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Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come,
Mrs. Page. That likewise have we thought upon, and thus:
Mrs. Ford. And, till he tell the truth,
Mrs. Page. The truth being known,
Ford. The children must
Eva. I will teach the children their behaviours; and I will be like a jack-an-apes also, to burn the knight with my taber.
Ford. That will be excellent. I'll go buy them vizards. Mrs. Page. My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies, Finely attired in a robe of white.
Page. That silk will I go buy ;-and in that time Shall master Slender steal my Nan
[Aside, And marry her at Eton.- Go, send to Falstaff straight.
Ford. Nay, I'll to him again in name of Brook; He'll tell me all his purpose: Sure, he'll come.
Mrs. Page. Fear not you that: Go, get us properties, And tricking for our fairies.
Eva. Let us about it. It is admirable pleasures, and fery honest knaveries.
[Exeunt PAGE, FORD, and EVANS, Mrs. Page. Go, mistress Ford, Send quickly to Sir John, to know his mind. [Exit Mrs. FORD. I'll to the doctor; he hath my good will, And none but he, to marry with Nan Page. That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot ; And he my husband best of all affects : The doctor is well money'd, and his friends Potent at court; he, none but he, shall have her, Though twenty thousand worthier come to cravé her. [Exit, * El, hobgoblin. † Wild, discordant,
# Soundy. Necessaries.
SCENE V.-A Room in the Garter Inn.
Enter Host and SIMPLE. Host. What wouldst thou have, boor? what, thick-skin ? speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap,
Sim. Marry, Sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff from master Slender.
Host. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his standingbed, and truckle-bed; 'tis painted about with the story of the prodigal, fresh and new: Go, knock and call; he'll speak like an Anthropophaginian* unto thee: Knock, I say.
Sim. There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his chamber; I'll be so bold as stay, Sir, till she come down: I come to speak with her, indeed.
Host. Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be robbed: I'll call. -Bully knight! Bully Sir John! speak from thy lungs military: Art thou there? it is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls.
Fal. [above]. How now, mine host?
Host. Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of thy fat woman: let her descend, bully, let her descend; my chambers are honourable: Fye! privacy ? fye!
Enter FALSTAFF. Fal. There was, mine host, an old fat woman even now with me; but she's gone.
Sim. Pray you, Sir, was't not the wiset woman of Brentford ? Fal. Ay, marry, was it, muscle-shell; What would you with her ?
Sim. My master, Sir, master Slender, sent to her, seeing her go through the streets, to know, Sir, whether one Nym, Sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the chain, or no. Fal. I spake with the old
woman about it. Sim. And what says she, I pray, Sir ?
Fal. Marry, she says, that the very same man, that beguiled master Slender of his chain, cozened him
of it. Sim. I would I could have spoken with the woman herself; I had other things to have spoken with her, too, from him. Fal. What are they? let us know. Host. Ay, come; quick. Sim. I may not conceal them, Sir. Fal. Conceal them, or thou díest.
Sim. Why, Sir, they were nothing but about mistress Anne Page; to know, if it were my master's fortune to have her, or no.
Fal. "Tis, 'tis his fortune.
Sim. I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad with these tidings.
[Exit SIMPLE. + A cunning woman, a fortune teller.
# A cannibal.
Host. Thou art clerkly," thou art clerkly, Sir John: Was there a wise woman with thee?
Fal. Ay, that there was, mine host; one, that hath taught me more wit than ever I learned before in my life: and I paid nothing for it, neither, but was paid for my learning.
Bard. Run away with the cozeners: for so soon as I came beyond Eton, they threw me off from behind one of them, in a slough of mire; and set spurs, and away, like three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses.
Host. They are gone but to meet the duke, villain : do not say, they be fled ;-Germans are honest men.
Enter SIR HUGH EVANS.
Eva. Have a care of your entertainments: there is a friend of mine come to town, tells me, there is three couzin germans, that has cozened all the hosts of 'Readings, of Maidenhead, of 'Colebrook, of horses and money. I tell you for good-will, look you: you are wise, and full of gibes and vlouting-stogs; and 'tis not convenient you should be cozened: Fare you well. [Exit.
Enter DOCTOR CAIUS. Caius. Vere is mine Host de Jarterre ? Host. Here, master doctor, in perplexity, and doubtful dilemma.
Caius. I cannot tell vat 'is dat: but it is tell-a me, dat you make grand preparation for a duke de Jarmany : by my trot, dere is no duke, dat the court is know to come; I tell you for good vill: adieu.
[Exit. Host. Hue and cry, villain, go :-assist me, knight; I am undone :-fly, run, hue and cry, villain ! I am undone !
[Exeunt Host and BARDOLPH. Fal. I would, all the world might be cozened; for I have been cozened and beaten too. If it should come to the ear of the court, how I have been transformed, and how my transformation hath been washed and cudgelled, they would melt me out of my fat, drop by drop, and liquor fishermen's boots with me; I warrant, they would whip me with their fine wits, till I were as crestfallen as a dried pear. I never prospered since I forswore my. self at Primero.f Well, if my wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent.
Enter MRS. QUICKLY. Now! whence come you?
Quick. From the two parties, forsooth.
Fal. The devil take one party and his dam the other, and so they shall be both bestowed ! I have suffered more for their sakes, * Scholar-like.
† A game at cards.
more than the villanous inconstancy of man's disposition is able to bear.
Quick. And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them ; mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her.
Fal. What tell'st thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow, and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford; but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, delivered me, the knave constable had set me i'the stocks, i'the common stocks, for a witch.
Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you shall hear how things go; and I warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is to bring you together! Sure one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed. Fal. Come up into my chamber.
[Exeunt. SCENE VI.- Another Room in the Garter Inn.
Enter FENTON and Host. Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is heavy, 1 will give
over all. Fent. Yet hear me speak: Assist me in my purpose, * And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee A hundred pound in gold, more than your loss.
Host. I will hear you, master Fenton; and I will, at the least, keep your counsel.
Fent. From time to time I have acquainted you
* In the letter.
Straight marry her: to this her mother's plot
Host. Which means she to deceive? father or mother?
Fent. Both, my good host, to go along with me:
Host. Well, husband your device; I'll to the vicar:
Fent. So shall I evermore be bound to thee; Besides, I'll make a present recompense.
Enter FALSTAFF and MRS. QUICKLY. Fal. Prythee, no more prattling ;-go. I'll hold:† This is the third time; I hope, good luck lies in odd numbers, Away, go; they say there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death.-Away.
Quick. I'll provide you a chain; and I'll do what I can to get you a pair of horns. Fal. Away, I say; time wears: hold up your head, and mince
[Exit MRS. QUICKLY.
Enter FORD. How now, master Brook? Master Brook, the matter will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the Park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you shall see wonders.
Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, Sir, as you told me you had appointed ?
Fal. I went to her, master Brook, as you see, like a poor old man: but I came from her, master Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave, Ford, her husband, hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, master Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell * Fantastically.
+ Keep to the time.