it was a great Fatigue to preach twice a Day. On said the other, I preach twice every Sunday, and make nothing of it. 32. One of the foresaid Gentlemen, as was his Custom, preaching most exceedingly dull to a Congregation not used to him, many of them slunk out of the Church one after another, before the Sermon was near ended. Truly, said a Gentleman present, this learned Doctor has made a very moving Discourse. 33. Sir William Davenant, the Poet, had no Nose, who going along the Meuse one Day, a Beggar-Woman followed him, crying, ah! God preserve your Eye-Sight; Sir, the Lord preserve your Eye-Sight. Why, good woman, said he, do you pray so much for my Eye-Sight? Ah! dear Sir, answered the Woman, if it should please God that you grow dim-sighted, you have no Place to hang your Spectacles on. 34. A Welchman bragging of his Family, said, his Father's Effigies was set up in Westminster-Abbey; being ask'd whereabouts, he said, in the same Monument with Squire Thyne's, for he was his Coachman. 35. A Person was saying, not at all to the Purpose, that really Samson was a very strong Man; Ay, said another, but you are much stronger, for you make nothing of lugging him in by the Head and Shoulders. 36. My Lord Strangford, who stammer'd very much, was telling a certain Bishop that sat at his table, that Balaam's Ass spoke because he was Pri- -estPriest-rid, Sir, a Valet-de-Chambre, who stood behind his Chair, my Lord would say. No, Friend, reply'd the Bishop, Balaam could not speak himself, and so his Ass spoke for him. 37. The same noble Lord ask'd a Clergyman once, at the Bottom of his Table, why the Goose, if there was one, was always plac'd next the Parson. Really, said he, I can give no Reason for it; but your Question is so odd, that I shall never see a Goose for the future without thinking of your Lordship. 38. A Gentleman was asking another how that poor Devil S -ge could live, now my Lord T had turn'd him off. Upon his Wits said the other; That is living upon a slender Stock indeed, reply'd the First. 39. A Country Parson having divided his Text under two and twenty Heads, one VOL. III.-W. H. of the Congregation went out of the Church in a great Hurry, and being met by a Friend, he ask'd him, whither he was going? Home for my Night-Cap, answered the first, For I find we are to stay here all Night. 40. A very modest young Gentleman, of the County of Tiperary, having attempted many Ways, in vain, to acquire the Affections of a Lady of great Fortune, at last try'd what was to be done, by the Help of Musick, and therefore entertained her with a Serenade under her Window, at Midnight, but she order'd her Servants to drive him thence by throwing Stones at him; Your Musick, my Friend, said one of his Companions, is as powerful as that of Orpheus, for it draws the very Stones about you. 41. A certain Senator, who is not, it may be, esteemed the wisest Man in the House, has a frequent Custom of shaking his Head when another speaks, which giving Offence to a particular Person, he complained of the Affront; but one who had been long acquainted with him, assured the House, it was only an ill Habit he had got, for though he would oftentimes shake his Head, there was nothing in it. 42. A Gentleman having lent a Guinea, for two or three Days, to a Person whose Promises he had not much Faith in, was very much surpriz'd to find he very punctually kept his Word with him; the same Gentleman being sometime after desirous of borrowing the like Sum, No, said the other, you have deceived me once, and I am resolved you shan't do it a second Time. 43. My Lord Chief Justice Holt had sent, by his Warrant, one of the French Prophets, a foolish Sect, that started up in his Time, to Prison; upon which Mr. Lacy, one of their Followers, came one Day to my Lord's House, and desired to speak with him, the Servants told him, he was not well, and saw no Company that Day, but tell him, said Lacy, I must see him, for I come to him from the Lord God, which being told the Chief Justice, he order'd him to come in, and ask'd him his Business; I come, said he, from the Lord, who sent me to thee, and would have thee grant a Noli Prosequi for John Atkins, whom thou hast cast into Prison: Thou art a false Prophet, answered my Lord, and a lying Knave, for if the Lord 5 |