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SEATED one day inside the Leeds mail, a Yorkshireman came up and saluted the guard of the coach, with, I


Mr. Guard, have you a gentleman for Lunnun in coach ?" "How should I know ?" said the guard. “Well,” said he, ganging about four miles whoam, and I'll gang inside, if you please, and then I can find him out mysen.” On being admitted into the coach, when seated, he addressed himself to the gentleman opposite, and said, “Pray, sir, arn't you for Lunnun?" "Yes," said the gentleman. “Pray, sir, arn't you summut at singing line ?" "What makes you ask ?" said the gentleman. “ I hope ne defence,” said he,“ only, sir, you mun know I'm building a mill, and in about three weeks I wants to have a sort of a house warming; and, as we are very musical in our parts,-I plays the fiddle at church mysen, and my brother plays on a great long thing like a horse's leg, painted, with a bit of brass crook stuck in the end, and puffs away like a pig in a fit; and as we have a vast of music meetings in our parts, I should like to open my mill with a rory tory, and wanted to ax you to come and sing at it.” He then related a family anecdote :_“You mun know, sir,

father died all on a sudden like, and never give anybody notice he wur going to die, but he left his family in complete profusion ; and when I found he wur dead, as I wur the oldest son, I thought I'd a right to all the money. I told neighbor so, but he said, that tho' I wur the eldest son, I had no right to all the brass; but I said, I wur not only the eldest, but that I wur the handsomest into the bargain, for you never seed five such ugly, carrotty-headed things among any litter of pigs, as my five brothers and sisters. So when I found they wanted to cheat me out of my intarnel estate, I determined to take the law at the top of the regicides !” “And you applied to counsel no doubt," said the gentleman. “Na, I didn't," said he, "for I don't know him, I went to one Lawyer Lattitat and paid him six and eight pence, all in good half

that my


pence, and he wrote me down my destructions." The gentle man read his destructions, as he called them, which were as follows: “ You must go to the Temple, apply to a civilian, and tell him that your father died intestate, or without a will, that he has left five children, all infantine, besides yourself; and that you wish to know if you can't be his'executor." Well, what did you do?" said the gentleman. “Why, sir," said he, “ I went to the Temple, and I knocked at the door, and the gentleman cum'd out himsen; and I said · Pray, sir, arn't you a silly rilluin ?' and he ax'd me if I cum'd to insult him; and I said, why, yes, I partly cum'd on purpose: I cum'd to insult you to know what I am to do, for my father died detested and against his will, and left five young infulels besides mysen, and I am cum'd to know if I can't be his executioner."


A FARMER once to London went,
To pay the worthy squire his rent.
He comes, he knocks; soon entrance gains,-
Who at the door such guests detains ?
Forth struts the squire, exceeding smart-
- Farmer, you 're welcome to my heart;
You've brought my rent, then, to a hair!
The best of tenants, I declare !"
The steward 's called, the accounts made even ;
The money paid, the receipt was given.
“ Well," said the squire, “ now, you shall stay,
And dine with me, old friend, to-day;
I've here some ladies, wondrous pretty,
And pleasant sparks, too, who will fit ye.”
Hob scratched his ears, and held bis hat,
And said--- No zur; two words to that;
For look, d’ye zee, when I 'ze to dine
With gentlefolks, zo cruel fine,

I 'ze use to make --and 'tis no wonder,-In word or deed, some plag'y blunder; Zo, if your honor will permit, I'll with your zarvants pick a bit.” “Poh !” says the squire, “ it shan't be done ;" And to the parlor pushed him on. And to all around he nods and scrapes ; Not waiting-maid or butler 'scapes ; With often bidding takes his seat, But at a distance mighty great. Though often asked to draw his chair, He nods, nor comes an inch more near. By madam served, with body bended, With knife and fork and arms extended, He reached as far as he was able To plate, that overhangs the table; With little morsels cheats his chops, And in the passage some he drops. To show where most his heart inclined, He talked and drank to John behind. When drank to, in a modish way, “ Your love's sufficient, zur,” he'd say: And, to be thought a man of manners, Still rose to make his awkward honors. “ Tush !” said the squire ;“ pray keep your sitting !" “No, no,” he cries, “ zur, 't is not fitting : Though I'm no scholar, versed in letters, I knows my duty to my betters.” Much mirth the farmer's ways afford, And hearty laughs went round the board. Thus, the first course was ended well But at the next-ah! what befell? The dishes were now timely placed, And table with fresh lux'ry graced. When drank to by a neighboring charmer, Up, as usual, starts the farmer.

A wag, to carry on the joke,
Thus to his servant softly spoke :-
Come hither, Dick; step gently there,
And pull away the farmer's chair.''
?Tis done; his congée made, the clown
Draws back, and stoops to sit him down;
But, by position overweighed,
And off his trusty seat betrayed,
As men, at twigs, in rivers sprawling,
He caught the cloth to save his falling;
In vain !--sad fortune! down he wallowed,
And, rattling, all the dishes followed :
The fops soon lost their little wits;
The ladies squalled-some fell in fits ;
Here tumbled turkeys, tarts, and widgeons,
And there, minced pies, and geese, and pigeons ;
Lor! what a do 'twixt belles and beaux-!
Some curse, some cry, and rub their clothes !
This lady raves, and that looks down,
And weeps, and wails her spattered gown.
One spark bemoans his greased waistcoat,
One—“ Rot him ! he has spoiled my laced-coat !”
Amidst the rout, the farmer long
Some pudding sucked, and held his tongue;
At length, rubs his eyes, nostrils twang,
Then snaps his fingers, and thus began :
“Plague tak’t ! L'ze tell you how 'd 't would be;
Look! here's a pickle, zurs,


see." “ Peace, brute, begone!" the ladies cry;

The beaux exclaim, “ Fly, rascal, fly !" “I'll tear his eyes out !" squeaks Miss Dolly ; • I'll knock his head off!" roars a bully. At this, the farmer shrinks with fear, And thinking 't was ill tarrying here, Runs off, and cries, " Ah, kill me, then, When 'er you catch me here again !"



Dear Dowager Duchess ! though treble my age,
There's a pain in my heart you alone can assuage.
And, poor as


when your jointure I see, Your grace appears one of the graces to me!

For misses not out of their teens I have sighed,
But a pauper must not wed a penniless bride ;
And prudence has whisper'd, “ Mind what you're about;
Say your grace before dinner, or else go without !!!

Your lip is no ruby, no diamond your eye,
But diamonds and rubies in plenty we 'll buy;
No pearls are your teeth, yet in pearls you shall shine,
And I'll call you my mother of pearl, when you 're mine.

No rose is your cheek, and no lily your neck,
Yet your wig with the lily and rose we will deck;
An attachment like mine well deserves a reward,
Though there's “Captain half-pay unattached” on my card.

That tell-tale, the peerage, your age may betray;
Yet, if people blame, you ne'er heed what they say;
For when your young husband is seen with his bride,
At least they must own you have youth on your sidle !
Some will say it is strange that a youth should be struck
By a belle so mature, -oh! they envy my luck,
For my choice ten thousand good reasons appear,
Ten thousand ! nay more-I've ten thousand a year !


A Banker there is in Baltimore,
The shrewdest fellow along the shore;

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