At this assurance I felt a throb of joy, which was almost a compensation for all my sufferings past.

Boots," said I, "you are a kind-hearted creature, and I will give you an additional half-crown. Let the house be kept perfectly quiet, and desire the chambermaid to call

me

"At what o'clock, zur ?"

"This day three months at the earliest.”

A PARODY—THE SEA.

THE sea! the sea! Oh me! oh me!
The pail-be quick! I quail-I'm sick!
I'm sick as I can be;

I cannot sit-I cannot stand :

I prithee, steward, lend a hand!

Το my cabin I'll go, to my berth will I hie,
And like a cradled infant lie.

I'm on the sea—I'm on the sea!

I am where I would never be,

With the smoke above and the steam below,
And sickness wheresoe'er I go:

If a storm should come, no matter I wot;
To the bottom I'd go as soon as not.

I love-oh! how I love to ride

In a neat post chaise, with a couple of bays,
And a pretty girl by my side!

But, oh! to swing amidst fire and foam,

And be steamed like a mealed potato at home,

And to feel that no soul cares more for your woe
Than the paddles that clatter as onward they go!

* On Barry Cornwall's popular song, "The Sea! The Sea !" &c.

The ocean's wave I ne'er moved o'er,
But I love my donkey more and more,

And homeward flew to her bony back,
Like a truant boy to his mother's sack;
And a mother she was and is to me,
For I was an ass, to go to sea!

QUIN AND FOOTE.-ANON.

As Quin and Foote

One day walked out,

To view the country round,

In merry mood,

They chatting stood,

Hard by the village pound.

Foote from his poke

A shilling took,

And said, "I'll bet a penny,

In a short space,

Within this place,

I'll make this piece a guinea."

Upon the ground,

Within the pound,

The shilling soon was thrown:

"Behold," says Foote,

"The thing's made out,

For there is one pound one!"

"I wonder not,"

Says Quin, "that thought

Should in your head be found,

Since that's the way

Your debts you pay

One shilling in the pound !"

THE DUSTMAN'S SOLILOQUY, OR THE DISADVANTAGES OF A VULGAR FAMILY.

Oh dear! vot a miserable. feller I is, to be sure; and all through my wulgar family! My vife is as ignorant as a hoss, and my children as stupid as hasses! I'm disgraced in all the purlite circles by their ill-hiterate behavior; and although I vollops 'em all twenty times a day, lor bless ye! vy, it makes no more impression on 'em than so many brick valls. They says they von't study the purlite harts, cos they're so common. Vy, vat do you think o' my vife? Vy, vhen I fust set up my carriage, I vos invited out to dine vith the Markus o' Killcoobery; but my vife and darters vouldn't ride in a carriage. They said as how they didn't like the wehicle, a'cause it hadn't the harms of our family on it-a dust-hill and big salmon. So, in spite of all her ixposterlations, they persisted in borrow ing Sam Muck, the scavenger's cart, and got Sam to drive 'em all to the Markus's. My eyes! how every von did stare! and I blushed like a pickled cabbage. But, lor bless ye! my sons vere jist as bad; for they would insist upon riding on the box vith my coachman, and they smoked short pipes all the vay; and the werry fust question my son, Master Augustus Alexander, put to the Marchioness vos, vhich she usually smoked, the cigars or the cigarets? Lor, lor! how they did disgrace me! My vife and darters cut away, as if they hadn't had any wittles for a year. They collared hole joints o' meat out of the dishes at once, and gnawed avay at them in their hands; and vhen Lady Skilligulee axed Master Augustus to hand her the wing of a fowl, he took up a hole fowl in his dirty, greasy hand, and slapped it into her plate. After that, he viped his mouth on her beautiful crimson satin dress; and Master Eugene amused himself by licking all the plates and dishes on the table. Oh dear! I thought I should have svowned vith shame. Vell, arter dinner, ve sat down to a friendly tater tate. Pray, madam," says the Marchioness to my vife, "do you admire the classics?" "Oh," says my vife, "you must talk to my old man about the classes, cos he vas brought up in the

Pray,

national school, and has had a liberal edification." sir," inquired the Markus o' my son Augustus, "what science do you most admire?" "Vot science, my tulip?" replied Augustus, "vy, the hart of snow-balling, or the gymnasticating-von, two, three, and your eye's out." And with that he hit the poor Markus sich a blow in the head, that he sent him sprawling under the table. The room was all in an uproar; the ladies screamed, my vife and darters laughed; I almost fainted, and vith difficulty apologized. Harmony being restored, I proposed that they should examine the accomplishments of Master Eugene, cos he had got some larning, and I hoped he vould, some day or other, become a shining character. "Master Eugene," said I, "go to the Markus, and answer the questions he'll put to you like a man." Master Eugene wiped his nose on the cuff of his coat, and obeyed. Pray, Master Eugene," said the Markus, "which is the capital of Turkey?" "Edinburgh," replied Eugene. "What king did Oliver Cromwell behead?" "William the Conqueror." "What king reigned before George the First ?" "George the Second." "What is a quadruped?" A large fish." "What are youvegetable, animal, or mineral?" "I'm a wegitable." "What is a cow cabbage?" Vy, a mineral.” The company all laughed outright, and I vos so ashamed that I didn't know vot to do. Then ve vent to harmony; and vhen my vife vos called on to sing, vot do you think she gave 'em? Vy, the "Literary Dustman."

66

66

MISTER BOLT, THE BOLT-MAKER-ANON.

ONE Mister Bolt, a stupid dolt,
A man who once was well off;
But having made a wretched bolt,
His business quickly fell o
Things got so bad, he lost all hope,
And soon a scrape he run in;

By bolting with a bolt of rope,

From near the Bolt and Tun Inn.

Now down Fleet street, he bolted fast,
This precious bolting fellow;

'Till being sought, and nearly caught,
He bolted down a cellar.

The man who owned this bolt of rope,
Was not to be thus colted;
So making a tremendous bolt-
Bolt after him, he bolted.

Now Mister Bolt, the bolt he dropp'd,
And then began to bolt fast;
And as the ropeman bolted in,
He made a bolt to bolt past.
But in a plug stuck Mister Bolt,
When he was caught and jolted;
For in a cab they took him, and
To Hatton Garden bolted.

Now being bolted in the dock,
The man would not be colted;
So bolting Bolt, who stole the bolt,
To Brixton soon was bolted.
Then being bolted safe in gaol,

Though much against his will, sirs
This Bolt, he bolted up and down,
For three months on the mill, sirs.

BEGINNING OF A BAD CITIZEN.-ANON.

Child. Mother, I want a piece of cake.

Mother. I haven't got any; it's all gone.

Child. I know there's some in the cupboard; I saw it when you opened the door.

Mother. Well, you don't need any now; cake hurts children.