"All these about the house you'll find.""Well," said the parson, "never mind; I'll manage to submit to these Luxurious superfluities. "A clergyman who does not shirk "To preach three times on Sabbath days- "These are the various wholesome ways 64 The agent said: "From what I hear, The agent answered, "Very true-. But I should not, if I were you." "Who sells this rich advowson, pray?" "A Jew?" said Simon, " happy find! ETIQUETTE. THE " Ballyshannon" foundered off the coast of Cariboo. And down in fathoms many went the captain and the crew; Down went the owners-greedy men whom hope of gain allured: Oh, dry the starting tear, for they were heavily insured. Besides the captain and the mate, the owners and the crew, The passengers were also drowned excepting only two: Young Peter Gray, who tasted teas for Baker, Croop and Co., And Somers, who from Eastern shores im ported indigo. These passengers, by reason of their clinging to a mast, The reverend gent looked grave: "Dear Upon a desert island were eventually cast. me! Then there is no 'society?' I mean, of course, no sinners there Whose souls will be my special care?" The cunning agent shook his head No, none-except"-(the agent said)— "The Duke of A., the Earl of B., The Marquis C., and Viscount D. "But you will not be quite alone, "Oh, silence, sir!" said Simon M., These worldly ranks I scorn and flout!" "Of course," the agent said, "no doubt!" "Yet I might show these men of birth The hollowness of rank on earth." VOL. III.-W. H. They hunted for their meals, as Alexander Selkirk used, But they couldn't chat together-they had not been introduced. How they wished an introduction to each They lived for many years on that inhos other they had had When on board the "Ballyshannon!" it drove them nearly mad And To think how very friendly with each other they might get, If it wasn't for the arbitrary rule of etiquette ! One day, when out a hunting for the mus ridiculus, Gray overheard his fellow-man soliloquizing thus: "I wonder how the playmates of my youth are getting on, McConnell, S. B. Walters, Paddy Biles, and Robinson?" pitable shore, And day by day they learned to love each other more and more. At last, to their astonishment, on getting up one day, They saw a frigate anchored in the offing of To So the bay. And Somers thought a minute, then ejaculated, "Done! I wonder how my business in the city's getting on?" And Mr. Somers' turtle was at Peter's service 'Twas Robinson-a convict, in an unbecoming frock! ating stock! And Mr. Somers punished Peter's oyster-beds Condemned to seven years for misappropri quite, all night. They laughed no more, for Somers thought "I've a strange idea, each other's names he had been rather rash In knowing one whose friend had misappropriated cash; And Peter thought a foolish tack he must That we have each got on. Such things have been," said Private "They have!" sneered General John. My General John, I swear upon My oath I think 'tis so--" "Pish!" proudly sneered his General John, And he also said, "Ho! ho!" They nodded when they met, and now and" My General John! my General John ! then exchanged a word; My General John!" quoth he, The word grew rare, and rarer still the nod-"This aristocratical sneer upon ding of the head, And when they meet each other now, they cut each other dead. To allocate the island they agreed by word of mouth, And Peter takes the north again, and Somers takes the south; And Peter has the oysters, which he hates, in layers thick, And Somers has the turtle-turtle always makes him sick. GENERAL JOHN. THE bravest names for fire and flames, General John was a soldier tried, A haughty stride and a withering pride A sneer would play on his martial phiz, "Pish!" was a favorite word of his, And he often said "Ho! ho!" Full-Private James described might be, Your face I blush to see! "No truly great or generous cove Would sneer at a fixed idea that's drove Said General John, "Upon your claims "But being a man of doubtless worth, So General John as Private James And Private James, by change of names, JOHN AND FREDDY. JOHN courted lovely Mary Ann, So likewise did his brother Freddy, Young Fred had grace all men above, But John was very much the strongest. "Oh, dance," said she, "to win my loveI'll marry him who dances longest." From the ranks, one day, cried Private John tries the maiden's taste to strike "We niggers," said they, "have formed a plan By which, whenever we like, we can "Three casks, from somebody else's stores, "Great Britain's navy scours the sea, "If to her skirts you want to cling, A ship of several thousand tons, The brave Rear-Admiral Bailey Pip, Commanding that superior ship, Perceived one day, his glasses through, The kings that came from Chickeraboo. "Dear eyes!" said Admiral Pip, "I see "Come, lower the admiral's gig," he cried, "And over the dancing waves I'll glide; That low obeisance I may do To those three kings of Chickeraboo!" The admiral pulled to the islands three; "Your majesty, sign me this, I prayI come in a friendly kind of way I come, if you please, with the best intents, And Queen Victoria's compliments." The kings were pleased as they well could be: The great Rear-Admiral Bailey Pip |