Rob. What lord? Oh, you mean the Lord Harry I suppose. No, no, must not be too funny with him, or he 'll be after playing the very deuce with you.

Snacks. I say,

I should never think of jesting with a person

of your lordship's dignified character.

Rob. Dig-dig-what? Why, now I look at you, I see how it is; you are mad. I wonder what quarter the moon 's in. Dickens! how your eyes do roll! I never saw you so before. How came they to let you out alone?

Snacks. Your lordship is most graciously pleased to be facetious.

Rob. Why, what gammon are you at? Don't come near me, for you I've been bit by a mad dog; I'm sure you have.

Snacks. If your lordship would be so kind as to read this letter, it would convince your lordship. Will your lordship condescend?

Rob. Why, I would condescend, but for a few reasons, and one of 'em is, I can't read.

Snacks. I think your lordship is perfectly right; for these pursuits are too low for one of your lordship's nobility.

Rob. Lordship, and lordship again! I'll tell you what, Master Snacks-let's have no more of your fun, for I won't stand it any longer, for all you be steward here: my name's Robin Roughhead; and if you don't choose to call me by that name, I shan't answer you-that's flat. I don't like him well enough to stand his jokes. (Aside.)

Snacks. Why, then, Master Robin, be so kind as to attend, whilst I read this letter. (Reads.) "Sir,-This is to inform you, that my Lord Lackwit died this morning, after a very short illness; during which he declared that he had been married, and had an heir to his estate. The woman he mar ried was commonly called, or known, by the name of Roughhead she was poor and illiterate, and through motives of false shame, his lordship never acknowledged her as his wife. She has been dead some time since, and left behind her a son, called Robin Roughhead. Now, this said Robin is the legal heir to the estate. I have therefore sent you the necessary

writings to put him into immediate possession, according to his lordship's last will and testament. Yours to command, "KIT CODICIL, Att'y at Law." Rob. What!-what! all mine? the houses, the trees, the fields, the hedges, the ditches, the gates, the horses, the dogs, the cats, the cocks, and the hens, and the cows, and the bulls, and the pigs, and the- -what! are they, are they all mine? —and I, Robin Roughhead, am the rightful lord of all this estate? Don't keep me a minute, now, but tell me, is it so? Make haste, tell me-quick, quick!

Snacks. I repeat it, the whole estate is yours.

Rob. Huzza! huzza! (Catches off Snack's hat and wig.) Set the bells a-ringing; set the ale a-running; set-go, get my hat full of guineas to make a scramble with; call all the tenants together. I'll lower their rents-I'll—

Snacks. I hope your lordship will do me the favor toRob. Why, that may be as it happens; I can't tell. (Care lessly.)

Snacks. Will your lordship dine at the castle to-day?
Rob. Yes.

Snacks. What would your lordship choose for dinner?
Rob. Beef-steaks and onions, and plenty of 'em.

Snacks. Beef-steaks and onions! What a dish for a lord! -He'll be a savory bit for my daughter, though. (Aside.) Rob. What are you at there, Snacks? Go, get me the guineas make haste. I'll have the scramble, and then I'il go to Dolly, and tell her the news.

Snacks. Dolly! Pray, my lord, who 's Dolly?

Rob. Why, Dolly is to be my lady, and your mistress, if I find you honest enough to keep you in my employ.

Snacks, He rather smokes me. (Aside.) I have a beauteous daughter, who is allowed to be the very pink of perfection.

Rob. Hang your daughter! I have got something else to think of: don't talk to me of your daughter: stir your stumps, and get the money.`

Snacks. I am your lordship's most obsequious.-Bless me, what a peer of the realm! (Aside and exit.)

Rob. Ha ha ha! What work I will make in the village! Work!-no, there shall be no such thing as work; it shall be all play. Where shall I go to? I'll go to--no, I won't go there. I'll go to Farmer Hedgestakes, and tell himno, I'll not go there. I'll go I'll go no where; yes, I will; I'll go everywhere; I'll be neither here nor there, nor anywhere else. How pleased Dolly will be when she hears—

(Enter Villagers, shouting.)

