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Old F. Well said, my boy! well said ! You make me happy indeed. (Patting him on the shoulder.) Now then, my dear Tristram, let me know what you really mean to do.
Tri. To study the law-
Tri. I am most resolutely bent on following that profession.
Old F. No!
Old F. Better and better; I am overjoyed. Why 't is the very thing I wished. Now I am happy. (Tristram makes gestures as if speaking.) See how his mind is engaged !
Tri. Gentlemen of the jury-
Old F. Oh, my dear boy ! I forgive you all your tricks. . I see something about you now that I can depend upon. (Tristram continues making gestures.)
Tri. I am for the plaintiff in this cause
Old F. Bravo ! bravo ! excellent boy! I'll go and order your books directly.
Tri. 'T is done, sir.
Tri. I ordered twelve square feet of books, when I first thought of embracing the arduous profession of the law.
Old F. What, do you mean to read by the foot ?
Tri. By the foot, sir; that is the only way to become a solid lawyer.
Old F. Twelve square feet of learning !-Well-
Old F. A barber !—What! is he to teach you to shave close ?
Tri. He is to shave one half of my head, sir.
Old F. You will excuse me, if I cannot perfectly understand what that has to do with the study of the law.
Tri. Did you never hear of Demosthenes, sir, the Athenian orator? He had half his head shaved, and locked himself up in a coal-cellar. Old F. Ah ! he was perfectly right to lock himself up,
after having undergone such an operation as that. He certainly would have made rather an odd figure abroad.
Tri. I think I see him now, awakening the dormant patriot: ism of his countrymen-lightning in his eye, and thunder in his voice—he pours forth a torrent of eloquence, resistless in its force,-the throne of Philip trembles while he speaks-he denounces, and indignation fills the bosoms of his hearershe exposes the impending danger, and every one sees impend. ing ruin—he threatens the tyrant, they grasp their swordshe calls for vengeance, their thirsty weapons glitter in the air, and thousands reverberate the cry. One soul animates a nation, and that soul is the soul of an orator.
Old F. Oh! what a figure he 'll make in the King's Bench ! But come, I will tell you now what my plan is, and then you will see how happy this determination of yours will further it.—You have (Tristram makes extravagant gestures as if speaking) often heard me speak of my friend Briefwit the barrister
Tri. Who is against me in this cause-
Old F. Bless me! he does n't hear a word I say !—Why, Tristram !
Tri. I beg your pardon, sir; I was prosecuting my studies. Old F. Now attend
Tri. As my learned friend observes,-go on, sir, I am all attention.
Old F. Well-my friend, the counsellor
Tri. Say my learned friend, if you please, sir. We gentle. men of the law always
Old. F. Well, well, my learned friend-
Old F. My friend, I say, has a ward, who is very handsome, and who has a very handsome fortune. She would make you a charming wife.
Tri. This is an action
Old F. Now, I have hitherto been afraid to introduce you to my friend, the barrister, because I thought your lightness and his gravity
Tri. Might be plaintiff and defendant.
Old F. But now you are grown serious and steady, and have resolved to pursue his profession, I will shortly bring you together: you will obtain his good opinion, and all the rest follows, of course.
Tri. A verdict in my favor.
Old F. Bravo! ha, ha, ha! But now run to your study run to your study, my dear Tristram, and I'll go and call upon the counsellor.
Tri. I remove by habeas corpus.
Old F. Pray, have the goodness to make haste, then. (Hurrying him off.)
Tri. Gentlemen of the jury, this is a cause—(Old Fickle pushes him off)
Old F. The inimitable boy! I am now the happiest father living. What genius he has ! He'll be lord chancellor, one day or other, I dare be sworn—I am sure he has talents. Oh, how I long to see him at the bar !
(Enter SERVANT.) Servant. Mr. Briefwit, sir.
Old F. This is all right; this gives me an opportunity of talking to you a little.
Bri. Consult-take an opinion--good.
Old F. Come, I'll introduce you to my, son.
you, sir ?
I have to tell you,
that my son is one of the most serious, studious young men living.
Bri. Id certum est quod certum reddi potest : vulgarly, in the proverb," the proof of the pudding is in the eating.”
Old F. Always at his books.
Old F. And what, now—what, of all things, do you think employs his mind ? (Briefwit looks at him without speaking.) Come, guess, now;
think he reads? Bri. (After a pause.) Books,
Old F. You are not far from the mark there, old Caution; he does read books-he studies the law.
Bri. Dat operam legibus Anglia-good.
Old F. Ay, I thought you would say so. The law is a fine profession, is it not? I am sure I have a specimen before me of what the law will do for a man.
Bri. Hum! It will do for a man-good.
Old F. I knew you would be doubly anxious about this match between your ward and him, when you heard of his having embraced that profession.
Bri. Hum !
Old F. And when you do speak, there's no understanding you. (Aside. Briefwit reads his papers.) A very entertaining companion, truly. Pray, sir, read out.
Bri. (Looks suspiciously at him, and pockets his papers.) Good.
Old F. So good, that you seem determined to keep it all to yourself. Come, we'll go and see my boy, if you please : it's a pity to disturb him, though. Oh! he's so studious, you ’ll be delighted with him—so steady—so like yourself. He will talk to you in your own way. (Going, he stops.) I beg pardon; the law takes precedence of every profession.
Bri. Good. (Walks off with great gravity.)
M Old F. Very good, indeed. You certainly are one of the most pleasant, agreeable, facetious, conversable, witty, and entertaining disciples of Lycurgus, that ever wore a wig with two tails.
PARODY WRITTEN AFTER A BAD DINNER.* - Anon.
Lo ! the plain eater, whose untutorid taste,
Redress her dressings, be the cook of cooks. * The above which appeared in a British Magazinein June, 1757, is a Parody on that celebrated passage of Pope's Essay on Man, commencing:
Lo, the poor Indian ! whose untutor’d mind,