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THE YORKSHIREMAN AND HIS FAMILY.-ANON.
SEATED one day inside the Leeds mail, a Yorkshireman came up and saluted the guard of the coach, with, I
Mr. Guard, have you a gentleman for Lunnun in coach ?" "How should I know ?" said the guard. “Well,” said he, ganging about four miles whoam, and I'll gang inside, if you please, and then I can find him out mysen.” On being admitted into the coach, when seated, he addressed himself to the gentleman opposite, and said, “Pray, sir, arn't you for Lunnun?" "Yes," said the gentleman. “Pray, sir, arn't you summut at singing line ?" "What makes you ask ?" said the gentleman. “ I hope ne defence,” said he,“ only, sir, you mun know I'm building a mill, and in about three weeks I wants to have a sort of a house warming; and, as we are very musical in our parts,-I plays the fiddle at church mysen, and my brother plays on a great long thing like a horse's leg, painted, with a bit of brass crook stuck in the end, and puffs away like a pig in a fit; and as we have a vast of music meetings in our parts, I should like to open my mill with a rory tory, and wanted to ax you to come and sing at it.” He then related a family anecdote :_“You mun know, sir,
father died all on a sudden like, and never give anybody notice he wur going to die, but he left his family in complete profusion ; and when I found he wur dead, as I wur the oldest son, I thought I'd a right to all the money. I told neighbor so, but he said, that tho' I wur the eldest son, I had no right to all the brass; but I said, I wur not only the eldest, but that I wur the handsomest into the bargain, for you never seed five such ugly, carrotty-headed things among any litter of pigs, as my five brothers and sisters. So when I found they wanted to cheat me out of my intarnel estate, I determined to take the law at the top of the regicides !” “And you applied to counsel no doubt," said the gentleman. “Na, I didn't," said he, "for I don't know him, I went to one Lawyer Lattitat and paid him six and eight pence, all in good half
pence, and he wrote me down my destructions." The gentle man read his destructions, as he called them, which were as follows: “ You must go to the Temple, apply to a civilian, and tell him that your father died intestate, or without a will, that he has left five children, all infantine, besides yourself; and that you wish to know if you can't be his'executor." Well, what did you do?" said the gentleman. “Why, sir," said he, “ I went to the Temple, and I knocked at the door, and the gentleman cum'd out himsen; and I said · Pray, sir, arn't you a silly rilluin ?' and he ax'd me if I cum'd to insult him; and I said, why, yes, I partly cum'd on purpose: I cum'd to insult you to know what I am to do, for my father died detested and against his will, and left five young infulels besides mysen, and I am cum'd to know if I can't be his executioner."
THE FARMERS BLUNDER.--ANON.
A FARMER once to London went,
I 'ze use to make --and 'tis no wonder,-In word or deed, some plag'y blunder; Zo, if your honor will permit, I'll with your zarvants pick a bit.” “Poh !” says the squire, “ it shan't be done ;" And to the parlor pushed him on. And to all around he nods and scrapes ; Not waiting-maid or butler 'scapes ; With often bidding takes his seat, But at a distance mighty great. Though often asked to draw his chair, He nods, nor comes an inch more near. By madam served, with body bended, With knife and fork and arms extended, He reached as far as he was able To plate, that overhangs the table; With little morsels cheats his chops, And in the passage some he drops. To show where most his heart inclined, He talked and drank to John behind. When drank to, in a modish way, “ Your love's sufficient, zur,” he'd say: And, to be thought a man of manners, Still rose to make his awkward honors. “ Tush !” said the squire ;“ pray keep your sitting !" “No, no,” he cries, “ zur, 't is not fitting : Though I'm no scholar, versed in letters, I knows my duty to my betters.” Much mirth the farmer's ways afford, And hearty laughs went round the board. Thus, the first course was ended well But at the next-ah! what befell? The dishes were now timely placed, And table with fresh lux'ry graced. When drank to by a neighboring charmer, Up, as usual, starts the farmer.
A wag, to carry on the joke,
see." “ Peace, brute, begone!" the ladies cry;
The beaux exclaim, “ Fly, rascal, fly !" “I'll tear his eyes out !" squeaks Miss Dolly ; • I'll knock his head off!" roars a bully. At this, the farmer shrinks with fear, And thinking 't was ill tarrying here, Runs off, and cries, " Ah, kill me, then, When 'er you catch me here again !"
ADDRESS TO A DUCHESS.-T. H. BAYLEY
Dear Dowager Duchess ! though treble my age,
when your jointure I see, Your grace appears one of the graces to me!
For misses not out of their teens I have sighed,
Your lip is no ruby, no diamond your eye,
No rose is your cheek, and no lily your neck,
That tell-tale, the peerage, your age may betray;
THE JUSTE MILIEU.-ANON.
A Banker there is in Baltimore,