Dick, Tom, Jack, how are you, my lads? Here's news for you! Come, stand round, make a ring, and I'll make a bit (They all get round him.) First of all,

of a speech to you.

I suppose Snacks has told you that I'm your landlord?
Villagers. We are all glad of it.

Rob. So am I; and I'll make you all happy; I'll lower all your rents.

All. Huzza! long live Lord Robin!

Rob. You shan't pay no rent at all.

All. Huzza! huzza! long live Lord Robin!

Rob. I'll have no poor people in the parish, for I'll make 'em all rich; I'll have no widows, for I 'll marry 'em all. (All shout.) I'll have no orphan children, for I'll father 'em all myself; and if that's not doing as a lord should do, then I say I know nothing about the matter that 's all.

All. Huzza! huzza!

(Enter Snacks.)

Snacks. I have brought your lordship the money.—He means to make 'em fly; so I have taken care the guineas shall be all light. (Aside.)

Rob. Now, then, young and old, great and small, little and tall, merry men all, here's among you. (Throws the money; they scramble.) Now you've got your pockets filled, come to the castle, and I'll fill all your mouths for you. (Villagers carry him off, shouting--Snacks follows.)

THE TROUBLESOME WIFE.-ANON

A MAN had once a vicious wife

(A most uncommon thing in life ;)

His days and nights were spent in strife unceasing.

Her tongue went glibly all day long,

Sweet contradiction still her song,

And all the poor man did was wrong, and ill-done.

A truce without doors, or within,

From speeches long as tradesmen spin,

Or rest from her eternal din, he found not.

He every soothing art displayed;

Tried of what stuff her skin was made:

Failing in all, to Heaven he prayed to take her.

Once walking by a river's side,

In mournful terms, "My dear," he cried,

"No more let feuds our peace divide: I'll end them,

Weary of life, and quite resigned,

To drown, I have made up my mind,
So tie my hands as fast behind, as can be;

Or nature may assert her reign,

My arms assist, my will restrain,

And swimming, I once more regain my troubles."

With eager baste the dame complies,

While joy stands glistening in her eyes:

Already, in her thoughts, he dies before her.

"Yet, when I view the rolling tide,
Nature revolts," he said; "beside,
I would not be a suicide, and die thus.

It would be better far, I think,
While close I stand upon the brink,

You push me in-nay, never shrink, but do it."

To give the blow the more effect,

Some twenty yards she ran direct,

And did what she could least expect she should do.

He slips aside, himself to save,

So souse she dashes in the wave,

And gave, what ne'er she gave before, much pleasure.

"Dear husband, help! I sink!" she cried;

"Thou best of wives," the man replied,

"I would, but you my hands have tied : heaven help you."

LODGINGS FOR SINGLE GENTLEMEN.-COLMAN.

Who has e'er been in London, that overgrown place,
Has seen, "lodgings to let," stare him full in the face.
Some are good and let dearly; while some 't is well known
Are so dear, and so bad, they are best let alone.-

Will Waddle, whose temper was studious and lonely,
Hired lodgings that took single gentlemen only;
But Will was so fat, he appeared like a tun,-
Or like two single gentlemen rolled into one.

He entered his rooms, and to bed he retreated;
But, all the night long, he felt fevered and heated;
And, though heavy to weigh, as a score of fat sheep,
He was not, by any means, heavy to sleep.

Next night 't was the same!—and the next! and the next!
He perspired like an ox; he was nervous, and vexed;
Week after week, till by weekly succession,

His weakly condition was past all expression.

In six months his acquaintance began much to doubt him ; For his skin "like a lady's loose gown," hung about him. He sent for a doctor, and cried, like a ninny,

"I've lost many pounds-make me well-there's a guinea."