« PreviousContinue »
The doctor looked wise :-“ a slow fever," he said ;
Will kicked out the doctor:--but when ill indeed,
Look ye, landlord, I think," argued Will with a grin,
Quoth the landlord,—“ Till now, I ne'er had a dispute,
“ The oven !!!"-says Will;=says the host, “Why this pas.
sion ? In that excellent bed died three people of fashion. Why so crusty, good sir ?"_“ Odds !" cried Will in a taking “ Who would not be crusty, with half a year's baking ?" " Will paid for his rooms ;"—cried the host with a sneer, “ Well, I see you 've been going away half a year.” "Friend, we can't well agree;—yet no quarrel,"—Will said: “But I'd rather not perish, while you
THE RICH MAN AND THE POOR MAN.-KHEMNITZEB.
So goes the world ; if wealthy, you may call
Though you are worthless--witless-never mind it;
You may have been a stable-boy-what then? 'T is wealth, good sir, makes honorable men.
You seek respect, no doubt, and you will find it. But if you 're poor, heaven help you ! though your sire
Had royal blood within him, and though you
Possess the intellect of angels too 'T is all in vain ;-the world will ne'er inquire On such a score :- -Why should it take the pains ? 'Tis easier to weigh purses, sure, than brains.
saw a poor fellow, keen and clever, Witty and wise :-he paid a man a visit,
And no one noticed him, and no one ever Gave him a welcome. “Strange," cried I, whence is it !"
He walked on this side, then on that,
He ed to introduce a social chat;
A rich man burst the door,
As Crosus rich, I'm sure
What a confusion all stand up erect-
These bow in honest duty and respect;
The poor man hung his head,
And to himself he said,
Then looking round,
And said—“ Pray tell me why is wealth preferred
To wisdom ?"_" That's a silly question, friend !" Replied the other—" have you never heard,
A man may lend his store
Of gold or silver ore,
THE MAN OF TWO SHADOWS.-STAHL.
66 Can't tell you
A KNOT of watchmen might have been seen, about eleven o'clock last night, consulting under the veranda of a house at the corner of Canal and Rampart streets. Occasionally one of them pointed his rattle down Canal street, towards the slowlyretreating figure of a man, who, certainly, was conducting himself in a very singular manner.
"Is he a burglar, d 'ye think, Bill ?" whispered one of the watchmen.
Bill shook his head, as much as to say, till I knows more, John."
“ Look-look-look !" muttered a third policeman.
The retreating figure was violently leaping forward, and to one side, thrusting his cane right and left, stamping, and uttering deep-throated imprecations and threats of death!
The guardians of the city rushed incontinently to the spot where the figure—Statius Humbrar, by name, who had imbibed strong drink over freely,—was rehearsing a solo of quarterstaff.
Come, stop this here, will you ?" demanded one of the municipal guards.
“Sh! Sh! Don't you see there are two of them? There, that long-bodied, dark-browned fellow, on the pavement, and that crooked-shanked scoundrel shrinking against the wall! But, I'll do for them-I'll fix 'em! Have at you villains ! Lay on, McDoodle, and blamed be he who first says Nuff! Sessa !-Sessa !" and Statius plied his cane more vigorously
“ Bill!" said one watchman-tapping his forehead significantly
6. John !” said another watehman-also, tapping his forehead significantly
“ Dick !" said a third watchman-likewise tapping his forehead significantly.
Then without saying anything, but exchanging glances of intelligence, all three again tapped their foreheads significantly.
Still the cane whistled in the air, right and left, forward and back, about the head of Statius Humbrar.
“ Ha! I had you there, O bandy-legged foot-pad !" cried Humbrar. “And you, longitudinal rufhan! I gave it ye in your midriff, eh? Sessa! Sessa !” his position that of a fencer--cane pushed in front, left hand up, right knee bent, and body between advance and retreat.
At this moment, by a concerted signal, the watchmen rushed in upon Statius, disarmed and pinioned him.
Humbrar burst into tears.
“ Men—men! have you the heart to assist my enemies ?" be asked, sobbing
“ Henemies?" replied one of the watch. “Why they is your shadows, you fool!"
“Shadows !" gloomily responded Statius Humbrar. mean to quote the old poetical adage- Alas! what shadows we are, and what shadows we pursue !' don't you ?”
“ No, we doesn't. We means, you was shying at your own shadows, like a drunken man, or hidiot--one or t'other, or both !"
“ Gentlemen, have you ever studied natural philosophy ?" interrogated the arrested man.
66 What ?"
6. I do not mean to insult you, gentlemen. But I have studied natural philosophy, and I know the laws of optics, and of lights, shadows, and linear perspective. I know, therefore, that you are mistaked, and that no man can cast two shadows,
one on the pavement, and one on the wall at his side. No, gentlemen, those are not shadows. No, gentlemen, by the laws of perspective, by the laws of optics"
“Do you hop sticks to the watch’us, and give us no more of your perplexivies, for they doesn't enlighten us much. Come along with you !" said the watch, dragging Statius Humbrar to the watch-house.
THE SYCOPHANT'S ROAD TO SUCCESS.—Chas. MACKLIN.
(Enter Sir PERTINAX and EGERTON.) Sir P. Sir, I wull not hear a word aboot it. I insist upon it, ye are wrong. Ye should ha'e paid your court till my lord, and not ha'e scrupled swallowing a bumper or twa, or twanty, till oblige him!
Eger. Sir, I did drink his toast in a bumper.
Sir P. Yas, ye did; but how ?-how? Just as a cross bairn takes pheesic, wi’ wry mouths and sour faces, whach
lord observed; then, to mend the matter, the moment that he and the colonel got intill a drunken dispute aboot releegion, ye slily slunged awa'.
Eger. I thought, sir, it was time to go, when my lord insisted upon half-pint bumpers.
Sir P. Sir, that was not levelled at you, but at the colonel, the captain, and the commissioner, in order till try their bottoms; but they aw agreed that ye and I should drink oot o' smaw glasses.
Eger. But, sir, I beg pardon—I did not choose to drink any more.
Sir P. But, sir, I tell you there was necessity for your drinking more at this particular juncture.
Eger. A necessity! In what respect, sir ?
Sir P. Why, sir, I have a certain point to carry, independent of the lawyers, with my lord, in this agreement of your marriage, aboot whach I am afraid we shall ha'e a warm, crooked squabble; and therefore I wanted your assistance in it.