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Judge. As I take it down, please to favor me with it once


Wit. S-g-u-r-gent.
Judge. What?
Wit. S-e-r-gund.

Mr. D. Have you always been what you say? What were you originally?

Wit. S-y-u-r-g-e-n-d.
Mr. D. Were you ever a gardener, Dr. Warburton ?
Wit. Surgent.
Mr. D. I do not ask you to spell that word again.
Wit. Sergund—aye, that 's it.

Mr. D. My lord, I am afraid I have thrown a spell over this poor man which he can't get rid of. Where were you a gardener ?

Wit. I never was a gardener. I first was a farmer. I ceased to be a farmer, because I learnt the business I now is.

Mr. D. Who did you learn it of?
Wit. My lord, is that a proper question ?
Judge. I see no objection to it.

Wit, I learned it of Doctor Hum: he practised the same as the Whitworth doctors, and they were regular physicians.

Mr. D. Where did they take their degrees?
Wit. I don't think they ever took any.

Mr. D. Then do you suppose they could be regular physi. cians ?

Wit. No; I believe they were only doctors.
Mr. D. Were they doctors of law, physic, or divinity ?
Wit. They doctored cows and other human beings.

Mr. D. Did you ever make up medicines from the prescriptions of a physician ?

Wit. I never did.

Mr. D. Do you understand the characters they use for ounces, scruples, and drachms?

Wit. I do not. I can make up as good medicines in my way as they can in theirs.

Mr. D. What proportion does an ounce bear to a pound?

Wit. My lord, is that a fair answer—I mean question ?
Judge. Certainly.
Mr. D. Are there sixteen ounces to the pound ?
Wit. We do not go by weight; we mix ours by the hand.
Mr. D. Do you ever bleed ?
Wit. Yes.
Mr. D. With a fleam or lancet ?
Wit. With a lancelot.
Mr. D. Do you bleed from the vein or the artery !
Wit. From the wain.
Mr. D. There is an artery about the temple. Can you

tell the name of it?

Wit. I does not pretend to have so much knowledge as


Mr. D. Can you tell me the name of that artery?
Wit. I don't know what artifice you mean.

Mr. D. Suppose I were to tell you to bleed my servantwhich heaven forbid !_in the jugular vein, where would you apply the lancet ?

Wit. In the arm, to be sure. I am a bit of a dentist.

Mr. D. Indeed! Suppose, then, a person had the toothache, and could not bear it, how would you proceed?

Wit. Beat it out, to be sure.
Mr. D. With what?
Wit. A hammer.
Mr. D. You may retire. I am perfectly satisfied.


Two honest tradesmen meeting in the Strand,
One took the other briskly by the band ;
“ Hark ye,” said he, “'tis an odd story this,
About the crows !"_“I don't know what it is,"
Replied his friend. “No! I'm surprised at that;
Where I come from, it is the common chat;

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But you

shall hear: an odd affair indeed !
And that it happened, they are all agreed :
Not to detain you from a thing so strange,
A gentleman, that lives not far from 'Change,
This week, in short, as all the alley knows,
Taking a puke, has thrown up three black crows."

Impossible !"_“ Nay, but it's really true, I had it from good hands, and so may you." “ From whose, I pray ?” So having named the man Straight to inquire his curious comrade ran. "Sir, did you tell "-relating the affair

Yes, sir, I did; and if it's worth your care Ask Mr. Such-a-one, he told it me; But, by-the-by, 'twas two black crows, not three." Resolved to trace so wondrous an event, Whip to the third, the virtuoso went. “ Sir,"—and so forth—“ Why, yes; the thing is fact, Though in regard to number not exact; It was not two black crows, 'twas only one ; The truth of that you may depend upon. The gentleman himself told me the case." " Where may I find him ?" "Why,-in such a place. Away he goes, and having found him out

Sir, be so good as to resolve a doubt.” Then to his last informant he referred, And begged to know if true what he had heard. “ Did you, sir, throw up a black crow?" “ Not I!" “ Bless me! how people propagate a lie ! Black crows have been thrown up, three, two, and one, And here I find at last all comes to none ! Did you say nothing of a crow at all ?" “ Crow-crow—perhaps I might, now I recall The matter over." “And pray, sir, what was 't? “Why, I was horrid sick, and, at the last, I did throw up, and told my neighbors so, Something that was as black, sir, as a crow."


In a neat little village not far from Berlin,
Was a house called The Lion-a very good Inn:
The keeper a person quite ready to please ;
Each customer serving with infinite ease.
There entered his house once, quite late in the day,
A fine looking fellow, spruce, beauish and gay,
Who ordered—and thrice did the order repeat,
A supper first rate, e'en a supper of meat!
“ Beefsteak for my money!" he pompously said;

Bring cheese for my money, bring butter, bring bread !" “And wine ?" said the host; “ Will your honor have wine ?" “ Yes, wine,” he replied, if it 's really fine.

The supper was brought,
He showed his approval
By quickly effecting

Its utter removal;
Eating hearty, I mean, as hungry folks do,
With a great deal of haste and a great deal of gout.
When supper was ended, and time came to pay,
In the hand of the landlord a sechser * he lay,
Saying: “Here is my money, good fellow ;-good day !"
" What, sir, do you mean ?" said the host in dismay,
A dollar you owe me ;—you ’ve a dollar to pay !"
“A dollar ?" said dandy, with air very funny,
“I asked you for supper and wine for my money!
Not a cent had I more, when hither I came,
And, if you 've given me too much for the

same, The fault is your own; sure, I'm not to blame."

He probably thought
It a witty conceit,
Thus meanly a person,

Not thinking, to cheat;
But, in my humble notion, 'twas no wit at all ;
'Twas what you may careless and impudent call,-

* A coin worth about a cent and a half.

A thing very fitting a reckless outlaw,
Obedient alone to the calls of his maw.
The landlord was wrathy; abused him aloud ;
Called him dandified puppy, conceited and proud.
But now hear the best of the story by far :-
“ Though scamp," said the Landlord,“ undoubted you are,
I'll give you the dinner, which justly you owe,
And with it a dollar, if straightway you go,
To my neighbor who keeps THE BEAR o'er the way,
And do again there what you've done here to-day."

It seems from THE BEAR,
Or the house of that name,
TO THE LION dissatisfied

Boarders oft came;
And this put their keepers at war, as we say,
Each injuring the other, and that every way.
Well; soon as the landlord his offer had made,
On the money the sly guest his dexter hand laid,
While his left took the door, as he smilingly said :
“Good day, my dear fellow ! I've been to THE BEAR;
And what I've done here, the same I've done there;
For your neighbor engaged me by offers quite fair,
To do at THE LION what I did at THE BEAR !"


NOTHING could more thoroughly impress us with the fact, that it is pretty impossible to communicate to others those ideas “ whereof we ourselves are not possess-ed of,” than the following funereal discourse, which was recently delivered in the Florida House of Representatives. The duty of making it was voluntarily assumed, and even insisted upon, by the speaker, to the no small wonder of the House, his utter incompetency being notorious :

“ Mr. Speaker: Sir! Our fellow citizen, Mr. Silas Higgins,

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