick as hail,
Could only in this way be taught
To give the foe leg-bail.
And now in England, just as gay
As in the battle brave,
Goes to a rout, review, or play,
With one foot in the grave.
Fortune in vain here showed her spite,
For he will still be found,
Should England's sons engage in fight,
Resolved to stand his ground.
But Fortune's pardon I must beg;
She meant not to disarm,
For when she lopped the hero's leg,
She did not seek his harm,
And but indulged a harmless whim;
Since he could walk with one,
She saw two legs were lost on him,
Who never meant to run.
RUDOLPH, professor of the headsman's trade,
Alike was famous for his arm and blade.
One day a prisoner Justice had to kill
Knelt at the block to test the artist's skill.
Bare-armed, swart-visaged, gaunt, and shaggy-
browed,
Rudolph the headsman rose above the crowd.
His falchion lightened with a sudden gleam,
As the pike's armor flashes in the stream.
He sheathed his blade; he turned as if to go;
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