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Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-á you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.
Xost. For the which, I will be thy adversary towards Anne Page; said I well ?
Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said.
ACT III. .
Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE. Eva. I pray you now, good master Slender's serving-man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for master Caius, that calls himself Doctor of Physic?
Sim. Marry, Sir, the city-ward, the park-ward, every way; old Windsor way, and every way, but the town way.
Eva. I most fehemently desire you, you will also look that way. Sim. I will, Sir. Eva. 'Pless my soul! how full of cholers I am, and trempling of mind !-I shall be glad, if he have deceived me: how melancholies I am!-I will knog his urinals about his knave's costard, * when I have good opportunities for the 'ork :-'pless my soul !
Melodious birds sing madrigals ;-
By shallow rivers, to whose falls-
Sim. No weapons, Sir: There comes my master, master Shallow, and another gentleman from Frogmore, over the stile, this way. Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.
Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Shal. How now, master parson? Good morrow, good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful.
Slen. Ah, sweet Anne Page! Page. Save you, good Sir Hugh! * Head,
† Babylon, the first line of the 139th Psalm.
Eva. 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you !
Shal. What! the sword and the word! do you study them both, master parson?
Page. And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatic day ?
Eva. There is reasons and causes for it.
Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who belike, having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience, that ever you saw.
Shal. I have lived fourscore years and upward;. I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect.
Eva. What is he?
Page. I think you know him; master doctor Caius, the renowned French physician.
Eva. Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
Page. Why? Eva. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave, as you would desires to be acquainted withal.
Page. I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him.
Shal. It appears so, by his weapons:-Keep them asunder ;here comes doctor Caius.
Enter Host, CAIUS, and RUGBY.
Host. Disarm them, and let them question; let them keep their limbs whole, and hack our English.
Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word vit your ear: Verefore vill you not meet-a me? Eva. Pray you, use your patience: In good time. Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape. Eva. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends :- I will knog your urinals about your knave's cogscomb, for missing your meetings and appointments.
Caius. Diable !-Jack Rugby,-mine Host de Jarterre, have I not stay for him, to kill him? have I not, at de place I did appoint?
Eva. As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed; I'll be judgment by mine Host of the Garter.
Host. Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh; soul-curer and body-curer.
Caius. Ay, dat is very good ! excellent! Host. Peace, I say; hear mine Host
of the Garter. Am I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel ? Shall I lose my doctor? No; he gives me the potions and the motions. Shall I lose my parson? my priest? my Sir Hugh ? No; he gives me the proverbs and the noverbs.--Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so: --Give me thy hand, celestial; so.-Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue.-Come, lay their swords to pawn :-Follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, follow.
Shal. Trust me, a mad host :-Follow, gentlemen, follow.
[Exeunt SHAL. SLEN. PAGE, and Host. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot* of us? ha, ha!
Eva. This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog.t-I desire you, that we may be friends; and let us knog our prains together, to be revenge on this same scald, scurvy, cogging companion, the Host of the Garter.
Caius. By gar, vit all my heart; he promise to bring me vere is Anne Page: by gar, he deceive me too. Eva. Well, I will smite his noddles :-Pray you, follow.
[Exeunt. SCENE II.-The Street in Windsor.
Enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN. Mrs. Page. Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader:. Whether had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels ?
Rob. I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man, than follow him like a dwarf.
Mrs. Page. O you are a flattering boy; now, I see, you'll be a courtier.
Ford. Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want of company: I think, if your husbands were dead, you two would 'marry.
Mrs. Page. Be sure of that,-two other husbands. Ford. Where had you this pretty weather-cock ? Mrs. Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of: What do you call your knight's name, sirrah?
Rob. Sir John Falstaff. Ford. Sir John Falstaff! Mrs. Page. He, he! I can never hit on's name. There is such a league between my good man and he !-Is your wife at home, indeed ?
Ford. Indeed she is.
[Exeunt MRS. PAGE and ROBIN. Ford. Has Page any brains ? hath he any eyes ? hath he any thinking ? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty miles, as easy as a cannon will shoot point-blank twelve score. He pieces-out his wife's incli. nation; he gives her folly motion, and advantage: and now she's * Fool.
+ Flouting stock.
going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A man may hear this shower sing in the wind !-and Falstaff's boy with her! Good plots !--they are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the
borrowed veil of modesty from the so-seeming* mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and wilful Actæon; and to these violent proceedings all my neighbours shall cry aim. + [Clock strikes.] The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me search; there I shall find Falstaff:' I shall be rather praised for this, than mocked; for it is as positive as the earth is firm, that Falstaff is there: I will go. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, HOST, SIR HUGH EVANS,
CÁIUS, and RUGBY. Shal. Page, fc. Well met, master Ford.
Ford. Trust me, a good knot: I have good cheer at home; and, I pray you, all go with me.
Shal. I must excuse myself, master Ford.
Slen. And so must I, Sir; we have appointed to dine with mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I'll speak of.
Shal. We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer.
Slen. I hope I have your good-will, father Page.
Page. You have, master Slender; I stand wholly for you :-but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether.
Caius. Ay, by gar! and de maid is love-a me; my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush.
Host. What say you to young master Fenton? he capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he speaks holyday, I he smells April and May: he will carry't, he will carry't; 'tis in his buttons; he will carry't.
Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having: he kept company with the wild Prince and Poins; he is of too high a region, he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance: if he take her, let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way.
Ford. I beseech you, heartily, some of you go home with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have sport; I will show you a monster. Master doctor, you shall go ;--so shall you, master Page;-and you, Sir Hugh.
Shal. Well, fare you well:-we shall have the freer wooing at master Page's.
[Exeunt SHALLOW and SLENDER Caius. Go home, John Rugby; I come anon. [Exit RUGBY.
Host. Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with him.
[Exit Host: Ford [aside]. I think, I shall drink in pipe-wine first with him; I'll make him dance. Will you go, gentles? A1. Have with you, to see this monster.
[Exeunt. * Specious.
+ Shall encourage. # Out of the common style.
$ Not rich.
SCENE III.-A Room in Ford's House.
Enter Mrs. FORD and MRS. PAGE.
Enter Servants with a basket.
Mrs. Ford. Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brewhouse; and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and (without any pause, or staggering) take this basket on your shoulders : that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters* in Datchet mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch, close by the Thames side.
Mrs. Page. You will do it?
Mrs. Ford. I have told them over and over; they lack no direction: Begone, and come when you are called.
[Exeunt Servants. Mrs. Page. Here comes little Robin.
Enter ROBIN. Mrs. Ford. How now, my eyas-musket ?t what news with you?
Rob. My master Sir John is come in at your back-door, mistress Ford; and requests your company.
Mrs. Page. You little Jack-a-lent,I have you been true to us?
Rob. Ay, I'll be sworn: My master knows not of your being here, and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell you of it; for he swears he'll turn me away.
Mrs. Page. Thou’rt a good boy; this secrecy of thine shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet and hose. I'll go hide me.
Mrs. Ford. Do so:-Go, tell thy master I am alone. Mistress Page, remember you your cue.
[Exit ROBIN. Mrs. Page. I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me.
[Exit MRS. PAGE. Mrs. Ford. Go to, then; we'll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross watery pumpion ;-we'll teach him to know turtles
Enter FALSTAFF. Fal. Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough; this is the period of my ambition: 0 this blessed hour !
Mrs. Ford. O sweet Sir John.
Fal. Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would thy husband were dead: I'll speak it before the best lord, I would make thee my lady.
* Bleachers of linen.
† A young small hawk. # A puppet thrown at in Lent, like shrove-cocks.